Google Autocomplete Follies

Humans are a curious species. We like to ask the questions about why things exist/happen/not happen, and so on.

When I built my search engine questions, I began with the word “WHY”, then gradually built on that, one word at a time. Now, I pass on the list of questions to you.

If the list of Google autocomplete suggestions which is to follow is taken to be the true distillation of human thought, we seem to be very preoccupied with aches and pains, bodily functions, and weather events, and not a whole lot outside of that.

WHY

⦁ him
⦁ is the sky blue
⦁ don’t we
⦁ him cast (sic)
⦁ do whales beach
⦁ am i so tired
⦁ are you running
⦁ do cats purr
⦁ am I always tired
⦁ do we yawn

WHY DOES

⦁ my cat lick me
⦁ my dog lick me
⦁ it hurt when i pee
⦁ salt melt ice
⦁ ice float
⦁ my stomach hurt
⦁ my head hurt
⦁ my jaw hurt

WHY DOES IT

⦁ snow
⦁ snow in Canada
⦁ rain
⦁ always rain on me
⦁ hurt to swallow
⦁ hurt to poop
⦁ hurt to have sex
⦁ hurt to breathe
⦁ hurt when I cough

WHY DOES IT SEEM

⦁ like everyone is rich
⦁ impossible to lose weight
⦁ impossible to get a girlfriend
⦁ hard to breathe
⦁ hard to swallow

WHY DOES IT NEVER

⦁ work out with guys
⦁ snow in London/Manchester/Swansea/England/Florida
⦁ snow on Christmas
⦁ snow
⦁ rain in California
⦁ get dark in Alaska

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS SEEM

⦁ to be (Phil Collins lyric)
⦁ to rain at night
⦁ to rain on the weekend
⦁ to rain on Good Friday
⦁ to be my fault

Crappy Album Covers #308 — Sexually Preoccupied

This is another compilation from that seminal CAC factory, TOPS, where we have had so many of our album covers come from. This 1959 album features the vocal stylings of Cesar Romero and Mel Torme, among several other artists.

TOPS records sold mostly cheap cover versions of their records in drug stores, department stores, and advertised on radio in some markets in the 1950s and early 1960s.

This is the second album from Ilene (“Rusty”) Warren, “Knockers Up”. This 1960 album title is what gave her the monacre of “The Knockers Up Gal”.

Due to the tune “Bounce Your Boobies”, a tune encouraging women to remove their bras, she also predated the sexual revolution slightly, and is said to the the “mother” of the sexual revolution.

Crappy Album Covers #307 — So Rockin’ it Hurts

This is a 1958 compilation on the “Waldorf Music Hall” record label, and was part of a series of cover tunes done by “middle calibre” acts of the time. This album featured The Ink Spots and Vincent Lopez.
Congo Mambo Mando & the Chili Peppers “On the Road With Rock and Roll”. Year unknown and not much else either.

Crappy Album Covers #306 — Run Toward the Bore

Tamara Faye LaValley (1942-2007), known to us adoring admirers as The Zealot Formerly Known As Tammy Faye Baaker (and later the zealot known as Tammy Faye Messner) had no hope growing up. She was the eldest of eight kids in a family where both parents were Pentacostal preachers, so adherence to Christianity was de rigeur. Becoming a Christian tele-evangelist was her fate.  In a strange twist for the Christian Right, Tammy Faye was actually popular with the LGBT community.

I can’t explain the cover, any more than I can explain which of the two subjects in the photo is more scared.

She died of lung cancer in Kansas City, Missouri in July of 2007, and is survived by her second husband Joe Messner.

Well, I couldn’t find much on these folks, consisting of what appears to be four clean-looking Texans (five if you count the judge).

