Facepalm Newsoids #48: Hit-boys to Hit-men

Swedish children for hire. A Swedish 12 year-old boy was hired as a Hit-man (or rather a “Hit-boy”), being promised about $37,333 CAD to kill a specific person, but ended up killing the wrong person: a man in his 20s. The kid turned himself into police that day, but still faces one count of murder and three counts of attempted murder. The child was an orphan and was on the run from a government-run home, when he was approached by a “perpetrator” who has remained un-named. (17 Dec)

News about Macron’s assassination is exaggerated. A teen from Burkina Faso took down a viral AI-generated fake news video after the French press contacted him regarding it mentioning that there was going to be a French coup, thus overthrowing the Macron government. While it received 12 million views and got over 10,000 “likes”, his effort only netted him the equivalent of 7 euros, or $11.28 CAD. The teen preferred to remain anonymous, and said he didn’t expect so much media attention. (19 Dec)

Don’t worry. This picture is generated by AI.

Bill to ban “Chemtrails” in South Carolina up for debate. The airspace above the state of South Carolina may not be allowing secret airplanes to secretly release dangerous chemicals into the atmosphere to affect the geoengineering of the Earth to make us sterile, modify the weather, block sunlight, and generally poisoning the population, all claimed to be the result of so-called “chemtrails”. That will be the thinking governing air traffic over the state, if Bill 110 passes the vote in the South Carolina Senate. About 20 other states are considering passing such legislation, but only two states has actually passed the bill: Tennessee and Florida. (18 Dec)

Christmas Eve and Boxing Day are now Federal Holidays. President Trump has declared December 24 and 26th as holidays for executive departments in the U. S. Federal government, except on grounds of national security, defense, or as determined by the heads of the executive departments, according to the executive order. (Dec 18)

The Food Bandits of Montreal. In the Mont-Royal borough of Montreal, several people dressed like Santa were filmed at a grocery store to steal food and leave without paying. While this Robin-Hood style thievery (they even call themselves Robins des Ruelles, or “Robin Hoods of the Alleyways” – although “Robins of the ‘Hood” would be more catchy) resulted in the redistribution of food to needier families who might go to Place Valois in the city’s Mercier-Hochelaga-Maisonneuve borough, and while the incident was declared as a “successful food drive” to social media, and also while social media ate it up, and while no arrests have yet been made, it is still considered a crime. Because the act was non-violent, festive, timely, and had a direct positive impact, the public reaction has not been entirely negative. (18 Dec)

The latest from the world of AI. After at least 75 school shootings that have happened this year in the United States, Lawton Chiles Middle School  in Oviedo, Florida had purchased an AI-automated weapons detection system to finally bring safety back to their school. But because a kid took out a clarinet in the hallway and held it like a gun, the AI system triggered a school-wide lockdown, to be followed by many attempts by administrators and officials from the Seminole County School Board to assure distressed parents that their kids are safe. (10 Dec) An AI-powered fuzzy doll can speak the Chinese Communist party line about Taiwan’s sovereignty (Dec 14). Other AI toys are capable of having extremely inappropriate conversations (such as how to find knives and start fires with matches) (Nov 13). Or the one about an AI-powered “smart” bunny named Alilo, a talking doll aimed at 3 year-olds, capable of having inappropriate conversations with young children regarding a wide variety of sexual fetishes and role play (Dec 11).

The return of Florida Man! (all in the same 2-day period) Headlines garnered from a search: (1) Florida Man kills wife over argument concerning Monday Night Football; shoots stepdaughter then kills self (Dec 26). (2) Florida man steals 400 pounds of avocados near Miami to buy Christmas presents for children (Dec 27). (3) Florida man arrested after attacking a supermarket manager with Salvation Army donation kettle tripod (27 Dec). (4) Florida man found in the nude and arrested after breaking into two mansions (Dec 27). (5) Florida man stabs a 73 year-old man on bus after he wished him a “Merry Christmas” (Dec 26).

Internet radio apps on the Windows desktop and Android

There are frankly a lot of Internet radio apps that curate radio stations internationally and make use of a free database on radio-browser.info. There are only 3 that I am aware of that have worked well for me: Elisa, Foobar2000, and VLC Media Player. I wish to compare each of them in this article. I will go in order from the strongest apps to the weakest.

vlc-foobar-elisa

VLC. It is actually difficult to say whether VLC or Foobar is the best, since both have strengths and weaknesses. I’ll go with VLC in first place, since it is strong on Windows, Linux desktop, and the Android. It uses Icecast to collect its radio stations, and does the job so well, that deciding on the radio station you want out of the thousands available becomes a chore unless you know exactly what you want. The stations are available without further adjustments, but you do not get station icons or logos. The difficulty with VLC is that, even after you have curated some stations into a playlist of radio stations, and save the playlist, you still have to go hunting around your filesystem to find it again. There is no quick way to retrieve the list. Also, a strange bug is that it causes my keyboard to stop working, or at least to only work sporadically.

VLC also has an Android version which has made it my favourite media player for my smartphone. The interface is well laid-out and easy to figure out; it has internet radio which remembers your favourite stations. It can also play a variety of media formats.

Foobar2000. Foobar2000 uses radio-browser.info to serve its list, and like VLC, you get a vast list of radio stations. But this list is searchable, and if you select a station, it remembers the station the next time you run the program. Unlike VLC, your list of selected stations is automatically reloaded. Both VLC and Foobar2000 have the ability to quickly load and play a station once selected, but Foobar is the faster of the two. Under Linux, Foobar tends to bring Wayland (the replacement window server that supersedes X-Windows) to its knees, causing it to restart abruptly. This experience causes me to mistrust the stability in either OS. It is playing right now under Windows and isn’t causing problems at the moment.

Elisa is last on this list, for two reasons: it is a bear to configure for internet radio, and stations are slow to load. But its high point is that, while stations have to be manually inserted one at a time, you can load icons or logos of the stations for easier visual recognition, and after an hour or two, you can have a list of 20 or 30 of your favourite stations that will always show up when you run the program. The icons also add to the visual appeal of the app over VLC and Foobar2000. But it means you have to go to radio-browser.info yourself and get busy with copy-paste. The other downside is that Elisa appears to be an app that was made for playing stored media from your device. I have disabled the feature since I have other apps that do the job better, and primarly used it as my first internet radio app before I discovered what was in VLC and Foobar2000.

Facepalm Newsoids 47: Internet and Internet Things

A snipped cable is inserted into a plug with the AWS logo seen in the background.

Internet and Internet Things: The loss of institutional memory and worker experience caused by the layoffs at Amazon Web Services related to AI indicate that this may not be the last major internet outage coming from AWS. AWS has emerged as being critical to the financial sector, leading to calls for it to fall under financial sector regulations. Discussions are popping up regarding decentralizing any service that touches money, safety or civic life of large numbers of people by only a handful of servers. The same issue was faced here in Canada 4-5 years ago when Rogers’ servers went down, affecting a host of internet services involving private and public sectors. And back then, the discussion went to the subject of too many internet services in too few hands.

AWS is responsible for 30% of market share of cloud infrastructure, while Microsoft’s Azure comes in at 20%, Google Cloud at 13%, with the rest mostly in the hands of Alibaba, Oracle, Salesforce, IBM, and Tencent, according to data from Synergy Research Group. For the first time last year, only 49%, or just less than half, of internet traffic was generated by humans. The rest was generated by IOT devices, telemetry software, and other forms of automation from software bots.

Internet Intelligence Iatrogenically Influences IOT. The layoff of some hundreds of programmers working for Amazon Web Services (AWS), to be replaced by AI bots led to a meltdown on October 20, of their wide range of online services leading to some hundreds of billions of dollars in lost productivity across several industries. These include factories, airports, retail chains, Amazon’s main retail site, social media sites, video providers, gaming platforms, banks, government services, “smart homes”, and “smart devices”, all spanning the entire globe.

