Categories
amusement entertainment humour parody politics

A list of state slogans

From the responses to Chris Cillizza’s request on Twitter (@CillizzaCNN) that people submit their own state motto. Fair use, since none of these were authored by Chris Cillizza, but submitted by the general public.

Alabama: first in football, but last in everything else.
Alaska: Worst deal in history. Give it back to Russia!
Arizona: Sunny, With Sucky Senators.
Arkansas: Come dig for diamonds and leave with Cotton.
California: the land of fruits and nuts
Colorado: So fricken high they voted for Hillary
Connecticut: Just a restroom between Boston and New York.
Delaware: Have you seen Delaware? It’s more like a Dela-won’t.
Florida: underwater shark bait
Georgia: Without Atlanta, It Would Be Another Alabama
Hawaii – when you only want to be “sort of” American
Idaho: “Where did you think Vodka came from?”
Illinois – Land of the only President I rank above me.
Indiana: Where Indiana Jones comes from
Iowa: Gateway to Nebraska
Kansas: “Great band! I am delivering on my promise to bring the U.S., the whole world actually, to the ‘Point of no return.'”
Kentucky: New Jersey Charm with Mississippi Sophistication
Louisiana: We’re Alabama with Better Food
Maine: Basically Canada — except Paul LePage
Maryland: The Wire was real, you know
Massachusetts: Vegans and Massholes
Michigan – The rusted-out gauntlet of the Great Lakes.
Minnesota: Always getting out over our skis.
Mississippi: more ‘I’s than teeth
Missouri: First in meth houses.
Montana: The cool stuff died 65 million years ago.
Nebraska: First in Friendship, Second in Cat and Dog Obesity
Nevada Home of High Rollers and Low Lifers
New Hampshire: A drug-infested den (Trump)
New Jersey: ‘I don’t own it, they’re just paying to use my name’
New Mexico: the only Mexico paying for my wall
New York: “At least we’re not New Jersey.”
North Carolina: Gateway to Virginia and its many great Trump properties!
North Dakota: For when you are bored of South Dakota.
Ohio…we put the O in opiates.
Oklahoma: 1st in earthquakes and tornadoes, 49th in everything else.
Oregon: The home of the witch trials.
Pennsylvania: They said I had no chance.
Rhode Island: Small state, small hands.
South Carolina, the rusty buckle of the Bible Belt.
South Dakota: Gateway to North Dakota
Tennessee. Above Kentucky in everthing but the map
Texas: Thank God for Mississippi.
Utah-needs casinos
Vermont: communists and cows.
Virginia: Make-Believe Southern State
Washington: Too much cyber.
West Virginia – Come for my Cousin, Stay for the Coal
Wisconsin – The Curdled Milk State!
Wyoming – Not sure where it is, but I think I won there.
Categories
amusement babbling

In youtube: 100 worst _____ (using auto-complete)

100 worst … youtube channels

There are thousands of “worst channels” all tied for last place, if it must have definition.

  • Channels with no videos or playlists
  • Channels with no videos but no original content
  • Channels that slander or promote racial bias or hatred
  • Channels that are advertising, disguised as entertainment or information

… pick up lines

  • That might be a worthwhile topic, but only if it’s funny, since a bad pickup line could be just boring

… video games

  • For me, they are the ones that are either
    • Impossible to win
    • Impossible to lose
    • Involve battlefields (since I always seem to get stuck in a place with no combat)

… movie lines

  • Be careful there … sometimes the worst lines are the best ones of all

… songs

  • While this is subjective, we could pick songs that were either
    • Auto-tuned to death and are not singable by any human
    • Bad quality audio, or sung/played badly
    • And, yes, the usual bad lyrics

… Spongebob episodes

  • I have a hard time distinguishing good Spongebob episodes from bad ones. I thought they were all bad.

… games/games of all time

  • We already mentioned video games, but same criteria

… pop records

  • Bad songs that were hits. Another worthwhile topic. Let’s see if Disco Duck and Who Let The Dogs Out make the list.
  • Because the list is long, a lot of tunes make the list because they were simply overplayed over the years (and become horribly annoying for that reason), but are actually decent songs:
    • Ebony and Ivory
    • My Heart Will Go On
    • We Built This City
    • Tie a Yellow Ribbon
    • Love Will Keep Us Together
    • Seasons in the Sun
    • Go Your Own Way
  • A survey conducted by listchallenges.com showed in its results, what I imagine to be people who tended not to pick songs they didn’t recognize (obviously) – except there appeared to be agreement on what is not recognizable. I don’t recognize any of the 30 or so songs at the bottom of the list, but I recognize nearly all of the songs at the top 30 of the list. We tend to perceieve as “worst” songs, songs that are actually hits (usually big hits), but are overplayed. The top 10 songs appear to be nearly all rap/hip hop tunes (except for Achy Breaky Heart, My Heart Will Go On, I’d Do Anything For Love, and We Built This City)
Categories
amusement good luck Life Popular Culture

The Chances of Winning the Lotto

There are many lotteries called “Megabucks” thoughout the United States, similar in many ways to the Canadian “Lotto 6-49”.

Winning the lottery is how many people believe they will become financially secure in their lives. In fact, about one person in 4 believe  this.

The chances of winning a lottery like the Massachusetts Megabucks lotto or the Ontario Lotto 6-49 are based in the idea that, out of 49 numbers available, you choose 6 numbers once each. Chosen that way, there are 13,983,816 ways of winning, or close to 14 million ways. If you have only one lotto ticket, then your chances are 1/13,983,816 = 0.000000715, give or take a billionth or two.

It would be fun to summarize what those chances are actually like in relation to other things.  Here we go, from my research:

  • You are 500 times more likely to die by murder or execution
  • You are 248 times more likely to be struck by lightning
  • You are 140 times more likely to die from a bee sting or a snake bite
  • You are 21.5 times more likely to be killed by terrorists
  • You are 20 times more likely to be killed in a traffic accident on you way to buying a lotto ticket
  • You are 14 times more likely to correctly guess someone’s PIN number
  • You are 14 times more likely to be consumed by a rare strain of flesh-eating bacteria
  • If you buy 50 tickets a week you could win once every 5000 years
  • You are 6.992 times more likely to die when our Earth collides with an asteroid, ending all life on Earth as we know it

But any non-participants out there don’t need my lecture. They have something better: What if you spent $10.00 on lotto tickets for 35 years? Multiplied out for thirty-five 52-week periods, becomes $18,200.00 If you had instead invested that same money in, say, a mutual fund over the same number of years at $10.00 per week, you would have $100,314.56, which is about $80,000 in profit.

Apart from it being a sure thing, it is a significant gain in wealth over what would have happened if the money was squandered on lotto tickets.

Categories
amusement Art and Design Cambridge

A Walk Around Harvard Yard

A couple of days ago at Harvard College was the first day that students had a chance to get settled away to their dorms; freshmen arrived with their parents, and clutches of parents and their young adult kids were clustered around the statue of John Harvard to have photos taken of them touching the shoe of the statue of Pastor John Harvard (1607-1638) for good luck, in particlular the left foot. Both feet however, show evidence of wear when seen up close and personal (the left much more than the right), proving that even some Harvard students can’t tell their left from their right.

The superstition of touching this guy’s shoe is a tad amusing, having heard John Harvard didn’t found the university, he was a benefactor whose contribution of books even got destroyed in a fire some 250 years ago, save for one volume. In fact this isn’t even the likeness of John Harvard. Truth be known, nobody knows what he looked like, and since the sculptor Daniel French had nothing to go on 240 years after Harvard was founded, he used a student as his model. Also, the base of the statue says that Harvard “founded” the university in 1638. But it was founded in 1636, and named after the Oxford University alumnus, but not founded by him.

The founding of Harvard was by a vote of the legislature in the former colony of Massachusetts Bay, changing its name from the former “New College”.

Categories
amusement comedy satire

I’ll let the New Yorker finish, but …

Recently, Kanye West has taken to Twitter, and many of his quotable tweets have been repackaged by someone with a lot of time on their hands, and have become the new captions on many New Yorker cartoons. Not my cup of tea (I didn’t find them either funny or ironic, just dull), but here is an example. Clicking on the graphic will get you to the source of many more of these re-worked comic frames.

