Crappy Album Covers #295 — A Fink Fixation

There have been many electrons spilled recently (I can’t say “much ink spilled”, this being the Internet) over a certain kind of woman who seem to always fall in love with jerks, then they meet a nice guy who they tell their problems to, they become friends, then she dates the jerk again, leaving the more deserving “friend” empty-handed. 

Jackie Kannon has those ladies figured out. They are called “rat fink lovers”. And to turn this part of the music-buying market into a cash cow for him, he has music for these rat fink lovers to love their rat fink boyfriends.

In reality, this 1964 album contains many standards that were current with the early-to-mid ’60s “lounge music” that had its heyday back then. The album is considered rare, and a copy was being sold on Amazon, used, for US$49.
This album loses on all fronts. The title is a poorly-constructed pun (“Sing along with Mitch”, I think is the general idea). Alfred E. Neuman is depicted with the trademark Mitch Miller ghoti. 

Mitch Miller (1911-2010) was a household name in the mid-1960s, known for his television series and accompanying record series, “Sing Along With Mitch”, which was active between 1961 and 1964. He was also head of artists and reperoire for Columbia Records.

Visits: 111

Crappy album Covers #294 — Agents need love, too

Over at The Matrix, these four agents spend their time masquerading as a singing group when they’re not reporting back to The Man. But cyborgs have needs too. 

Yes, like the rest of us, they need female companionship. They found to their disappointment that pencil-neckties, pocket protectors,  and horn-rimmed glasses will only get you so far in this world.

But not just female companionship. Cyborgs also might express an interest in raising a family, seeing their little cyborgs go to school, playing catch with their little son and daughter agents-to-be, and maybe even go to a movie as a cyborg family once in a while.
And here is the answer to their prayers: four ladies for four guys. Female agents are deceptively heavy (as are sentinel men), and have to be delivered by crane. Four beautiful cyborg women for them to settle down with and have a family. 

There is no information on The Shows Brothers, except that they appear to be still making albums; and Kentucky-born Jonah Jones (1909-2000) was a Jazz trumpeter who made it into The Jazz and Big Band Hall of Fame a year before he died at age 91. During his tenure, Jones performed with the likes of Cab Calloway and Benny Carter. He would lead his own band after 1950.

 

Visits: 113

[Video Monday] Ocean – One More Chance

A professional audio engineer calling himself mojofilter seems to have made a reputation for himself with his plethora of old and new Canadian hits transferred from vinyl or some other analogue source into digital form. I have showcased a few of his transferred recordings already. You can click here to subscribe to his YouTube channel. If you click on the YouTube video below, you can be sent to the page which houses this video, and you can hear the full story on the 5-member group from London, Ontario calling themselves Ocean, and their rise and fall.

“One More Chance” was their second hit, peaking at #12 in 1972.

Visits: 87

Crappy Album Covers #293 — Female American Indians on Vinyl

This 1967 album by Buffy Sainte-Marie is her fourth, and has one hit, “The Circle Game” in it, which waited around for three years before charting at #76 in 1970.

Not having a bad voice as an excuse (compared with Dylan, etc), it still seems that most of her hit songs, most notably “Until It’s Time For You To Go”, were covered as bigger hits by other artists.  Other examples: “Universal Soldier” (was a hit by Donovan); and who can forget “Up Where We Belong” (Joe Cocker/ Jennifer Warnes)? Ironically, “The Circle Game” is not hers. That one was a Joni Mitchell cover. It is interesting to note that both Joni Mitchell and Buffy Sainte-Marie were born in Saskatchewan: Joni in Saskatoon, and Buffy in a Cree reserve in the Qu’Appelle Valley.

She has, as recently as 2008, claimed that Lyndon Johnson was instrumental in suppressing Native American music on the airwaves, but also in helping to suppress protest music generally. An interview of this was published 2 years earlier by American Indian Today.
Lottie Adams is less well-known, and should know better than to have caved into the latest (as of the 70s) pop-psych lingo to let the world know she is somehow in touch with herself. It is likely un-necessary in her case, but little or no straight info is available on Lottie or this record as far as I can see, so we won’t know for sure.

