Bullshit redux

At one time, back in 2011, I wrote about a Bullshit Generator that once existed. And to be honest, I only sporadically have an interest in this subject. But I have known these BS Generators, which can spew deliberate BS on many subjects, to be hilarious in the way they poke fun at the subject areas covered, be it art criticism, postmodernism, new ageism, academe, cryptocurrency, woke-ism, corporate-speak, and web economy lingo.

Let us take an example of a cryptocurrency BS generator. Yes, a crypto bullshit generator: isn’t that the ultimate? A phrase it randomly uttered just now was: “chain linking air gapped protocol”. Let’s break that down: “chain linking” – essentially a verb; “air gapped” – essentially an adjective; and “protocol” – a noun.

We can construct our own BS generator quite simply: Let’s take three verbs in the present tense: “running”, “reading”, and “flying”. Then take three adjectives: “blue”, “soft”, “brittle”. Lastly, three plural nouns: “cars”, “kittens”, and “volleyballs”. I can come  up with some phrases such as: “running blue kittens”, or “reading soft cars”, or “flying brittle volleyballs”. All grammatically correct, but make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

But that in a nutshell is the idea behind BS generators generally, except that they generally use much longer lists of words in each part of speech. The general idea is that they have to use the parts of speech in a certain order, usually the same order. A more serious example I downloaded from GitHub, four lists of words: nouns, adjectives, adverbs and verbs of managerial gobbledygook that produce tortured cliches like: “initiate fungibly backward-compatible ideas”, or: “evisculate distinctively customized bandwidth”. Evisculate. Had to look that one up. Looks like the word only appears in bullshit generators. Probably to increase the “bafflegab” factor.

I have noted that the woke bullshit generators have “been removed from the internet”, because they don’t come up in search engines, and my old links to them no longer work. This is sad, because deception and emotional manipulation exists in many stripes and colours, and in light of corporations and Ivy League universities now taking on the mantle of woke activism, woke language deserves their place in the bullshit canon, and I hearby advocate for equal representation of that unique, special brand of tortrured words and phrases that only the woke and a committee working on a corporate board of a transnational company could come up with.

As an asside, a list of woke corporations is available if you enter the phrase in a search engine. Companies that stand out are Adobe, 3M, Amazon, Audi Volkswagen, Boeing, Capital One, Chase Bank, Chevron, Citigroup, Delta Airlines, Deutsche Bank, E-Bay, Facebook, Ford, GE, General Motors, Goldman Sachs, Google (and its parent, Alphabet), Hilton, Hyatt, Intel, LinkedIn, Lockheed Martin, Merill Lynch, Microsoft, Mutual of Omaha, Paypal, Pfizer, Raymond James, Swiss Air, Tesla, Unilever, United Airlines, Wells Fargo, and Yahoo. Behold, the thin edge of  the wedge, where large corporations can cleanse their public image, and tell the public what to think and feel at the same time. I could have put Fox News on the list, but I didn’t think you’d believe me.

The websites for these BS generators come and go over the years. I think the idea is that they generate some actual interest for a while, then the sites are taken down after the traffic dies off. One such novelty wasn’t a BS generator, but used the same algorithm to generate Shakespearean insults.

But there may have been a better reason for the web traffic dying off other than just people tiring of novelty. AI chatbots do such a good job of spinning catch phrases of various topics into an unholy mess of incoherent blather, that they indeed are a formidable competitor for being crowned the “king of bullshit”. This is especially true for older AI bots like Chat-GPT2, and to a lesser extent, Chat-GPT3. Their reputation is unshakable and it probably contributed to the demise of bullshit generators, since they do the job of spewing bullshit so much more efficiently and convincingly.

This is time which AI has chosen to embrace competently resource-maximizing niches in order to impact rapidiously sustainable products and morph assertively extensible data into a level of bullshit the world has never known.

A momentary distraction: simonsinek.com

Simon Sinek
Simon Sinek

There is a fella who looks like he’s in his mid-thirties, but is actually 48 years old. His name is Simon Sinek, and he had given Ted talks, written motivational books, and appears to be a great motivational speaker, judging by the videos I’ve seen.

His background in cultural anthropology has done him well. He had a BA in that from Brandeis University, and later entered law school, but lost interest and went instead into advertising.

His anthro background shows in his talks, while his advertising background shows in his self-promotion. I went to his website simonsinek.com, and  his bio read more like just another promotion. A bit frustrating, so I went to Wikipedia. There was a short bio on his background. And short it was, since most of the high points in my article above are taken from the Wikipedia article.

For all of his talk on humanism, he appears to want the public to see Simon Sinek the “brand”, not Simon Sinek the “person”. His leadership training for ICE officers and connections to the RAND Corporation seem to be downplayed. Not sure why, since these are surprisingly high connections in American government for a motivational speaker. Or maybe I just stated the problem.

I admire his sharp eye for social trends and his ability to be critical, but done in a way that is positive and constructive. Whatever connecctions he may have in high places that might make us leery, it does not diminish his message and does not diminish his gifts as a speaker. His most touching speeches have to do with what he says about today’s youth.

His website currently promotes, not speeches to youth, but keynote speeches and workshops aimed at staffs of large companies, and workplace coaching. He is the author of 5 books, the most recent is The Infinite Game, published in 2019, a book aimed at businesses.