Here, they will talk about Texas justice through the magic of song …

Crappy Album Covers #305 — Some guys know what to do with their trumpets, while …

Don “Jake” Jacoby (1920-1992) was a session musician for NBC and CBS, and also played solo at Carnegie Hall. He was also apparently for hire for building demolition contracts. Less risky than using dynamite, he would honk out a note that would cause a resonant reinforcement with the building, and down it comes!
Ernie Englund’s (1928-2002) notes caused resonance with female specimens that were tested. Apparently, they were not able to keep their clothes on.

Chicago-born Ernie Englund emigrated to Sweden in 1944, where he spent most of his life. He is considered to be a Swedish composer. He died in Gotland in 2002.

Crappy Album Covers #304 — A Man’s Man

Widely recognized in the “so bad it’s good” category of performing, they are still discussed in many Spanish-speaking blogs, not always in the most endearing of terms. The album Vamos a la playa (Spanish for “Go to the Beach”)  is also a staple in the Crappy Album Blogosphere.

Very little straight dope exists about this duo, except that they are from Venezuela, and made their claim to fame out of a botched-up performance at a 2004 buy tramadol online with paypal talent show where they forgot their lines.

Miranda plays Vamos a la Playa below, probably the way it was meant to be played.

Probably the brothers of three different mothers, The Omaha Loose Brothers have been described as singing “Pastoral Americana” (I think that means folk music), but there are traces of Jazz also.

This 1978 LP “A Celebration” sells for $300.00 in “very good” condition, according to gemm.com.

Miranda — Vamos a la Playa:
[youtube r1lMxsy7L5w]

Crappy Album Covers #303 — The Other Woman

I saw Judy in the distance, giving me the eye. I knew this was no ordianry attraction.
But after our one-night stand, I went home to my wife Bobbi, explained to her that I had a sale to do out of town, and had to spend the night at a motel, and she didn’t suspect a thing.

Judy Canova (1913-1983), sometimes referred to as “The Ozark Nightingale”, was a comedienne, and actress. She hosted The Judy Canova Show on NBC and CBS radio networks in the 40s and 50s.

I could find no information on Jim and Bobbi LeMay.

Crappy Album Covers #302 — From Ghetto to Pulpit to Outer Space

Whether a ghetto gangleader or a fundamentalist preacher, isn’t Rick Ingle always the leader of something? Rick Ingle is still going strong, with his own website, and First Baptist Church in Denton, Texas.
Yes. Lafayette Ronald Hubbard (1911-1986). Science fiction writer. Psychotherapist, practitioner of Dianetics. Founder of the Church of Scientology. And now, Jazz musician (Hubbard is credited as the composer on this 1982 record). I have never in my life heard of a book with its own soundtrack. This record claims it is the first.

So, on Battlefield Earth, they listen to Jazz. Is it that hard to imagine Dizzy Gillespie and Zoot Sims playing the soundtrack to the apocalypse? The next mushroom cloud I see, I’ll think of Oscar Peterson.

All kidding aside, musicians credited on the LP consist of Chick Corea, and Stanley Clarke.

After Hubbard’s death, control over copyright had been passed to The Church of Scientology.

In 2006, a New Jersey newspaper, The Hunterton Democrat, offered this album as the first prize in that year’s Worst Record Competition. The winner of that competition was a woman from Verona, NJ who submitted Leonard Nimoy’s “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”.

This tune by Nimoy has been seen before on SJ. In case you missed it, see below:

Leonard Nimoy, from 1967:

Crappy Album Covers #300 — Fitness Revisited

If your kids are not jumping rope or playing ball, they will grow up to be one of those Internet chat room perverts, and this record isn’t going to help.

Note to parents: buy your kids an actual ball or jump rope instead of a record album which discusses it.

On the other hand, if your kids actually like calesthetics, that isn’t natural. For the rest of the children in society, we have this record to keep you in rhythm. 1, 2, 3, stretch! …

Crappy Album Covers #299 — The Return of Self-help for the Helpless

One way to reinforce good behaviour in the young is to play them a record about manners. The cartoon drawings likely depict events and situations in the recording.