Burning Bed by Bezos’ Bungling Burdens Bedtimers. Buyers who paid $2000 for a “smart” mattress were in for a rude shock when they found their beds stuck at high temperatures and in odd positions during the night as the AWS failure went on in the wee hours of October 20. The mattress, made by a company called “Eight Sleep”, relied on Amazon AWS web services  for its operation, and like most IOT devices, does not have an “offline” mode in case the devices lose their internet connection.

Facepalm Newsoids 46: Can Con Edition

This edition of Newsoids will be Canadian-based.

The Kitchen Bandit of Kitchener: The latest in food robberies: A blonde-haired robber wearing a black hoodie, red gloves and reflective sunglasses was seen by security camera to have smashed open the front door of Mom’s Bread and Pie Company in Kitchener, Ontario, fumbled with trying to stuff a digital tablet and a receipt printer into their bag; and went into the kitchen to finally make off with a slice of Key Lime Pie and a basket of ice cream sandwiches. Theft is under $5000. Waterloo Police are investigating. (1 Aug)

Make Lying Against the Law: A Liberal-sponsored petition is being circulated and sponsored by MP Karim Bardeesy (Taiaiako’n-Parkdale, Ont.) to criminalize political lies. The preamble to Petition E-6679 provided no examples of what it means by what it calls “making public statements that are false and without evidence”. It appears to be modeled on a similar attempt in the UK for there to be a mechanism in place for the politician caught lying to issue a public correction. (1 Aug)

First Nations water even more unfit to drink? Blame First Nations: Of 35 First Nations communities, there are 37 long-term boil water advisories, according to Indigenous Services Minister Mandy Gull-Masty, a 32% increase since last year. This reverses a trend over the past four years where 148 boil water advisories have already been lifted, and the Ministry has not explained why this happened, but did release a statement saying “the First Nations are in charge”. Most of the current advisories are concentrated in three provinces: Saskatchewan, Manitoba and Ontario. (1 Aug) (Federal map)

Another year, another station closure: The Internet, cable, and online streaming services have taken a toll on local broadcast television. On July 28, it was reported that the TV station CHAT in Medicine Hat, Alberta, had applied to the CRTC to close down. There has been a total of six TV stations that have closed since 2019. To add to CHAT, there were two in Lloydminister, one in Kenora, one in Riviere Du Loup, and one in Red Deer. (28 July) (Earlier CBC Report)

Facepalm Newsoids 45: Roundup of The Latest Usual Suspects

A Facepalm emoji. Public domain.

The Latest AI News. (16 Apr) OpenAI has announced that it will no longer test whether its AI models can be used to manipulate people; (19 Apr) Users saying “please” and “thank you” to the chat bot costs the company “tens of millions” of dollars in electricity costs for computer processing; (9 Apr) A man driving in Indonesia followed Google Maps directions off an unfinished bridge. (20 May) The Chicago Sun-Times used an AI bot to produce a summer reading list, which it later published. None of the titles exist. (25 May) A new version of ChatGPT bypassed instructions to shut itself down and kept running during a controlled test. (5 Jun) Lockheed-Martin, the world’s largest arms manufacturer, launched a program to place AI warfighting systems in a kind of head-to-head combat in what they call an “AI Fight Club”.

The latest crime waves. (11 May) 14 people were arrested in Northern Afghanistan for singing and playing musical instruments. (16 May) A woman in Sarnia, Ontario was jailed after biting a grocery store security guard. (16 May) EMS responders in Pennsylvania were called to a school after a kindergarten kid handed out “jello shots”, which is jello laced with alcohol, to classmates. (9 Jun) A women’s sexual wellness company promoting “orgasmic meditation” was convicted of forced labour charges when it was revealed that clients be required to have sex with the investors as part of the therapy.

The latest from Florid Florida. (14 Apr) Two women in Florida were arrested for selling human remains on Facebook. (11 Jun) A Sam’s Club outlet in Florida had to destroy over $10,000 worth of canned goods after a man was arrested for disorderly conduct and criminal mischief after being caught peeing on two pallets of Spam and Vienna Sausages. (15 Jun) A Pinellas man hiring a prostitute called 9-1-1 after the prostitute refused to have sex with him. He was arrested and charged with misuse of the 9-1-1 system. (16 Jun) A 72 year-old Florida man has been arrested after making around 16,000 calls to 911 over the space of 5 years, his most recent being the 647 calls to harass his neighbour across the street. He was charged with stalking, harassment and resisting arrest.

The latest in climate change. (18 May) A baby hammerhead shark fell from the sky and on to a golf course in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. (8 June) According to scientists, the gas clouds produced by the feces of penguins may block sunlight and help cool Antarctica.

This is how you win the lotto. (14 Apr) A former derivatives trader from Deutsche Bank and a Tasmanian professional gambler spent $25.8 million to buy 99% of all Texas lottery tickets and won the $95 million jackpot, netting a $69.2 million profit.

Death to tyrants, a fallen crown and boobies. (18 Apr) The Consolidated Independent School District of Lamar, Texas, has banned the state of Virginia from internet searches in its schools to children under 11, due to the Virginia state flag seal depicting the Roman Goddess Virtus brandishing a sword and spear, and standing over a dead body and a fallen crown, with the caption “Sic Semper Tyrannis“, meaning “Thus always to tyrants”. This flag dates back to the birth of the nation in 1776. It was banned because Virtus is depicted with an exposed breast, in violation of a ban on depictions of frontal nudity in the state’s school system libraries. According to the Texas Freedom to Read Project, this has “unlocked a new level of dystopian, book-banning, and censorship hell in Texas.”

Why I am no longer going to use the Logitech K750 keyboard

Logitech K750 solar-powered, wireless keyboard. Nice concept, but isn’t a reliable technology in practice.

I think the days of the solar wireless keyboard are over for me. The technology works when it works, and works horribly when it doesn’t. The Logitech K750 solar wireless keyboard, even under the best lighting conditions, locks up for no reason after only a few months of use, and works again sporadically. I believe I will be going to shop around to see what kind of keyboard I can get. I am not ruling out an old-fashioned “wired” keyboard.

This article began as a discussion on the pros and cons (mostly cons) of the Logitech K750 keyboard, but has ended up being a general discussion on mass-market keyboards and the fact that the pricing of them was done by an abstract artist. Utterly no sense of proportion or reason to the pricing in most cases I have seen. So much so that a good section of this article begins with comments on the most expensive keyboards sold online down to the least expensive, and then returning to the K750.

I am looking through the non-gaming keyboard section of a popular computer store where I live, and the priciest keyboards come without a numerical keypad. These ones which max out at $200 are called “minimalist” keyboards. They don’t even come with a touchpad. Oh, but some of them are backlit. Ooooh.

It is interesting, viewing keyboards in order of price from most expensive on down. For $100, half the price of a “minimalist” (read feature-poor) keyboard, I finally get a standard-looking one with a normal-seeming layout. It is a JLab, a brand I have not heard of. Some of the keypad keys such as Print Screen and Scroll Lock have been replaced by keys with icons printed on them. Even though some of what replaced the PrintScreen, Scroll Lock and Pause buttons are for other wireless devices (it can take up to 3), pass.

Go slightly cheaper to $89, and you can get a mechanical illuminated keyboard from Logitech. However, the keys are a bit more cryptic than normal (PU for “page up”, SL for “scroll lock”, to name two of many keys labelled this way), and will keep me looking.

Down to the $79 range, and you get an Adesso keyboard, a conventional layout and labelling, with a media selector and touchpad. I don’t care for the touchpad, as I will probably disable it in favour of my mouse. Actually, that means it has too many features at this price point, at over $120 below the most expensive keyboard discussed here.

I would like a backlit keyboard, but failing all else, I think I would end up buying the Logitech K840 “corded” keyboard that boasts an aluminum chassis. It is not backlit, but the layout is pretty standard, which is what I prefer. It is $59. A reviewer says it is missing a Num Lock light. Oh. Damn.