Categories
amusement comedy Popular Culture

*****Adv1ce ab0ut 1ife acc0rd1ng t0 spam emai1*****

Here is a list of spam subject lines in recent emails. And remember: “The assurance receives the shoes” (wtf?)

  • Claim Your Winning!!!
  • Comfirm (sic) Your Winning!
  • Do you have the experience but not the Degree?
  • does anger discolour your life
  • Earn more money.
  • Earn more for a suitable life.
  • Earn more for a improved life.
  • Earn more for a effective life.
  • Earn more for a good life.
  • Earn more for a extraordinary life.
  • Earn more for a superior life.
  • Eat/Feed your Family for Less
  • Get nominated for a degree
  • Get that higher income you deserve.
  • Get that higher income you deserve for a improved life.
  • Get that higher income you deserve for a effective life.
  • Get that higher income you deserve for a pleasant life.
  • Get that higher income you deserve for a good life.
  • Get that higher income you deserve for a more satisfactory life.
  • Get that higher income you deserve for a prosperous life.
  • Get that higher income you deserve for a extraordinary life.
  • Get that higher income you deserve for a superior life.
  • Hey About Me!!!
  • Hey, Friend
  • how are you
  • how are you doing?
  • how are you doing?
  • I Need Help
  • I Need Your Assistance
  • I search love
  • I SOLICIT YOUR CONSENT
  • If you buy a new diploma, your employer will have to raise you.
  • Impulse Buys Happen During “Use it or Lose It” Season
  • Is your skills about to expired?
  • It happens tonight
  • Stop being a fking loser
  • Stop being failure in the bedroom
  • Stop being obese and unhappy
  • Stop being so serious
  • Stop being the joke among the gals
  • Stop being the little guy
  • Stop Complaining and Deal with Your Workplace Resistance Professionally
  • Stop crying i will help
  • Stop disappointing your girl
  • Stop feeling embarrassed with your lady
  • Stop gaining weight and get the figure you want
  • Stop and Read
  • Stop hesitating, get it here now
  • Stop ignoring damn mails
  • Stop Procrastinating; Your Competitors are GSA Approved
  • Stop racking your brains for a solution
  • Stop screwing up your life
  • Stop sending me back my mails
  • Stop sending me mails!
  • Stop Spinning Your Wheels and Start Selling to the Government
  • Stop Smoking Today!
  • Stop worrying about your meds
  • Stripping for pleasure
  • Strong private parts to bang women
  • Stunning Latvian models in lingerie
  • Suffering from Premature Ejaculation?
  • Take her deep today
  • Take my mom home please
  • Take part in a sexual marathon with our qualified help!
  • Take this c0ck enlargement pi11 only if you want to attract the best women
  • Take your sexy break!
  • Talks break down, world war unavoidable
  • Tap her hole and drill her
  • Teach her how to suck your rod
  • The assurance receives the shoes
  • The enlargement breakthrough
  • The experimental refutation of the knollohoaxers
  • The finger did not feel his mouth, and his mouth did not feel the finger.
  • The first attempt at flogging the “I am credible snow” rubbish
  • The Garooz Emailmoney Tree
  • The giant rose from my boxers
  • The greatest shag of all
  • The Manufacture and Sale of Saint Einstein – Compelling stuff
  • Tired but can’t sleep?
  • Tired of being overweight?
  • Tired of being small?
  • Tired of coming quick?
  • Tired of have a small manhood?
  • Tired of having sand kicked in your face?
  • Tired of losing your erect1on in 15 minutes, or a small sch1ong?
  • Tired of weight-loss programs that don’t work?
  • Tired of your girl being unable to come when you have sex?
  • Tired of your poor health?
  • Tired with prescriptions?
  • Upsize your manhood today
  • Upsize your package easily with us
  • U have a package with FEDEX
  • Upsize your power drill
  • Wanna be more man?
  • Wanna be slim?
  • Wanna bed all the hotties
  • Wanna have eye-catching manhood?
  • Wanna meet?
  • Wanna More Sales
  • Wanna play?
  • Wanna good bang for the buck?
  • Wanna piece of action?
  • Want to see our problem?
  • Want to smile again?
  • Want to unsubscribe?
  • Want your opinion on that
  • What meal is more healthy
  • What the Traitors Are Taking from Us
  • What unites geniuses?
  • What women need
  • What your bankers NEVER told you!
  • Who called today?
  • Who can tell?
  • Who Controls The American Media?
  • Who didn’t flush, m-f-ers?
  • WHO IS JESUS ?
  • Who made America cry?
  • Who’s dead, when and what did he die of?
  • Who’s food is this?
  • You idiot, what’ve you done?
Categories
amusement babbling