Am I the only one that sees striking resemblances between the kids on this album cover and Peanuts characters?

This is something I have a problem with, and likely many buy tramadol from mexico other people also. Oh, how I wish I could spin a record and just remember people’s names and faces, just like that!

William D. Hersey has published quite a bit on memory and cognition issues. A current paperback, published in 1991 by Hersey called “Blueprints for Memory”, currently sells on E-Bay for US$156 in new condition.

Crappy Album Covers #297 — For the kiddies

Oh, they heard of marketing in the 60s. Back then, kids went to the theatre to see Herbie the Love Bug, laugh at Buddy Hackett’s antics, then they were sold a record that tells a condensed or modified version of the same story. So, they get the kids twice.
We all know Disney was into that kind of thing. But didja know that Hanna-Barbera wanted a piece of the action as well? And it was for a movie that they didn’t make famous. Starring the not-so-well-known cartoon characters Super Snooper and Blabbermouse.

These days, James Bomb is an online game, played at a number of virus-infected spam sites.

Crappy Album Covers #296 — Music to sell widgets by

These are both promotional records, not sold to the public. They are presented here as artifacts.

Mr. Magoo, a cartoon character created in 1949, but was viewed in short cartoon TV animations well into the 1970s, is seen here shilling for lightbulbs.

For those of you who don’t understand the character, Magoo is a wealthy retiree voiced by Jim Backus (who was seen on Gilligan’s Island as “The Millionaire”). Magoo suffers from nearsightedness which he never admits to, and gets into ridiculous situations, such as thinking a saw is a bow.

This one is a duller cover, even less worthy of comment. It is a record paid for by Allied Van Lines.

I have no idea as to when either of these records came out, and no info seems to exist on the ‘net.

Crappy album Covers #294 — Agents need love, too

Over at The Matrix, these four agents spend their time masquerading as a singing group when they’re not reporting back to The Man. But cyborgs have needs too.

Yes, like the rest of us, they need female companionship. They found to their disappointment that pencil-neckties, pocket protectors,  and horn-rimmed glasses will only get you so far in this world.

But not just female companionship. Cyborgs also might express an interest in raising a family, seeing their little cyborgs go to school, playing catch with their little son and daughter agents-to-be, and maybe even go to a movie as a cyborg family once in a while.

And here is the answer to their prayers: four ladies for four guys. Female agents are deceptively heavy (as are sentinel men), and have to be delivered by crane. Four beautiful cyborg women for them to settle down with and have a family.

There is no information on The Shows Brothers, except that they appear to be still making albums; and Kentucky-born Jonah Jones (1909-2000) was a Jazz trumpeter who made it into The Jazz and Big Band Hall of Fame a year before he died at age 91. During his tenure, Jones performed with the likes of Cab Calloway and Benny Carter. He would lead his own band after 1950.

Crappy Album Covers #293 — Female American Indians on Vinyl

This 1967 album by Buffy Sainte-Marie is her fourth, and has one hit, “The Circle Game” in it, which waited around for three years before charting at #76 in 1970.

Not having a bad voice as an excuse (compared with Dylan, etc), it still seems that most of her hit songs, most notably “Until It’s Time For You To Go”, were covered as bigger hits by other artists.  Other examples: “Universal Soldier” (was a hit by Donovan); and who can forget “Up Where We Belong” (Joe Cocker/ Jennifer Warnes)? Ironically, “The Circle Game” is not hers. That one was a Joni Mitchell cover. It is interesting to note that both Joni Mitchell and Buffy Sainte-Marie were born in Saskatchewan: Joni in Saskatoon, and Buffy in a Cree reserve in the Qu’Appelle Valley.

She has, as recently as 2008, claimed that Lyndon Johnson was instrumental in suppressing Native American music on the airwaves, but also in helping to suppress protest music generally. An interview of this was published 2 years earlier by American Indian Today.