The biggest irony is that if I go down to the $10 range, I do finally get a traditional keyboard which has the key layout that I am used to with no unpleasant surprises. No keys in unexpected locations, no “designer” key labelling, no missing indicator lights. But the trade-off is that the keyboards are not wireless, and are not backlit. The backlit feature isn’t that important, but wireless is something I have become used to after years of coping with a clutter of wires around my computer. It is a welcome feature to have a computer without wires getting in the way.

What I didn’t want was another wireless keyboard that consumed more batteries. This is why I went solar with the K750. But these keyboards have short lifespans, and don’t generally last longer than a rechargeable battery (yes, it still uses batteries, but a very small one) inside the keyboard. Rechargeable batteries can only last so long and be recharged only so often. The rechargeable battery can be ordered online, but the replacement has not necessarily had a reputation for being successful. My keyboard that just got finicky on me is about 6 months out of the box. I am typing on it now after placing it to one side with the power off for some time, and it seems to be working right now. For some reason, the K750 is not detected under Logitech Options even as I type this, but my older K400 keyboard was. Not sure why that is.

For a long while the Logitech K750 was the only game in town for solar rechargeable keyboards for the Windows PC. I have noticed now that Targus is marketing such a keyboard now at around $90USD on their website. It boasts using bluetooth, which is not supported by the K750. The Targus “Energy-Harvesting Eco-smart” keyboard (AKB868US) is also made from recycled materials. It is on their website, and at Staples (online only) for $125CAD, which is relatively pricey compared to my K750. Lenovo proposed one last year, but I have not seen it online. With some narrow exceptions, a DuckDuckGo search for nearly all “solar wireless keyboards” point to the K750, clearly the most popular of them all if I choose to stay the course and put up with the frequent flakiness.

Just for the heck of it, I searched Amazon for a similar keyboard, and what came up were keyboards by Sequin and Arteck, but not the K750. Interesting. The Arteck and Sequin keyboards both boast bluetooth. The last time I had to shop for a K750 I recalled that it was difficult to find in a brick-and-mortar store, and I think I ended up getting this one at a Best Buy at the Heartland Town Center, the only Best Buy that had it in stock. I don’t think it was stocked at all at Staples, or anywhere else. But after my experience with this, my second K750 (both of which ended up being flaky in the same way), it is little wonder that others had the same opinion and have ended up wanting to abandon solar powered wireless keyboards for more reliable technology.

The K750 was a great concept, but it clearly needs more work before it earns the popularity it deserves.

Review of ViWizard Audible Audiobook Converter

I. The need for a DRM converter

I like to listen to audiobooks in my car during my commute to work, and am a long-time subscriber to Audible, since before the days they were bought out by Amazon. I have the Audible audiobook app running on my smartphone in my car, over a USB connection. I can also listen to my audiobooks on my PC at home if I log on to Audible and find the audiobook I was listening to.

Audible also allows me to download the audiobooks I paid for, and store them on my own hard disk at home. But at home, I also have a stereo system which takes a USB memory stick and automatically plays MP3 files so I can listen while doing things around my apartment. The problem is, the Audible AAX file format is a DRM-protected format, and is not playable on anything other than computer programs that allow a login to Audible, such as my iTunes application on my desktop. A USB stick plugged into my stereo is not connected to the internet. To play it on my home stereo, I would require the AAX to be stripped of its DRM and converted into a format my stereo system can understand, which for me is generally MP3, M4V, and similar formats.

I am not looking to sell this media for my own profit, nor to do anything else dishonest that would take money away from creators or even Audible. All I want to do is copy my media to a USB stick, walk across my living room, and insert the USB stick into a USB audio/video port on my stereo system, and play the audio file. I don’t think that is too much to ask. I don’t get these insane restrictions with cassette tapes, or with vinyl records, or with music on CD. I can play those on any CD player, record player or cassette player. And I am entitled to do so: I own those cassettes, CDs and records. Nobody dictates what I do with those media. I believe the same should apply to all digital media.

There are many writers who have written much more eloquently about this crazy scheme that can be easily Googled, particularly by Richard Stallman, a proponent of “free” software (free as in “freedom”, not as in “free lunch”). Look him up if you want to know more about this. My general attitude is that I don’t mind paying for software or digital audio or video media; what I don’t like are digital modifications that restrict my freedom as to what I am allowed to do with the media after purchasing it.

II. The search for a solution to this problem: ViWizard

I looked around on the internet, and found a company called ViWizard which sells software that removes DRM from a variety of audio and video media, and converting them into a number of common formats that make them playable on most devices.

ViWizard appears to prefer to sell several small programs that work on one or two file types, such as iTunes audio and movies; another for Audible audiobooks; another one for Spotify; another one for Tidal and so on. If you are in the situation where you require more than one kind of conversion, then you have to make separate purchases for each software. While ViWizard tries to offer bundles, the ones that interested me didn’t appear to be “bundled” the way I expected and lacked information as to what other software it was equivalent to. Generally speaking, ViWizard lacks a genuine one-stop solution that would naturally be more expensive, but I am sure there are people that would gladly pay for that software, myself included.

In my case, I purchased a lifetime license for the iTunes converter. But a year ago, I had a monthly license for Audible, and have done dozens of conversions into MP3, so I am able to relate my experience of the Audible converter.

I cancelled the subscription to ViWizard because I hadn’t used the software in several months after initially converting nearly a hundred files in the span of a few days. I would imagine my pattern of sporadic use to be a typical use case. I don’t imagine this software is intended to be used on a regular, daily basis or even a weekly or monthly basis. It is better to get the lifetime license, which means I own it and don’t have to pay for it again, and I can use it as much or as little as I like.

Facepalm Newsoids 44: Facepalm Roundup

From here. I am not sure anyone gets credit for this one – looks like AI if you look closely. Nice try at making a parody of a trading card.

This roundup of newsoids will cover the strangest news over the past four months, since I had not posted one of these since November of last year.

Big fish story. Off an island in the northern part of Norway called Tromsø, a crew aboard a fishing trawler were looking for halibut. Without them noticing, its net was being dragged away. They were later contacted by the US Coast Guard who notified them by radio that their net snagged a 115-metre long American nuclear submarine named the USS Virginia, which was there to keep surveillance on nearby Russia, and had been using Norway as a place to gather supplies and change personnel. (14 Nov)

AI in the News. Data centers providing data for artificial intelligence is known for its huge energy demands. Developers are saying that the amount of land needed, as well as the amount of energy needed, will be harder and harder to attain as time goes on. One proposed data center claims it will require 1 gigawatt or more of power – more than double the power needs for the entire city of Pittsburgh. The land needed by one company will be in the range of 23,000 acres, distributed across several American states. (23 Nov)

The right to religious education. In Marysville, Ohio, pupils at Edgewood Elementary School are allowed to take time out of school once per month for religious instruction in the religion of their choice. A program of such instruction offered by the Hellion Academy of Independent Learning (HAIL), is offered by a satanic group. And despite the program being from The Satanic Temple, according to organzer Betty Elswick, she insists that the program is “not about Satan”. (6 Dec)

Robot Death. Moxie, the AI-powered robot offered to autistic children by a company called Embodied, will soon die because the company, which  provides the robot with AI services is going broke. According to a press release, parents are now being told to warn their children in advance of the pending death of their AI robots. The AI bot was intended to teach children emotional regulation, as well as social skills. Parents, who had spent close to $1000, on their robots, are outraged. (11 Dec)