The “Hall of Shame” Hall of Shame

A list of halls of shame I have found on Google. I stopped after the 5th page:

Reality TV Hall of Shame

Pet Store Hall of Shame

Twitter Hall of Shame

Graphical Interface Hall of Shame

Weed Hall of Shame

Canada Goose Hall of Shame

Categories
amusement Celebrity comedy

An editorial about Tiger Woods

(this is a low-brow paraphrasing of the article in this month’s Notebook article in Harper’s magazine)

In this age of illegal invasions of Iraq, and the looting of the treasury and of customers by the banks, why does the press focus so much interest in the penis of a pro golfer? Did Tiger Woods steal your life savings? Did he reposess your house after convicing you that you were elegible for obscene amounts of credit? Can the deaths of thousands of Iraqis be laid at the feet of Tiger Woods? Did Tiger poison our air and our water, did he spew the greenhouse gas that will desertify America? Tiger hangs his head in shame for something that befalls all rich and famous people — the temptation of women who throw themselves at his feet. But compared with these other things, who really must be shamed?

We have made into a “problem” something that usually is common thr0ughout history for the rich and famous. Adultery is now worthy of the psychiatrist’s couch, treatment centers, and talk shows. It is OK to feel sexually aroused in a BMW showroom, but in this day and age you are not allowed to feel that way with your partner in the back seat of one. In the church of capitalism, sexual arousal is now for the purpose of closing the sale, not for procreation or pleasure.

My guess is that Tiger Woods’s real crime was that he didn’t get it.

Categories
activism alternative lifestyles amusement

Nuts with guts: Crazy iPhone lady

Caught a vid of a nutty lady with a cell phone railing against cell phones. Going by the palm trees, I guess this is likely California, where being a wingnut is socially acceptable.

The basic schtick appears to be: don’t be seduced by technology, they’re taking over your brain! I feel sorry for her in a way. She does have a point. I take her point to be for us not to be slaves to technology. Tell the kids to turn the cell phone off. Go outside and play. Get on your bicycle, your skateboard; play catch. Chat with each other face-to-face.

Categories
amusement comedy parody satire

Answering Machine Message From Queensland Maroochydore High School

This answering machine message is rumored to come from Maroochydore High School in Queensland, Australia for use on their telephone answering system. It is likely a fake, since I have seen this same video where the Brits take the credit for it. The start of the message where can i buy viagra without a doctor does not say the name of the school, also adding to the suspicion that it’s fake. Anyway nothing is lost in the homour value of this vid:

[media id=5 width=400 height=300]

Categories
album covers alternative amusement pop rock Popular Culture

Crappy Album Covers #161 — The uses of recycled curtains

Album_Cover_Crap_213_-_worstalbumcovers_com June Mary Gough (stage surname is Bronhill) (1929-2005) sports a long dress made from curtains taken from a rummage sale at the Sydney Opera House. 

She is a renowned operatic soprano, and was made an Officer of the Order of the British Empire. She is here posing outside of an opera house in her native Australian state of New South Wales.

Album_Cover_Crap_214_-_worstalbumcovers_com These neatly dressed lads and curtain-wearing ladies probably have no connection to this Canadian rock group that shares their namesake. 

In fact, there are a number of current bands that share this name. One of them is an Irish trad band that sings such ditties such as “Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour on The Bedpost Overnight?” That version of the Black Diamonds has no women in it. Needless to say, I couldn’t find any straight information on this group.

Categories
Academe album covers alternative amusement comedians Pop Culture pop rock Popular Culture

Crappy Album Covers #160 – Elvez Prezley