Visits: 73

Crappy Album Covers #292 — The SJ Blind Dating Service IV

Hi, my name is Bill Haymes, I like singing and songwriting and the educational challenge of getting children to write “adult contemporary” songs. I like nature, camping, riding down dirt roads in a VW Microbus. 

Looking for a woman who will tour with me, likes nature as much as I do, and is willing to have America’s first family on the road.
My name is Virginia Belmont. I run a bird store and kennel in Manhattan, under the Rockefeller Centre, near the subway station. After decades of running this store and selling birds and dogs, I have finally had enough of the noise and racket, and I just want to run away. Anywhere but here. 

I am also tired of the bar scene and I am seeking a man who is willing to run away with me, for a long-term committment.

Visits: 112

[Video Monday] Tom Middleton – One Night Lovers

Tom Middleton was another seventies artists who spends these days delivering mail for Canada Post in Victoria, BC. He had four hits in the mid-70s, this one being from February of 1976, peaking in Canada at #35, and never charting in the States. If you listen carefully to the intro, you can hear a guitar in the background playing “Here Comes The Sun”.

This is the last in the short-lived Video Monday series. The video seemed to have been deleted from the server, and I have replaced it with this MP3 file. Enjoy.

Visits: 150

Crappy Album Covers #291 — The SJ Blind Dating Service III

Hi. I’m Richard du Bois, I was born in The Bronx, I won Mr. America in 1954, Mr. Universe in 1955, and Mr. USA in 1957. I boinked dated Mae West, but got dumped for another guy who had a bigger pistol in his pocket. I made this record at a speech of the Full Gospel Businessman’s Fellowship, and they were all praying to be like me.

Seeking a female who agrees with me that I’m hot.
Hello. Hello? I thought the room was empty. Well, I think Dick Dubois is hot. Hi, Dickie-kins!

My name is Lu Lu, and my interests are singing country and western, and when I’n not singing, I just like to sit in front of the TV or read a trashy romance novel while eating a whole jar of cream puffs. OK, I confess, … two jars.

One of my quirks is that I order hairspray by the case, and have more cases on back order for the next 10 years. I don’t know if I wear my hair or my hair wears me!

Visits: 107

Crappy Album Covers #290 — Armageddon and Doom Revisited

Not much information exists on Mr. Luke Hollandsworth and this absolutely prophetic album.  It is obvious that it is butt-ugly, and probably handed out to parishoners after one of his sermons.
I am not sure if The Baptist Standard is the same as this Baptist Standard, which now has a web edition. But Bobby Mankin is from Houston, and this 1968 album, “Doomed by Dope”, all kidding aside, tells quite a powerful story about involvement with drugs, pushers, and the law. And of course, his conversion to Christianity afterward.

Visits: 137

[Video Monday] Gary & Dave – Could You Ever Love Me Again

Gary Weeks and Dave Beckett had a handful of minor seventies’ hits that were popular in Canada from around 1973 to 1976. The son of Gary, Jesse Weeks, now works as a police officer for the Toronto Police Service.

The hit song below is their biggest hit “Could You Ever Love Me Again”, which peaked at #1 in Canada, while flopping in the States at #92 in July of 1973.

Visits: 111

The Bed Intruder Song

In case you missed it, this song by The Gregory Brothers is based on a real news report from July 2010. This song apparently made the Billboard Hot 100 at #89, driven exclusively by iTunes downloads alone. The news report shows Antoine Dodson as a hero who has saved his sister from a rapist attack.

While the making of this video may seem to exploit the hardships of people living in “The Projects”, this is mitigated by the fact that The Gregory Brothers are donating 50% of the royalties to the Dodson family.