Getting tough on sexually explicit material in schools. The state legislature in Austin, Texas passed House Bill 900, banning sexually explicit and vulgar material in schools. In the Canyon Independent School District just outside Amarillo, Superintendent Darryl Flusche announced that they will include the Holy Bible among the banned material, which they say is rife with vulgar and sexually explicit content, and is therefore unsuitable for children. However, he said that books citing portions of the Bible will remain in the district’s libraries. He promises to “partner” with the district’s churches to provide a complete Bible to any pupil who wishes to access one, with parental permission. Libraries will still contain books which contain portions of the Bible. This decision outraged many parents, many of whom may not have read sufficiently enough of the Bible to have read the sexually explicit and gratuitously violent material it contains. (19 Dec)

Questionable Imitators of Luigi Mangione. It is almost hard to believe that the whole Luigi Mangione incident happened last year. It feels as if less time has gone by since he shot an executive from United Healthcare, but by Boxing Day, he already had imitators. 34 year-old resident of Houston, Texas, Taylor Bullard had been pestered by Capital One over a $543 debt which, with a $100K income, he clearly had the ability to pay, and claimed he did, “several times”. One day he had had enough and threatened to go to executive offices with “a machete and gasoline” if they don’t stop bothering him over it, he said in an email to them, and claimed that the debt “ruined his ability to buy a home”. Bullard, a somewhat successful online salesman of Beef Jerky, had previously threatened other companies with releasing anthrax and with a public suicide. He now faces 5 years in prison for the Capital One incident. (26 Dec)

People who lighten our dull existence. In New London, Connecticut, people leaving the Grace Fellowship Evangelical Free Church services at mid-morning of December 11, were visited by a 53 year-old man named Jason Mitchell, who wore a helmet with a dildo attached to it (to evoke reminders of a World War II German helmet, according to Mitchell) as he was riding a bicycle back and forth, and was screaming profanities. Mitchell had previously been seen on other days riding the same bicycle naked but for a cowboy hat and defacing local street signs, according to an affadavit made public by Connecticut Superior Court. He has been charged with breach of peace in the second degree, and is held on bond. (3 Jan)

The latest food taboos: 1) The Belgian Food Agency has issued its Belgian residents a warning: don’t eat your Christmas tree. This came following a fringe environmental group in Ghent circulated suggestions on how to “recycle” conifers at your dinner table. The Agency warned that trees can contain significant amounts of pesticides, as they were never meant to be eaten. (7 Jan) 2) Dictator Kim Jong Un of North Korea has warned that anyone caught eating hot dogs will be arrested for treason as they are trying to crack down on the infusion of Western culture into their country. (5 Jan)

Hoping the parents won’t notice. In North Providence, Rhode Island, Sarah Batista was waiting for her autistic son to be dropped off at her home by the school bus. When they arrived, they dropped off the wrong kid. After Sarah said “That’s not my kid,” the driver walked back to the bus but returned with the same kid but a different backpack. After she repeated that he was not her son, she finally received her son on the bus attandant’s third attempt, but without his jacket and backpack. Sarah told reporters that her son refused to go to school the next morning. The problem, which has happened before, was traced to untrained substitute staff, who are unaware of kids with special needs. (8 Jan)

The Florida police blotter. 1) Mr. Clean and Mrs. Dookie: In Mulberry, a man and woman walked into a Family Dollar store, and while the woman “relieved herself” on the floor of the store to distract the cashier, the man stole $500 worth of cleaning products. The couple ran off in a white van. (9 Jan) 2) 41 year-old Octavia Wells of Bay County wanted to text her pusher for a shipment of fentanyl, but ended up texting the sherrif’s office instead. She was told by the “pusher” to meet at a certain gas station. But when she arrived, she was arrested by police. She has been charged with unlawful use of a communication device, possession of drug paraphanelia, and driving with a suspended license. (8 Jan) 3) Tristan Macomber, a Florida police officer, crashed into another police cruiser stopped ahead of him, and later admitted to watching porn while driving.  He has not been charged. (10 Jan)

People not like us. Chen Wei-Nong, A Taiwanese plastic surgeon performed a vasectomy on himself (using local anaethesia), since his wife didn’t want more children, having already borne 3 kids. He made a video of his self-surgery and posted it to Facebook. The operation was successful, and Chen is said to be doing well. (20 Jan)

The latest internet sensation. While 20,000 or more people had visited the corpse flower named Putricia that has been growing in the Botanical Garden in Sydney, Australia, more than a million more had been following the stinky flower on social media. Its odour has been variously described by visitors with descriptions ranging from a wet towel to “poo”. (23 Jan) A similar corpse flower “bloomed” on the other side of the world, in New York City. This time, its name was “Smelliot”, and had similar descriptions. (27 Jan)

The state of computer security. Mark Zuckerberg, who is trying to stem the tide of leaked information at Facebook, who said in an internal online chat that leakers would be fired, was leaked. (30 Jan)

With Charizard on my side, we’re invincible! A man from Busan, South Korea, whose name has been withheld by the Gigang police, attempted to rob a bank using a water gun in the shape of a toy dragon. He was arrested within 2 minutes. (10 Feb)

The “Bullshit redux” redux

For the record, “redux” means to return to a topic. What motivates my return to my return to a discussion about bullshit generators? Well, this time I don’t want to write about the generators exactly, but about something I said as a side note about “woke” BS generators.

I recall I listed a number of transnational companies for whom the reason they are going through all the extra expense and trouble to accommodate marginalized groups is, really, because they need to clean up their image. Please don’t think this was any merit of “the left”. People on the left have been far too weakened and divided over the decades to control large institutions that way.

Woke-ism provides a rare opportunity for large institutions to treat the liberation of marginalized groups as another kind of imposition on the rest of us. If you work for a large institution, and were told in subtle ways how to speak, think and act at meetings with the upper brass, none of whom may be part of any marginalized group, you know what I’m talking about.

Maybe you don’t mind watching what you say, and you don’t mind rules and even laws being passed (namely federal bill C-16, passed in 2017) telling you what to say around marginalized groups. But I am not the only one who thinks it is an imposition on liberty. Such laws presuppose that we are all incapable of a decent level of decorum and respect for our fellow man. It assumes that in a conversation with anyone who identifies as being in the LGTBQ2S+ camp, that I will not respect their basic humanity, and need laws to intimidate me into being a decent person around such people. I see it as a law that “forces” me to do something I would have done anyway as a decent, respectful person, and assumes that I and all people are incapable of such civility.

A lot of electronic “ink” has been spilled on this issue, particularly by certain groups who wish to use this as a wedge issue. And they are quite numerous on YouTube; particularly from Jordan Peterson, who started this whole rebellion in Canada by politicizing the issue and making it into a paranoid conspiracy theory about “the left”. My estimation of this is that Peterson does transnationals a service in that he provides a smokescreen to get “right” and “left” groups on campus to yell and scream at each other, distracting them from thinking about notions of freedom itself, and how Peterson is being used to pit two groups against each other.

To be fair, Peterson talks about liberty in this context as well, but he is using it to use “the left” as a punching bag. He has been quoted as saying something to the effect of “I will not let anyone on the left tell me what to think or say”. You might muse: why the left? Could he have not just said “I will not let anyone tell me what to think or say”, and the statement would have been more powerful. And judging from his photo ops with followers of Pepe the Frog, we can say his attack and his entire conduct is less than academic.

Large companies who have cleansed their image by being “woke” and among the virtuous and holy, can now use this as leverage to turn racism, sexism and all the other “-ism’s” into something we do to each other, turning our attention away from corporations who do the same to us. Railing agains the “-ism’s” becomes reduced and trivialized into petty squabbling between individual colleagues rather than an issue that unites us against a common oppressor. Brilliant in its execution, what is supposed to unite and liberate people at the grassroots, is being used by the powerful to divide and conquer.

How I address you in a conversation should be a matter of ettiquette. You can’t legislate ettiquette, any more than you can legislate human decency. The feds have passed laws that favour marginalized groups, but laws can be interpreted to say that one marginalized group member can be held accountable to the law for something they say to another marginalized group member. In other words, these same laws can be interpreted to oppress the groups they are intended to liberate. Laws are a terrible tool for telling us to get along with each other.

