Tag: drugs

Facepalm Newsoids 41: Police Blotter

cop facepalm
Cops need to facepalm too, sometimes.

Recent news from the police blotter

The Central Park Bear Mystery Solved:  10 years ago, a dead black bear cub was found in New York City’s Central Park obscured by bushes and an abandoned bicycle. The person taking responsibility for it is no less than the independent Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. RFK unleashed his confession in a 3-minute Twitter/X video this past Sunday (August 4), where he confesses to comedienne Roseanne Barr about how the bear ended up in his van upstate, and how he brought it to NYC’s largest urban park to make it look like the bicycle hit it. The bear cub was actually killed by a driver in front of RFK somewhere in the Hudson Valley while RFK was leading a nature expedition to search for falcons.

Drug Smugglers in the News: A 41 year-old woman from St. Petersburg, Florida named Lauren Riley was busted for carrying a bag of drugs, which was clearly marked “Bag of Drugs” outside the bag. As advertised, the bag contained opioid pills, d-amphetamine, and Xanax. In addition, the bag contained a metal spoon, a syringe, and four glass pipes, according to police. She was charged but soon released. However, her boyfriend who drove the car and had an open bottle of alcohol, has been arrested. The driver was not named. (1 Aug)

MADD Honouree arrested for DUI: Zachary Hyde, a police officer in Tempe, Arizona, awarded an honour by Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) a month ago, was arrested for drunk driving on July 31. Hyde is being placed on administrative leave while an investigation is ongoing.

Please Go Away: Josh McGregor, 34 of Savannah, Georgia was a manager trainee at a local MacDonald’s restaurant, and became annoyed at the fact that the store was too busy for his liking. To drive away customers, he decided to start a dumpster fire. He is now charged and convicted for arson, and sentenced to 5 years in a federal prison. (3 Aug)

Another British Supermarket Shoplifting Spree: In a recurring story where a person goes to a series of stores to steal food, another British person, 29 year-old Layton Richards of Brownlow Close in Portsmouth, England, has been charged with 24 counts of shoplifting, extending over 19 area stores, where his booty consisted of produce, and 798 Cadbury Creme Eggs. Richards has been sentenced to 8 months in prison. (1 Aug)

The Finer Points of the Law: In yet another recurring story, where what constitutes “boneless wings” makes it to a court battle, this time in Ohio, where apparently “boneless chicken” can legally contain bones. The claim was brought to Ohio Supreme Court by a patron who suffered medical complications from choking on a 1.4″ bone. They ruled 4 to 3 in favour of the restaurant, stating that patrons should not expect boneless chicken to actually not have bones. (4 Aug)

Neighbourliness in the News: In the South Tapunali Regency of North Sumatra, Indonesia, a 45 year-old man, Parlindungan Siregar, mercilessly beat his 60 year-old neighbour to death, a civil servant named Asgim Irianto, over Irianto’s repeated taunting of him about his unmarried status. Irianto died on the way to hospital. The two neighbours also had a history of repeated arguments every time the chickens they owned wandered into the respective neighbour’s coop. (29 Jul)

Chickens! Oh yes, that reminds me …: Also from Indonesia, this time from the Muna Regency in the Southeast Sulawesi province, a suspect only known as DR, invited his friend, 47 year-old Kadir Markus, for some drinks and to settle a debt. DR began asking riddles, and had a particularly heated argument with Markus regarding the riddle “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” DR got so upset that he stabbed Markus 15 times, resulting in his death. DR has been charged with murder, and faces up to 18 years in prison if convicted. (24 Jul)

Crappy Album Covers #14 – I need help

Freddie Gage has with this album cover, achieved a level of morbidity reserved only for folks like Nietzsche or August Strindberg. He has made a name for himself as an evangelical preacher who has won favour with the likes of Jerry Fallwell.

As a casual passerby who may not have heard of Freddie Gage, I would see that much of the design is taken up by the title.

Obviously, the death of all of his buddies weigh very heavily on his mind. He is from the southern USA and not some war-torn country. I am sure he didn’t lose anyone at Gitmo.

I think in reality, the voices inside his head told him to kill all his friends. Now he lives in regret, and in fulfillment of his persecution comlpex, he is now in actual pursuit by law enforcement.

So, what to do? Well, he could plead insanity when they arrive to apprehend him. However, he still has to live with all that guilt, on top of his illness. How does he do that?

Well, Dr. Murray Banks has the answer. He will be a fountain of advice and wisdom for our poor friend Freddie, telling him how he can live with himself, up until his first psychiatric appointment.

What about the artwork here? Late 50s to mid-60s low-budget cartoon-style artwork. For this, I would like to invent a new word to describe the effect: it’s chugly (cheesy + ugly). I think chugly was a popular style back then. It was during and after the McCarthy era that this artwork seemed to have its heyday. It didn’t offend, it could not be called “sexy” or “political” or anything else that was a virtual McCarthy-era cuss word. It was the artistic drek that could only come from the era and sociopolitical climate in which it existed. Lately, I have noticed that Starbucks and Chapters Bookstores have veered dangerously close to this kind of aesthetic.

For the record, “All My Friends Are Dead” is also the title of a song released around 2003 by the Norwegian punk rock group Turbonegro.

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Crappy Album Covers #13 — Relax, dammit!

These female prisoners were put in civvies and told that in exchange for their cooperation, they would get a larger cell with a TV and internet. And if they live at the end of this, they may even get what was promised!

The Secret Service are testing the effects of mind-alterng drugs by making their subjects, usually taken from a prison population, take a dose of their “new drug”, and then making them sleep out in the snow on nothing more than a 2×4 propped up on one end by a couple of pieces of titanium rods. Their hands are tied to the front of their bodies to prevent premature frostbite.

In the background you can see the Secret Service lab facility, nestled in an undisclosed location in the Rockies, somewhere in Oregon. The smoke is rising from their crematorium. Those were probably the remains of subjects who underwent previous drug trials and were never the same since. And since returning them to the prison population would compromise their ability to attract new candidates, the Secret Service will just report them missing.

On to the next album: Are you in your rotting wooden rocking chair in the middle of a swamp? Good. Sit. Relax. Breathe in. Breathe out. Close your eyes. Imagine that you are in your favourite EZ-Boy recliner in your living room, or lying in bed in the comfort of your home. Never mind the alligators or black bears. If you have a cell phone, you can call an ambulance. Just forget about them for now, and just focus on relaxation.”

Yup. The only way to relax me after that point is if I left the swamp and went home to my EZ-Boy recliner.

The Crack Spider’s Bitch

A funny YouTube video, satirizing those 70s and 80s Public Service Announcements from the Canadian Government regarding Canadian wildlife. It was a great series of PSAs, but they got curtailed in the mid-80s. If you don’t remember them, you can still get a kick out of it. One thing I hadn’t realized previously — the original You-Tube post this is linked to had received over 15 million views of this short film: