Facepalm Newsoids 35 – Redneck News

This lady’s face is covered by her cell phone, which we’ll take as this week’s facepalm. This image of a mirror – yes, a mirror – connected to the internet (or, actually, failed to connect) just increases the cringe factor. Taken from Facebook.

The Beer Bandits of Nashville. In redneck news, WSMV News 4 in Nashville, Tenessee has been following the stories of various beer thieves as an annual event. Each year, they report on beer being stolen, such as the story last year about just such a theft from the outdoor patio of a Mexican restaurant. This year just ahead of St. Patrick’s Day, a more, uh, heroic and inspirational story about a Circle K clerk that put his life on the line for the safe return of four cases of Corona beer. The thief, 50 year-old Mitchell Brown was blocked at the exit by the clerk. Brown kicked the clerk’s leg, breaking it in two places, requiring surgery. He escaped, but was caught on surveillance cameras, identified and arrested for aggravated assault, trespassing, and theft, according to reporters at WSMV. The clerk was not named (27 Feb).

A Hard Drawing. A bush pilot flew his plane near Bellfontaine Regional Airport in Ohio whose path resembled a penis. He also air-drew the words “see ya” before breaking his pattern and moving on. “That’s nuts”, said a Twitter (X) user. The number of fans gained on social media probably stroked his ego. The drawing took 6 hours, leading some to wonder how he could last that long. Reporters did not give the name of the pilot, but the plane appears to have been registered to a flight school in Ohio. Some news stories just write themselves, don’t they? (25 Feb)

Your wrangling skills are not ba-a-ad. A heard of goats escaped a nature reserve and began to roam the streets of Arlington, Texas. The police were called, and goat herd wrangling instantly became part of their job description. The herd was guided back to the field they began wandering from. (1 Mar)

Chicken dumplings dumped. In the United States, the famous grocery chain Trader Joe’s has recalled more than 27 metric tons of chicken dumplings because of suspicion they may have been contaminated from plastics found in magic markers. (4 Mar)

Hogging money from workers. Tosh Farms, Tennessee’s biggest pork producer, retaliated against its employees when one of them asked about their wages, and was threatened with termination. In addition, the employee returned to his workstation to find a severed pig’s head on his desk. An investigation by the department of labour found the company owed five of its employees $39,375 in back wages, and a further $36,731 in civil money penalties. (6 Mar)

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