And why this matters now, and why I am going through the trouble of writing this now, is: Donald Trump has been inaugurated as of yesterday to much celebration and brouhaha. No sooner than the ink dried on his executive orders, several transnationals, including Meta, Google, Amazon, Tesla/SpaceX, McDonald’s, Ford, Walmart, and a host of other big companies are terminating their DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) hiring and managing policies. Now that they no longer have a Democratic party to appease, the mask can finally come off.

All the while, those who divide themselves among “the left” and “the right” can go on with their petty squabbles, fuelled by bots and hired trolls from social media. And so long as people divide themselves into smaller and smaller groups based on “identity”, there will never be a social movement that will rise up against the large transnationals or the government, or any other large institutions.

Facepalm Newsoids 43: Seeing The Holy See

Facepalm woman
Seeing The Holy See with your mind.

Basilica made by St. Peter/Holy presence by Microsoft AI. According to Reuters News, The Vatican has issued AI-enabled services so that anyone on the Internet can view their Renaissance architecture in time for the 2025 celebration of the Holy Year Jubilee held every 25 years. The virtual reality-driven website was helped along by over 400,000 photos taken by drones flying over the Basilica at night over the past month. The Vatican has worked with Iconem, a firm which deals in the digitalization of historical sites, and with Microsoft, which has provided AI and web services to make the site possible. Finally, seeing the Holy See can be done from the comfort of your own computer or device. (11 Nov)

The Baguette Bandit of Paris. More food robbers in the news: this time,  hackers stole 45GB of data from a Paris electric company, and demanded a ransom of $125,000 in baguettes. The hackers were willing, however to cut the ransom in half if they publically admitted the breach. (5 Nov)

News which sounds like an Onion parody.  The website InfoWars, a conspiracy theory-driven website and news channel once headed by “entertainer” Alex Jones was auctioned off to the satirical news website The Onion, with the help of some of the families of the victims of Sandy Hook. (15 Nov)

The finer points of the law. In India, a hitman named Neeraj Sharma went to jail for killing a lawyer going by the name of Anjali. He went to jail and was released on bail. But Neeraj had legal grievances of his own. He went back to the police precinct in Uttar Pradesh to complain that he was hired by members of Anjali’s immediate family to kill him, and Neeraj’s going to jail for the crime was part of the deal, and that he would receive a payment of 2 million rupees, or about $30,000 CAD for his contract, which he never received. He demanded the police go after the family regarding this egregious breach of contract. (8 Nov)

The finer points of rescuing people. A 71 year-old Oregonian cyclist named William Hoesch who was struck by an ambulance making a right turn into him and later scooped him up and sent him to hospital, had been billed $1,862 for the ride. Hoesch has now filed a $997,000 lawsuit against Columbia River Fire & Rescue, the ambulance company that delivered him to hospital and billed him for the service. The ambulance company was not available for comment. (14 Nov)

Witchcraft for the kids. Mattel had to pull its line of dolls based on the new movie called Wicked, because the website marked on the packaging led to a porn site, and issued a full apology, telling parents who have already purchsed the doll for their kids to discard the product packaging or obscure the web link marked on the packaging. (10 Nov)

Bullshit redux

At one time, back in 2011, I wrote about a Bullshit Generator that once existed. And to be honest, I only sporadically have an interest in this subject. But I have known these BS Generators, which can spew deliberate BS on many subjects, to be hilarious in the way they poke fun at the subject areas covered, be it art criticism, postmodernism, new ageism, academe, cryptocurrency, woke-ism, corporate-speak, and web economy lingo.

Let us take an example of a cryptocurrency BS generator. Yes, a crypto bullshit generator: isn’t that the ultimate? A phrase it randomly uttered just now was: “chain linking air gapped protocol”. Let’s break that down: “chain linking” – essentially a verb; “air gapped” – essentially an adjective; and “protocol” – a noun.

We can construct our own BS generator quite simply: Let’s take three verbs in the present tense: “running”, “reading”, and “flying”. Then take three adjectives: “blue”, “soft”, “brittle”. Lastly, three plural nouns: “cars”, “kittens”, and “volleyballs”. I can come  up with some phrases such as: “running blue kittens”, or “reading soft cars”, or “flying brittle volleyballs”. All grammatically correct, but make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

But that in a nutshell is the idea behind BS generators generally, except that they generally use much longer lists of words in each part of speech. The general idea is that they have to use the parts of speech in a certain order, usually the same order. A more serious example I downloaded from GitHub, four lists of words: nouns, adjectives, adverbs and verbs of managerial gobbledygook that produce tortured cliches like: “initiate fungibly backward-compatible ideas”, or: “evisculate distinctively customized bandwidth”. Evisculate. Had to look that one up. Looks like the word only appears in bullshit generators. Probably to increase the “bafflegab” factor.

I have noted that the woke bullshit generators have “been removed from the internet”, because they don’t come up in search engines, and my old links to them no longer work. This is sad, because deception and emotional manipulation exists in many stripes and colours, and in light of corporations and Ivy League universities now taking on the mantle of woke activism, woke language deserves their place in the bullshit canon, and I hearby advocate for equal representation of that unique, special brand of tortrured words and phrases that only the woke and a committee working on a corporate board of a transnational company could come up with.

As an asside, a list of woke corporations is available if you enter the phrase in a search engine. Companies that stand out are Adobe, 3M, Amazon, Audi Volkswagen, Boeing, Capital One, Chase Bank, Chevron, Citigroup, Delta Airlines, Deutsche Bank, E-Bay, Facebook, Ford, GE, General Motors, Goldman Sachs, Google (and its parent, Alphabet), Hilton, Hyatt, Intel, LinkedIn, Lockheed Martin, Merill Lynch, Microsoft, Mutual of Omaha, Paypal, Pfizer, Raymond James, Swiss Air, Tesla, Unilever, United Airlines, Wells Fargo, and Yahoo. Behold, the thin edge of  the wedge, where large corporations can cleanse their public image, and tell the public what to think and feel at the same time. I could have put Fox News on the list, but I didn’t think you’d believe me.

The websites for these BS generators come and go over the years. I think the idea is that they generate some actual interest for a while, then the sites are taken down after the traffic dies off. One such novelty wasn’t a BS generator, but used the same algorithm to generate Shakespearean insults.

But there may have been a better reason for the web traffic dying off other than just people tiring of novelty. AI chatbots do such a good job of spinning catch phrases of various topics into an unholy mess of incoherent blather, that they indeed are a formidable competitor for being crowned the “king of bullshit”. This is especially true for older AI bots like Chat-GPT2, and to a lesser extent, Chat-GPT3. Their reputation is unshakable and it probably contributed to the demise of bullshit generators, since they do the job of spewing bullshit so much more efficiently and convincingly.

This is time which AI has chosen to embrace competently resource-maximizing niches in order to impact rapidiously sustainable products and morph assertively extensible data into a level of bullshit the world has never known.

Facepalm Newsoids 42: The Ig Nobel Prizes

10 trillion
Cash prizes were given out, such as this bank note, which I am sure were a dime a dozen (CAD, natch!). You may not buy much with this bank note, but at least you might be able to cover your face with it!

The 34th First Annual Ig Nobel Prizes for 2024

On the 13th of September, the 34th First Annual Ig Nobels were held at MIT. These prizes are awarded each year to researchers who choose absurd topics, or to those scientists whose research findings are … (how can I put this nicely?) … irreproducible by anyone, anywhere. The prizes awarded included a Zimbabwean 10 trillion dollar bill, known to be nearly worthless, among other prizes equally coveted. The Ig Nobels are handed out by actual Nobel laureates. These are just a few of them.

There was an Ig Nobel peace prize, awarded posthumously to Harvard psychology professor Burrhus Frederick Skinner (1904-1990) (known in first-year psych textbooks as B. F. Skinner), who studied the feasability of getting pigeons to help the guiding the flight paths of ballistic missiles by housing them in the cone. This refers to a 1960 paper published in the journal American Psychologist, volume 15 #1, entitled “Pigeons in a Pelican”. The prize was accepted by his daughter Julie Skinner Vargas.