The report begins with Huntsville, Alabama native Antoine Dodson speaking to a reporter, the music cuts in, and his actual speech is set to music through a software called “Auto Tune”.

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Visits: 71

Crappy Album Covers #289 — The return of the SJ Blind Dating Service

Hi, my name is Steve Warren, I’m in my mid-30s, my favourite food is spicy chicken wings, and my favourite pastime consists of grooming my coiff’ and staring at myself in the mirror while playing “Dancing with myself” by Billy Idol..Seeking a woman who is quiet and is appreciative of a real man.
I’m Myrnie Henderson. I’m 28 but my hairdo makes me look 36. I just finished majoring in Music a couple of years ago. I didn’t just find my voice, I found several voices. I can sing opera like Maureen Forrester, or I can sing “Celebrity Skin” like Courtney Love. Now I don’t know who I am anymore.Seeking a man who will make me whole again.

Visits: 167

Crappy Album Covers #288 — The race to the bottom

Winning second place in the race to the bottom, is the Beatle Buddies! Four somewhat attractive women, who don’t even bother to take off their clothes, have therefore let this albun stand on the strength of their musical ability alone.
A word to their favour, their hairstyles all look pretty timeless. If it weren’t for the rest of the album design, you probably think this album was new. And reportedly, they can in fact sing, but don’t expect anything earth-shattering.
And in the race for the bottom, Ignatz Topolino wins by a nose! 

Ignatz Topolino honks out his proboscis-gleaned standards in this album series of jazz legends. He has taken out a million dollar insurance policy in case someone punches him in the muzzle in a dark alley somewhere. Even viral infections causing nosebleeds could lay him up for weeks.

So, keeping a clean nose, he honks out his harmonica hits that entice women to throw him flowers in concerts (nosegays, of course), and show him their hooters.

E-How.com describes how to play the harmonica with your nose.

Visits: 189

[Video Monday] Next – Only A Friend Of Mine (August 1975)

Next, circa 1975.

This is my first instalment in a series of lost and forgotten records from the past. Most of these hits are Canadian hits, and they are the ones that bring back memories for me from my youth.

Below is a recording from a Canadian bubblegum rock group singed on to Columbia in the early seventies called “Next”, entitled “Only a Friend of Mine”. The personnel on this 1975 recording consisted of Mark Laforme on guitar and vocals; Mel Coburn on drums and vocals; the high voice comes from Garnett Zimmerman, who played keyboards; and on Bass and vocals, Roly Greenway. This being August 2010, marks its 35th anniversary, for what it’s worth. Roly Greenway is apparently of no relation to Brian Greenway, who plays with April Wine.

Greenway and Laforme appear on the credits as the writers/composers of this single. Greenway would be better known to the world as the bassist and leader of the Canadian band Crowbar, and earlier as the backup performer for Ronnie Hawkins. Crowbar would re-form intermittently after 1977. Next was never heard from again.

But no worries, I at least have audio in the link below of probably their biggest hit.

The song “Only a Friend of Mine” barely made it into the top-40 in many regions of Canada, but was pretty catchy.

Visits: 218

Crappy Album Covers #287 – Little-Known Artists Sporting Rolls-Royces

This album, supposedly made in 1978, shows the precursor to rappers in garish cars: hippies with garish cars. In 1978, hippies were long since a dying breed, being mostly a year for either clean-cut looking guys in disco suits, or for filthy-looking punk rockers.

This record was released on the Cherry Records label out of Houston, Texas (not to be confused with the Cherry Red record label from England, which also existed in 1978). A copy of this 33-minute album in new condition — a delete, no less (you know, the kind with the hole punched through a corner of the record cover), sells currently on E-Bay for about 17 bucks (USD), and no bids are being considered. Just pay them the money. And that doesn’t count shipping. You can also buy a T-Shirt on E-Bay in connection with this album for $19.99 USD, gently used.

