Regretsy is into their second year.

I am a lover of satire, and I came across a great site called “Regretsy“, a parody site of “etsy“, which is a site for people who want to sell their arts and crafts. There are a lot of bad crafts out there sold by people who are often full of themselves (you have to visit the site to get the full effect), which regretsy features and pokes fun of, as well as a lot of goods on Etsy that look manufactured, and possibly done in a sweatshop, and are often sold more cheaply at other websites.

Regretsy, a site led by a media personality well-known in the southwest of United States (April Winchell), has something of a cult following, and has a sharp wit and a gift for writing to be sure. There are now over the past two years a whole host of in-jokes as well as the motto “Club Fuckery For Life” (often abbreviated as “CF4L”) which has now become part of a new subdomain of the Regretsy website.  The CF4L site is password protected, but you must look through the Regretsy site to find the password, which changes from week to week. People who couldn’t figure out the password are given a random insult (such as “fat jealous loser”, poking fun at some of the invective hurled at Regretsy by some Etsy members), along with the incorrect password you entered. My first two guesses were wrong, and I noticed when I logged in I was variously called a Douche Canoe and a Craftard by their random insult bot. Charmed!

Here is April Winchell acting like a craftard on Martha Stewart:

Crappy Album Covers #160 – Elvez Prezley

Album_Cover_Crap_212_-_kristianhoffman_com This would be the soundtrack to Elvis’s first comedy, GI Blues, released in 1960 by Paramount Pictures, where he acts as Tulsa alongside some token girl named Juliet Prowse, who plays Lili.
Album_Cover_Crap_211_-_kristianhoffman_com This is not Elvez, but “El Vez” (The Time), played by Hispanic smart aleck Robert Lopez. He is not strictly an Elvis impersonator, and has been known to do covers of other artists.

Lopez was born when the original album was created, and this parody was released almost 40 years later, in 1996.

Food Researchers announce new genetically-modified fruits

Researchers in the field of genetically-modified foods will announce in an up-coming issue of The Journal of Food Science a new breakthrough in the genetic technologies responsible for the growing of some of the basic fruits and vegetables we put on our table. These technologies will literally change the shape of the fruits and vegetables we put on our table every day. These shocking photos were first leaked to the blog “After These Messages

The above gallery depicts three fruits which were candidates in the pilot project spearheaded by an undisclosed transnational fruit company. The banana depicted shows the true power of genetically-modification to add company logos as part of the new design of these fruits. This opens the door for future use of the banana peel for the sale of advertising space for humanitarian organisations like ChildFind. The next banana you eat might have pictures of missing children grown into the banana peel.

One also cannot deny that the shape of these fruits — like that of a cube or rectangular prism — makes it easy for companies to package and ship, and also make it easier for consumers to place in their grocery bags.

The same will be happening to other fruits and vegetables. Spokespeople for the food industry say that nature does not provide us with fruits and vegetables that come in shapes that are convenient for us to carry from the market. The strawberry, like the banana, has an irregular shape, and giving it a cubic shape results in less bruising during transport. While there still needs to be some care taken for the packaging, some care still needs to be taken, since these fruits are soft and fleshy. Researchers are working on a more dense fruit and also on a banana which can be harvested in the ripened state so that consumers need not wait for days to eat under-ripe bananas, a sore point which has hurt banana sales in the past.

Researchers have also changed the shape of kiwis into small prisms, roughly the size of kid’s drink boxes. With an added artistic flair, and to reduce processing costs, they have also found a way for kiwis to grow their own straws, greatly reducing manufacturing costs at the plant level. One disadvantage is that kiwis are apparently resistant to genetic modification of its outer surface for placement of things like the company logo or the product name. This is largely due to its fibrous exterior. Strawberries face the same problem, having seeds on its exterior.

Sources at various fruit growing companies such as Chiquita and Dole vehemently deny any attempt to change the shape of fruits, which they say are trusted products which consumers have been familiar with for generations.

Many thanks to After These Messages for the photoshopping of those photos.

Crappy Album Covers #44 — Ye Are Used

If you click on the graphic, you will be sent to the page featuring this album, “Jesus Use Me” from The Faith Tones, from LP Cover Lover. The comments were so hilarious that I feel that I can’t add any original humour, except to say that it appears that they either are wearing wigs, or they have used up a truckload of hairspray. (OK, so that’s more of an observation and not exactly funny). The commonly-held suspicion that these are actually guys in drag has been bandied about so much in so many blogs, that I won’t add to that aspect of the discussion either. But I, along with thirty Helens agree, that they would not be out of place in a scene from Kids in the Hall.

In looking for information about these young ladies, who they are, where they are from and what they’re doing now, I came up empty-handed. However, I do believe I can make a blog regarding all the attempts to parody this album cover.

They have drawn comparisons to fellow crappy album cover makers “The Braillettes”. Except that The Braillettes have blindness as an excuse for bad hair. At any rate, a recent LP of “Jesus Use Me” has been rumored to have sold on E-Bay for $21.00. I see that as utterly exhorbitant.

Consider this blog entry to be the reverse of the “Joyce’s Head Pasted On Other People’s Bodies” post. Click on the graphic to go back to the original blog where these graphics originated.

In this post, it will be the heads of other people pasted on the Faith Tones’ Bodies. Sometimes they take liberties like they are doing here and not keep the hair. I would buy tramadol hydrochloride suppose it would not be Sarah Palin without the hair.

Once again, so much has been made out of Palin’s fanatical Christian views, ignorance about aspects of governing applying to the national scene, and her support of the gun lobby, and so on, that it is hard to add anything original, so I won’t. I think the picture says it all. I have to admit, however, it seems as though having Sarah replace the one in the middle is a surefire way to reduce hecklers and bring up ticket sales. Whether Sarah can actually sing is another matter. Note the similarity of my reasoning to our conventional reasoning about Palin in general: Sara is sure to get more people to vote Republican: whether she can govern — or even understand her role — is another matter.

Here is an attempt of three young ladies who go by the names of Becky, Lisa, and Emily to take a crack at fame and fortune by riding on the coattails of The Faith Tones.

Here, total respect was given to the trademark that makes the original Faith Tones famous — or rather not that famous: the hair. In photoshopping this photo, they were careful to preserve the hair.

I get the feeling that these ladies enjoy Jesus using them a bit more than is, uh, Christian.  The next album cover takes this idea to its ultimate futility.

Of course, pasting other people’s heads on their bodies is not the only possible modification to the album cover. You can also alter the title.

Just think of the possibilities of them praying for Jesus to bring along the Astroglide when he uses them. Just think of the possibilities….or not.

The Crack Spider's Bitch

A funny YouTube video, satirizing those 70s and 80s Public Service Announcements from the Canadian Government regarding Canadian wildlife. It was a great series of PSAs, but they got curtailed in the mid-80s. If you don’t remember them, you can still get a kick out of it. One thing I hadn’t realized previously — the original You-Tube post this is linked to had received over 15 million views of this short film:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc]

I wannabe Chris: A parody about Chris Crocker Parodies – Updates

Some updates to the story I wrote.

There are some minor changes to my story. (link above)

The Chris Crocker video in question.

His imitators (parody, of course, and not all male). Many of these stray far off the topic of Chris Crocker: 1 2 3 4 5 (Israel?) 6 7 8 9 10 (a hockey player?) 11
There are dozens more, but I haven’t got anywhere near that kind of time to collect them all.

I have a link to the original story about The Hockey Sweater by Roch Carrier.

Some related comments in an earlier article I wrote.