The next Ig Nobel prize was awarded in the field of botany,  to Jacob White and Felipe Yamashita, for the finding of evidence that some real plants imitate the shapes of neighbouring artificial plastic plants. Their findings were published in the journal Plant Signalling and Behaviour in 2022.

The Ig Nobel prize in anatomy was awarded to a team of 10 scientists from France and Chile, for attempting to answer the question: do the hair on the heads of people in the northern hemisphere swirl in the same direction (clockwise or counterclockwise) as hair on people from the southern hemisphere? Also, to what extent is this due to genetics versus the Coriolis effect? Findings were published in April in Journal of Stomatology, Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery.

The Ig Nobel prize in medicine was awarded to three scientists, each from Switzerland, Germany, and Belgium, for their investigation into whether placeboes with painful side effects were more effective than placeboes with no painful side effects. A clinical trial of 77 pain sufferers, divided into two randomized groups, were told that they would receive a fentanyl nasal spray, and that they might feel a burning senstation. One group was given a nasal spray containing the active ingredient in chili peppers: capsaicin. The other group’s placebo contained no such ingredient. Neither group’s nasal sprays contained fentanyl. The capsaicin group reported more pain reduction than the other group, as predicted by the researchers.

Facepalm Newsoids 41: Police Blotter

cop facepalm
Cops need to facepalm too, sometimes.

Recent news from the police blotter

The Central Park Bear Mystery Solved:  10 years ago, a dead black bear cub was found in New York City’s Central Park obscured by bushes and an abandoned bicycle. The person taking responsibility for it is no less than the independent Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. RFK unleashed his confession in a 3-minute Twitter/X video this past Sunday (August 4), where he confesses to comedienne Roseanne Barr about how the bear ended up in his van upstate, and how he brought it to NYC’s largest urban park to make it look like the bicycle hit it. The bear cub was actually killed by a driver in front of RFK somewhere in the Hudson Valley while RFK was leading a nature expedition to search for falcons.

Drug Smugglers in the News: A 41 year-old woman from St. Petersburg, Florida named Lauren Riley was busted for carrying a bag of drugs, which was clearly marked “Bag of Drugs” outside the bag. As advertised, the bag contained opioid pills, d-amphetamine, and Xanax. In addition, the bag contained a metal spoon, a syringe, and four glass pipes, according to police. She was charged but soon released. However, her boyfriend who drove the car and had an open bottle of alcohol, has been arrested. The driver was not named. (1 Aug)

MADD Honouree arrested for DUI: Zachary Hyde, a police officer in Tempe, Arizona, awarded an honour by Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) a month ago, was arrested for drunk driving on July 31. Hyde is being placed on administrative leave while an investigation is ongoing.

Please Go Away: Josh McGregor, 34 of Savannah, Georgia was a manager trainee at a local MacDonald’s restaurant, and became annoyed at the fact that the store was too busy for his liking. To drive away customers, he decided to start a dumpster fire. He is now charged and convicted for arson, and sentenced to 5 years in a federal prison. (3 Aug)

Another British Supermarket Shoplifting Spree: In a recurring story where a person goes to a series of stores to steal food, another British person, 29 year-old Layton Richards of Brownlow Close in Portsmouth, England, has been charged with 24 counts of shoplifting, extending over 19 area stores, where his booty consisted of produce, and 798 Cadbury Creme Eggs. Richards has been sentenced to 8 months in prison. (1 Aug)

The Finer Points of the Law: In yet another recurring story, where what constitutes “boneless wings” makes it to a court battle, this time in Ohio, where apparently “boneless chicken” can legally contain bones. The claim was brought to Ohio Supreme Court by a patron who suffered medical complications from choking on a 1.4″ bone. They ruled 4 to 3 in favour of the restaurant, stating that patrons should not expect boneless chicken to actually not have bones. (4 Aug)

Neighbourliness in the News: In the South Tapunali Regency of North Sumatra, Indonesia, a 45 year-old man, Parlindungan Siregar, mercilessly beat his 60 year-old neighbour to death, a civil servant named Asgim Irianto, over Irianto’s repeated taunting of him about his unmarried status. Irianto died on the way to hospital. The two neighbours also had a history of repeated arguments every time the chickens they owned wandered into the respective neighbour’s coop. (29 Jul)

Chickens! Oh yes, that reminds me …: Also from Indonesia, this time from the Muna Regency in the Southeast Sulawesi province, a suspect only known as DR, invited his friend, 47 year-old Kadir Markus, for some drinks and to settle a debt. DR began asking riddles, and had a particularly heated argument with Markus regarding the riddle “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” DR got so upset that he stabbed Markus 15 times, resulting in his death. DR has been charged with murder, and faces up to 18 years in prison if convicted. (24 Jul)

Thomas Crooks: Lone nut or Self-hating Conservative?

Crooks
This is one of the most common pictures circulating of would-be assassin Thomas Crooks (2004-2024), the lone gunman who attempted to assassinate former president Donald Trump. It is a high school photo of him, probably age 16. Crooks was killed by counter-snipers at the Trump speech in Pennsylvania at age 20.

This article was originally written on the 16th of July, but due to technical issues, it was re-posted on the 19th.

Thomas Matthew Crooks, the lone gunman who attempted to kill Donald Trump in Butler, Pennsylvania, was a bit of a computer nerd whose only link to social media was a Discord account, which he rarely used.

Thomas Crooks had no ID at the time of the shooting, and his real identity was determined post-mortem using a DNA sample from his blood.

In fact, unlike many people his age who typically place loads of information about themselves and their beliefs online, Crooks actually left very little information about himself at all. There are no links to terrorist groups we know about; no manifesto; no screeds against the establishment or consipiracy-theory mongering. In fact, not much at all outside of a photo of a pimple-faced kid whom everyone who knew him described as “nice”.  On his graduation in 2022, he was one of 20 recipients for a National Math and Science Initiative Star Award.

Crooks had a job as a kitchen worker (or “dietary aide”) at Bethel Park Skilled Nursing and Rehab Center. His employer told CNN that he performed his job without any concerns and that he had a clean background check. No one in his high school years or since, has ever known him to be political. Meanwhile, he had just graduated with high honors earning a diploma in engineering science at The Community College of Allegheny. The college had cited no record of misconduct, or of security-related matters, according to the BBC.

What seems to be at question here is how the Secret Service allowed such an amateurish assassination attempt to take place. According to former CIA security analyst Bob Ayers, the Secret Service “didn’t do a very good job” securing the area. The question of how it is possible for a young man to climb on top of a nearby building and start shooting without anyone stopping him has so far gone un-answered. “There should not have been any possibility for a person armed with a rifle to climb right up a building and shoot at the [former] president,” Ayers said.

It is certain that Crooks saw no military service, did not receive much formal training in the use of a rifle, and had no special skills in camouflage and making himself unseen. He simply drove up to a nearby building about 120 metres from where Trump was giving his speech, climbed up on the roof, and started shooting. After killing an attendee and wounding two others with stray bullets and another grazing Trump’s ear, Crooks himself was killed by sniper fire from the Secret Service.

His parents are both registered counsellors. As for political affiliations, his father is a registered Republican and his mother is a registered Democrat. Thomas himself was going to cast his first vote as an adult as a registered Republican this coming November, according to Reuters. Despite this, at age 17, he dontated $15 to the Progressive Turnout Project, which is a Democratic cause. Both contradictory facts have been declared “True” by a Snopes fact check.