While half of the internet wants to sell me a copy of this album at wildly varying prices, and there is much euphoria among the sellers about how rare this record is, nobody seems to know anything more about this band. Just give the sellers your money.
Frank Ford and Andy Angel were a 70s lounge act playing instrumentals. Their 1977 album “You Can’t Have Everything” looks like a comedy album, but is really an album of jazz and funk standards that were current with the late seventies. This album is reputed to have a killer version of Herbie Hancock’s Chameleon.

Once again, not much else is known about these guys. As you can see, the record illustrated is autographed.

Visits: 105

Crappy Album Covers #286 – As Crappy as We Wanna Be

I have had many examples in this blog of black people in comedy getting all potty mouthed and raunchy. Now, Nova Scotian comedians  MacLean and MacLean, later based in Winnipeg, have shown us that whitey can be just as potty mouthed, and have potties to prove it. Here, they join the white lowbrow humour of folks such as George Carlin (1937-2008) and others. 

The brothers MacLean consisted of Gary (1944-2001) and Blair (1943-2008). It seems that their last album, perhaps a re-release of old material, happened around 2003, while Blair was still alive.
The people responsible for this album are a comedy troupe from Louisiana who call themselves Fudgeripple Follies. The “or” after “Follies” appears to have been misplaced, as the name of the play is just “Nobody Likes a Smart Ass”. 

This is the second of a two-volume set that was made “some time in the 1960s”. It is the sound track to a comedic live performance that played in the French Quarter of New Orleans.

The play itself began in 1960, and starred a then-unknown actor named Bill Holiday. After 8 years performing at the Bourbon Street theatre, Bill dropped out to pursue a career in film. This is not to be confused with Jazz singer Billie Holiday, who is female besides.

Visits: 98

Crappy Album Covers #285 – Disco Lotion and Soul Lubricant

Nancy Reed, otherwise known as Lady Reed, is a comedienne of the raunchy variety. Record stores often sold it “under the table” even as the so-called 70s sexual liberation was happening. Or maybe with titles like “International United Whores Union” they were afraid of offending their sistas at the Prostitutes Collective of Victoria (Australia), called PVC. The deal is, that this track sounds more like a manifesto for prostitutes, with swear words.

Clearly, she lives up to her image as “The Queen Bee”. Great album for those of us who want to hear lots of cuss words and think that’s comedy.

By internet standards, it’s actually pretty lame.

She was closely allied with another potty-mouthed 70s comedian, who goes by the name of Rudy Ray Moore, also known sometimes as Dolomite.
You are looking at the Dutch group’s TekNaloG’s first EP. It was released some time earlier this year, and you can actually both hear and download a free album from their website.

 

Visits: 204

I’ll let the New Yorker finish, but …

Recently, Kanye West has taken to Twitter, and many of his quotable tweets have been repackaged by someone with a lot of time on their hands, and have become the new captions on many New Yorker cartoons. Not my cup of tea (I didn’t find them either funny or ironic, just dull), but here is an example. Clicking on the graphic will get you to the source of many more of these re-worked comic frames.

Visits: 200

Crappy Album Covers #284 – Big Mean Rockers

Floridian Maurice Young, known to his adoring admirers as “Trick Daddy”, has his 1998 album right here, with the clever name “www.thug.com”. Get a load of the web browser design, and the disembodied head of Mr. Daddy, impaled on his own logo. That’s gotta hurt, Maurice.

The website still exists, along with its concomitant musician-thugs who deny they murdered somebody-or-other. All this murder is starting to get rather dull. But It looks as though MC Boosie (who hails from Louisiana) has a good lawyer, and he may stay off death row, as a visit to www.thug.com assured me.
Another staple of the CAC blogosphere, “Bass-ic Rock”, has no artist and no year. Just a goofy looking hippie with a bass guitar on the cover.

Actually, after scouring the web, I came to a Japanese site, which associates the title with a guy named Noel Edward Smith. A translation of that page tells me that this is an instructional record, complete with an accompanying book.

Visits: 102