Lottie Adams is less well-known, and should know better than to have caved into the latest (as of the 70s) pop-psych lingo to let the world know she is somehow in touch with herself. It is likely un-necessary in her case, but little or no straight info is available on Lottie or this record as far as I can see, so we won’t know for sure.

Crappy Album Covers #292 — The SJ Blind Dating Service IV

Hi, my name is Bill Haymes, I like singing and songwriting and the educational challenge of getting children to write “adult contemporary” songs. I like nature, camping, riding down dirt roads in a VW Microbus.

Looking for a woman who will tour with me, likes nature as much as I do, and is willing to have America’s first family on the road.

My name is Virginia Belmont. I run a bird store and kennel in Manhattan, under the Rockefeller Centre, near the subway station. After decades of running this store and selling birds and dogs, I have finally had enough of the noise and racket, and I just want to run away. Anywhere but here.

I am also tired of the bar scene and I am seeking a man who is willing to run away with me, for a long-term committment.

Crappy Album Covers #291 — The SJ Blind Dating Service III

Hi. I’m Richard du Bois, I was born in The Bronx, I won Mr. America in 1954, Mr. Universe in 1955, and Mr. USA in 1957. I boinked dated Mae West, but got dumped for another guy who had a bigger pistol in his pocket. I made this record at a speech of the Full Gospel Businessman’s Fellowship, and they were all praying to be like me.

Seeking a female who agrees with me that I’m hot.

Hello. Hello? I thought the room was empty. Well, I think Dick Dubois is hot. Hi, Dickie-kins!

My name is Lu Lu, and my interests are singing country and western, and when I’n not singing, I just like to sit in front of the TV or read a trashy romance novel while eating a whole jar of cream puffs. OK, I confess, … two jars.

One of my quirks is that I order hairspray by the case, and have more cases on back order for the next 10 years. I don’t know if I wear my hair or my hair wears me!

Crappy Album Covers #290 — Armageddon and Doom Revisited

Not much information exists on Mr. Luke Hollandsworth and this absolutely prophetic album.  It is obvious that it is butt-ugly, and probably handed out to parishoners after one of his sermons.
I am not sure if The Baptist Standard is the same as this Baptist Standard, which now has a web edition. But Bobby Mankin is from Houston, and this 1968 album, “Doomed by Dope”, all kidding aside, tells quite a powerful story about involvement with drugs, pushers, and the law. And of course, his conversion to Christianity afterward.

[Video] Rednecks and Rappers

I deleted a post from a couple of years ago regarding the creepy similarities between rednecks and rappers. They both wear their baseball caps backwards, they both sport plumber-butt pants, both have a taste for garish vehicles, they both carry guns, and they are both suspicious and fearful of authority and of outsiders.

It is also true that white people most commonly identify themselves as redneck (most with considerable pride), while rappers are predominantly black and also identify themselves as part of that “Hip-Hop” movement with considerable pride.

And they totally hate each other:

Now, isn’t it amazing that two groups of people that are so much alike but for their skin color and their connection to trailer parks, should feel so alienated and apart that they get suspicious and hateful of the mere mention of one or the other where to buy viagra online discount group.

It is time to stop this madness. Now is the time to shake hands and make up. End the silly rivalry between you, and come together to celebrate your similarities, your sameness. You breathe the same air, drink the same water, live on the same small planet, and live in similar levels of poverty.

Here are videos of some rednecks who are willing to bridge the gap between them and their darker-skinned brethren by singing rap tunes:

Ralph the Redneck Rapper advertises his talents on YouTube:

A rap tune about a proud redneck:
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I think this next redneck rapper should only be encountered in broad daylight, and then only after he has had his meds:

And now for the finale, “Free” by Mikel Knight, complete with hoes and cowboy hats:

(Video) Miraculously Good Luck/Bad Luck (La Chance 2)

I haven’t posted anything related to this since last year. These videos just fascinate me. I can’t get enough. More to come later.

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