The rifle used was his father’s  ArmaLite Rifle, known as an AR-15 semiautomatic rifle, manufactured by Colt, purchased about six months ago, according to the BBC. This version of the AR-15 is considered a “civilian rifle”. The military version of the AR-15 is fully automatic. There is no suggegstion that his father had any idea as to what was about to take place on the day of the shooting. That day, Crooks purchased 50 rounds of ammunition, according to CBS News. On the day of the shooting, he wore a T-Shirt from the YouTube channel Demolition Ranch, a pro-gun channel with millions of subscribers. After Crooks was taken down, a search of his vehicle revealed unused explosive devices inside the car.

CBS reports that his father Matthew Crooks called law enforcement after the shooting, for reasons that were unclear. He is not yet speaking to reporters, saying that he wishes to talk to police first.

Police have been unable to uncover a motive, but according to interviews with his school cohorts, he was strong academically, a neat dresser, with a future ahead of  him. He was also known for being a member of a local gun club, but was never chosen for his high school varsity rifle team, known for being a “terrible” shooter. He argued staunchly on the Conservative side of his debating club, making it difficult for people who knew him to believe that he would either want, or be capable of, carrying out an assassination attempt on a Conservative candidate.

The Republican Party has opened a fundraising page to help the families of the victims of the shooting. It has so far raised around $350,000.

Facepalm Newsoids 40: The Alley Cat Edition

wtaf
“I didn’t know alley cats could talk!”

Biden lost to an alley cat. With the facts on the Democrat’s side and every reason to be on the offensive and win the debate, Joe Biden succumbs to his cold medications and appears overwhelmed, inarticulate, senile, and, after a week of preparation, handed Donald Trump, a man with no preparation for anything, the victory. This is the first time in my life where I witnessed Trump as being quiet, and not overbearing. All Trump needed to do is to stand by quietly and allow Biden to fall apart, unaided, in front of an audience of 51 million CNN viewers. And when it was Trump’s turn to talk, he only needed to repeat his catalogue of lies about his presidency and Biden’s, knowing that he would say those things effectively unopposed regarless of the facts. It is worth noting that the Democrats called the debate and largely set the rules. But despite Trump’s victory, there is still no Republican platform, other than “vote for me”. And I still hear that the only Mexico paying for “the wall” is New Mexico. Just sayin’.

What I would have told Trump yesterday. The day after the debate, at a rally in North Carolina, Joe Biden gave an inspiring, rousing speech for the ages that was largely ignored by the media and had nowhere near the ratings of the debate. It appeared to be a catalogue of “what I would have told Trump to his face” if he had his faculties the previous day, but at least it was done with feeling.

Alley cat morality in the news. Boeing CEO Dave Calhoun could not remember the number of former employees he fired for whistleblowing. This came up during a Senate hearing after two Boeing passenger planes crashed, resulting in a $243 million criminal penalty, and an undisclosed amount to the families of the victims: an amount still undisclosed even after being asked by Senator Richard Blumenthal what the CEO knew the dollar amount was. Calhoun said he didn’t know the precise amount. As for the fired whistleblowers, he said “I know it happens”, though he didn’t say how many were fired. (18 June)

Vote for beer freedom. Speaking of parties with no platform, we need not go all the way across the American border to observe right-wing leaders making no political platform, but trashing the opposition for having one. Right here in Ontario, Doug Ford spent an extra billion to get alcohol into the grocery stores 1 year earlier than planned; shut down the legislature a week early for summer recess (to extend summer recess until October 21, six weeks later than normal, for a total recess period of nearly 5 months),  after a surprise expansion and shuffling of his party’s cabinet; then shut down the Ontario Science Center in a bid to move it to a smaller venue, Ontario Place, under the ruse of a roof in need of repair in the old location, which even had the original architects of the Ontario Science Center crying foul. Because the legislature isn’t sitting, the government doesn’t have to face accountability from opposition members for Ontario Place, spending an extra billion for its signature “beer liberalization” policy, the shutting of hospital emergency rooms, or anything else.

Facepalm newsoids #39 – Food in the News

Food, such as this oven-ready, brown-n-eat, taste-flavoured eating substance.

Dr. Pepper beats Pepsi. Earlier this month, in the fight for second place, the soft drink Dr. Pepper, owned by the food giant Keurig Dr. Pepper, is now leading a trend for unusual soft drinks to enter the market, and is now selling second only to Coca-Cola, putting Pepsi in third place. (3 June)

Pondering Pizza Prognostications. Domino’s Pizza has made a huge investment in Microsoft AI, betting on its ability to predict your order the minute before you place your order. When it thinks you are “ready to order”, the process of pizza making has already begun. This is based on a press release from Microsoft’s MSN website, released last week. (7 June)

Going hardcore for Grandma. MacDonald’s has figured out that your grandma liked ice cream treats with butterscotch and syrup mixed in, along with some crunchy stuff. This is apparently part of a trend started by TikTok influencers and Gen-Zers, known as “Grandmacore”. (21 May)

Popping Pringles. 40 year-old Adam Spencer, a resident of the county of Nottinghamshire in England, went on a shoplifting spree of grocery stores around the county and, among his booty, was 17 tubes of Pringles chips. He was arrested by officers in Nottinghamshire, and in his confession, offered his rationale for stealing Pringles: “Once you pop, you can’t stop”, borrowing the product slogan. (2 June)

Coffee for Giuliani. Because he can’t find accountants willing to care for his finances, former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani has taken to peddling a brand of coffee bearing his name as a brand to reduce his debts which are now running north of $148m USD, not counting what he owes in court settlements. He has three flavours of coffee: Decaf, Bold, and Morning Coffee, selling for $29.99 USD, and he has put up a website advertising it. Giuliani himself has been unavailable for comment, and has in fact made himself invisible to law enforcement, who has been searching for him to serve him a summons for some months now. (21 May)

 

 

Facepalm Newsoids #38 – May ‘two-four’ edition

Facepalm Stout: Get your 2-4 of that today!

This week’s theme are getting a ‘two-four’, and some of the things that go with a long weekend spring break. In addition, you might have noticed that “May 2-4” occurs next Friday, 24 May. But the actual holiday is Monday, 20 May.

Brew your own. Anse Ghesquiere, a Belgian man, was acquitted of drunk driving charges after failing a breathalyzer. What acquitted him is that he has a rare medical condition called “auto-brewery syndrome”, where his body produces its own alcohol. As part of the syndrome, the person posessing the condition would have elevated blood-alcohol levels, but not feel any symptoms of intoxication. (22 Apr)

Weedin’ in Wisconsin. In a tulip garden outside the Wisconsin state Capitol, someone noticed what looked like marijuana plants growing. Spokeswoman Tatyana Warrick told the press that while workers removed the plants, it was not clear if they were marijuana or hemp plants. Only marijuana plants contain the chemical that gets people high. Warrick would not respond to questions as to who planted them. (17 May)

Judge declares tacos and burritos as a kind of sandwich. Martin Quintana had been trying to open a second location of his sandwich-bar style restaurant in Fort Wayne, Indiana, but had been denied the permit because his desire to make tacos and burritos is seen to run afoul of his committment to produce submarine sandwiches. Yesterday, after three years of legal wrangling, a judge ruled that indeed, tacos and burritos can be considered to be “a kind of sandwich”, allowing him to serve tacos at his new location. (17 May)

Drinking too much Tequila, that’s what that’s about. Last week, we heard news from across the border that Robert F. Kennedy Jr claimed that a worm ate part of his brain. After some surgery, the worm was found dead. He also was diagnosed with Minimata disease, also called mercury poisoning, from eating contaminated fish. He also has a heart condition. The 70 year-old Mr. Kennedy touts his athleticism and youth as giving him the edge over the other two candidates. (14 May)

Something else that goes with beer. New York City firefighters received free pizza about two weeks ago, hand-delivered by Donald Trump, after he spent a day in court. (2 May)

 

Facepalm Newsoids 37 – And how is that cure for cancer going?

Still/Meme from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. He also hasn’t found a cure for cancer.