Completely believing people’s wildest stories

I’m into totally believing people’s wildest stories. Sometimes, when people tell me their problems, it’s complete horse-crap, with only the flimsiest relation to reality. But I sit in wide-eyed fascination of these artistic bullshitters. I’m just along for the ride, and sitting and listening to these tall tales aren’t really going to hurt me. So I believe it. All of it. With all my heart. It has nothing to do with me, so who cares? I even offer to help out with their “predicament” (which they fabricated of course). And it never amounts to anything anyway.

Here’s how you play: you completely, without holding back, believe everything a bullshitter tells you. If they falter, help them out in order to get their story right. In order to win the game, you have to “land on your feet”, and neither player gets hurt. Those are the rules.

OK? Ready to rumble?

I saw Karen again, and this time it was in the Student Building on campus. She asked me if I remember bumping into her a month ago near the Harbour Front with her mother. I vaguely remembered, and said so.

She said if I could clearly remember this, that she wanted me to testify that in court, because she thought the police were giving her trouble. I was not able to find out what kind of trouble. She was evasive. I didn’t want to pry, but my naturally supportive self wanted to jump in and help her out. I told her so. But, funny thing, none of it amounted to anything. The conversation about court just evaporated. Living in fear of the police didn’t seem all that important, all of a sudden, and I never heard about it again.

It was just like the day later on when she spoke about the fact that her parents were Nazis. She was in her 30s when she spoke to me on this (and that would make her parents, what, oh 50 or 60 years old when they gave birth to her)? She went on about how they used to operate the torture chambers in some part of Poland. She lived in mortal fear of her parents, apparently, because they ruined the livelihood of her brother and set his house on fire. She was now living in fear of them coming for her.

Now did I react and say “Come off it, Karen”? Nooooo. I was the proud picture of gullability itself. I listened to her for hours, in fascination of her and this incredible story. The next day I ran to the university library and took out an atlas of Nazi prison camps. There were hundreds of small camps dotting Poland. I laid it out for her to jog her memory. She pointed at one called Treblinka, but she was no longer going into the same level of fine detail that she was regaling to me earlier with.

The subject was dropped, and never pursued again. For some odd reason, the topic of her parents about to kill her any day now did not seem to inspire as much fear and was no longer important, and she never brought it up again.

I wannabe Chris: A parody about Chris Crocker Parodies – Updates

Some updates to the story I wrote.

There are some minor changes to my story. (link above)

The Chris Crocker video in question.

His imitators (parody, of course, and not all male). Many of these stray far off the topic of Chris Crocker: 1 2 3 4 5 (Israel?) 6 7 8 9 10 (a hockey player?) 11
There are dozens more, but I haven’t got anywhere near that kind of time to collect them all.

I have a link to the original story about The Hockey Sweater by Roch Carrier.

Some related comments in an earlier article I wrote.

Threes (by John Atherton)

“Threes” – John Atherton

I think that I shall never c
A # lovelier than 3;
For 3 < 6 or 4,
And than 1 it’s slightly >.
All things in nature come in 3s,
Like , trios, Q.E.D.s;
While $s gain more dignity
if augmented 3 \times 3

A 3 whose slender curves are pressed
By banks, for compound interest;
Oh, would that, paying loans or rent,
My rates were only 3%!

3² expands with rapture free,
And reaches toward ∞ ;
3 complements each x and y,
And intimately lives with π.
A circle’s # of °
Are best ÷ up by 3s,
But wrapped in dim obscurity
Is \sqrt{-3}.

Atoms are split by men like me,
But only God is 1 in 3.

My Geo-Trig Poem

“Geo-Trig Poem”

You take tan b and ×
sin(cos(q+y))
and just to make it more complex
÷ cot(Δx)
And so then by csc(Θ)
× angles π, ρ, η
and show that they continue on
by proof with δ – ε.

Once tidied-up you then inspect
and find the answer incorrect
So then you do the question over
Once it’s right you then discover
You were to do the even ones
and not the odds, which you had done.

You give it up and say you’re leaving
Geo-Trig for basket weaving.

— something I wrote back in Grade 12.

A shaggy dog

I have always been in stitches every time I read Peter Applebome’s imitation Hemingway in the following “shaggy dog” story:


We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. …

I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk white BMW and her Jordache smile. There had been a fight. I had punched her boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls. Everyone told him, “You ride the bull, senor. You do not fight it.” But he was lean and tough like a bad rib-eye and he fought the bull. And then he fought me. And when we finished there were no winners, just men doing what men must do. …

“Stop the car,” the girl said. There was a look of terrible sadness in her eyes. She knew about the woman of the tollway. I knew not how. I started to speak, but she raised an arm and spoke with a quiet and peace I will never forget.

“I do not ask for whom’s the tollway belle,” she said, “the tollway belle’s for thee.”

The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie. Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I poured whiskey onto my granola and faced a new day.

— Peter Applebome, International Imitation Hemingway Competition
Click here for the unedited version Once there, scroll to the bottom.

Little known books by JK Rowling

An example of an obscure JK Rowling book: Welcome Back, Potter

Harry Potter gets teacher training, graduates, and gets sent back to Hogwarts to teach. He is assigned a classroom of the worst students in the school, referred to as “sweathogs”, or to be more precise, “warthogs”. See what happens with our future witches and warlocks who have emotional and learning problems, who are unable to manage themselves in a regular witchcraft learning environment. Vinnie Barbarino is played by the son of Count Dracula. Soon to become adapted for television as a sitcom.