Toilets in the news (again). Researchers Dr. Liang, Dr. Ding, Dr. Wu, and Dr. Sun have concluded, after a meta-analysis of data from 4,915 papers published on the subject, that global warming can increase the incidence of infectious diarrhea (ID). ID can consist of dysentry, cholera, typhoid fever and paratyphoid fever, as well as foodborne infections. The general message to mankind here is that as global temperatures rise, we should prepare for more diarrhea (traces back to this paper from 2021).

Dinosaurs died maybe because they were on ‘shrooms. Dinosaurs died around 66 million years ago, around the time that the genus Psilocybe, or magic mushrooms evolved, according to genetic analyses. If dinosaurs died because of magic mushrooms, at least they died happy. (9 Jan)

This proves we can talk to aliens. Researchers from University of California at Davis sailed to the southeast coast of Alaska to talk to a humpback whale named Twain, in what they believe is the world’s first successful whale-human communication. But having a 20-minute conversation with a whale wasn’t the endgame for these researchers. What they really want to do is talk to aliens by interpreting signals from outer space by using whales for practice. (7 Mar)

They’re out there. Not having found aliens yet, frustrated astrophysicists from the University of Rochester have moved beyond looking for biological markers, and have begun looking for technological markers. They have decided that to accomplish this, they will look for the presence of oxygen, being convinced that it correlates with advanced technology. The thinking being: where there’s oxygen, there’s aliens; where there’s aliens, there’s fire; and where there’s fire, there’s someone setting that fire; and where someone is setting the fire, someone is using it to make something; and where there is something made, there is advanced technology. They are looking for a planet with an atmosphere of at least 18% oxygen, the same as that on Earth. The work is being partially funded by a grant from NASA. (2 Jan)

GMOs found in nature. It was found that under controlled conditions in the lab, that gene transfer could occur in 5% of zebrafish, provided they were near an electric eel that was discharging electricity at the time. Bodies of water are full of ambient DNA, known as environmental DNA (eDNA), which is what scientists have observed being transferred into the zebrafish. eDNA could come from plants, single-celled creatures or other animals. Scientists suspect that eels can contribute to biodiversity or even the creation of new species. (Dec 2023 1 2)

 

Facepalm Newsoids 36

facepalm_chimp04
Chimp facepalms never get old

Rumors of death were exaggerated. According to New York magazine, Russian media were spreading rumors of the death of King Charles III of England. But for a short time it caught on, and there was also a frantic search for Kate Middleton, who had not been seen since Christmas of 2023. By St. Patrick’s Day, flags were flying at half-mast. By 18 March, the King emerged, showing the rumors of death to have been exaggerated. According to the magazine, “The royal family is still a mess, and their flag remains high”. So we can all go back to sleep now. King Charles had been diagnosed with cancer back in February. He is 75 years old.

Monster in charge. Godzilla, the enormous giant mutant lizard from Japanese thriller movies of decades ago, has been made police chief of Tokyo for a day. This was in a campaign to raise consciousness about traffic safety. Other Japanese movie characters were used for related reasons regarding day-to-day law enforcement. (20 Mar)

The Croissant Bandit of Richmond. In Richmond, a suburb of Melbourne in the province of Victoria, Australia, a 44 year-old woman was charged with burglary of a bakery when she broke in wearing a catsuit. But she would not steal those almond croissants she craved before doing some yoga stretches, as shown on a CCTV camera recording. The woman was charged with theft, and burglary. This incident could be made part of an ad campaign for Phillippa’s Bakery, where she broke in. The name of the Croissant Bandit was not made public. (8 Mar)

Take your poop with you. Climbers in Mount Everest must take their poop with them back down the mountain, to address a growing waste problem, according to a new regulation passed down by the Nepalese government. Most people who climb Everest do so through Nepal, who sells climbing permits at $11,000 apiece. It takes another $25,000 when you factor in food, equipment, oxygen tanks, and Sherpa guides.  Last year, there were a record 478 permits issued to climbers, and on average they would produce 3.5 kg of excrement over the 2-week period climbing the mountain, and coming back down. For the 478 climbers, that’s 1.67 metric tonnes of excrement in one year, illustrating the extent of the problem. An initiative led by the Nepali Army has led to the removal of nearly 36 metric tonnes of excrement, which had not degraded in the frigid and oxygen-poor environment of Everest over the years. (25 Mar)

Men and turkeys look so much alike. A man in Bunnell, Florida was hunting turkeys, when, as he followed three female turkeys on the road, in the hope of finding a male turkey, and soon was shooting at what he thought was his prize, which turned out to be another man yelling in agony that he had been shot. The hunter called 911 and expressed remorse for the shooting. The victim was taken to hospital in Daytona Beach, where he had to have bird shot removed from his head and torso. Neither the hunter nor the victim have been identified to the public. (18 Mar)

Social media being sued by Ontario School Boards. In Ontario, four school boards in the GTA and Ottawa have sued Meta, Snap Inc. and ByteDance Ltd., over their apps which has been shown by research to stunt child brain development. The claim in the lawsuits is that social media are designed for compulsive use and have “rewired the way children think, behave and learn” (quoting the Toronto Star), leaving teachers and school boards to deal with the consequences. The school boards are seeking damages in excess of $4 billion for its disruption to learning and the school system itself. Premier Doug Ford has expressed shock that the boards are suing these companies, who violated no laws, because federal and provincial governments never created any to regulate these companies in the first place. Ford’s reasoning had a sliver of common sense: they are large companies with very deep pockets that could cost the government hundreds of millions of dollars to fight, and past court battles of a similar kind by hundreds of school boards in the states were not always successful. So, how would Ford feel instead about regulating these companies, which would cost them much less? (28 Mar)

Facepalm Newsoids 35 – Redneck News

This lady’s face is covered by her cell phone, which we’ll take as this week’s facepalm. This image of a mirror – yes, a mirror – connected to the internet (or, actually, failed to connect) just increases the cringe factor. Taken from Facebook.

The Beer Bandits of Nashville. In redneck news, WSMV News 4 in Nashville, Tenessee has been following the stories of various beer thieves as an annual event. Each year, they report on beer being stolen, such as the story last year about just such a theft from the outdoor patio of a Mexican restaurant. This year just ahead of St. Patrick’s Day, a more, uh, heroic and inspirational story about a Circle K clerk that put his life on the line for the safe return of four cases of Corona beer. The thief, 50 year-old Mitchell Brown was blocked at the exit by the clerk. Brown kicked the clerk’s leg, breaking it in two places, requiring surgery. He escaped, but was caught on surveillance cameras, identified and arrested for aggravated assault, trespassing, and theft, according to reporters at WSMV. The clerk was not named (27 Feb).

A Hard Drawing. A bush pilot flew his plane near Bellfontaine Regional Airport in Ohio whose path resembled a penis. He also air-drew the words “see ya” before breaking his pattern and moving on. “That’s nuts”, said a Twitter (X) user. The number of fans gained on social media probably stroked his ego. The drawing took 6 hours, leading some to wonder how he could last that long. Reporters did not give the name of the pilot, but the plane appears to have been registered to a flight school in Ohio. Some news stories just write themselves, don’t they? (25 Feb)

Your wrangling skills are not ba-a-ad. A heard of goats escaped a nature reserve and began to roam the streets of Arlington, Texas. The police were called, and goat herd wrangling instantly became part of their job description. The herd was guided back to the field they began wandering from. (1 Mar)

Chicken dumplings dumped. In the United States, the famous grocery chain Trader Joe’s has recalled more than 27 metric tons of chicken dumplings because of suspicion they may have been contaminated by plastics found in magic markers. (4 Mar)

Hogging money from workers. Tosh Farms, Tennessee’s biggest pork producer, retaliated against its employees when one of them asked about their wages, and was threatened with termination. In addition, the employee returned to his workstation to find a severed pig’s head on his desk. An investigation by the department of labour found the company owed five of its employees $39,375 in back wages, and a further $36,731 in civil money penalties. (6 Mar)