The Bed Intruder Song

In case you missed it, this song by The Gregory Brothers is based on a real news report from July 2010. This song apparently made the Billboard Hot 100 at #89, driven exclusively by iTunes downloads alone. The news report shows Antoine Dodson as a hero who has saved his sister from a rapist attack.

While the making of this video may seem to exploit the hardships of people living in “The Projects”, this is mitigated by the fact that The Gregory Brothers are donating 50% of the royalties to the Dodson family.

The report begins with Huntsville, Alabama native Antoine Dodson speaking to a reporter, the music cuts in, and his actual speech is set to music through a software called “Auto Tune”.

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Crappy Album Covers #143 — Guys who only want to be your friend

Album_Cover_Crap_205_bloodhound_gang_-_Hefty_Fine_-_vinylhaven_com This is the album cover from The Bloodhound Gang’s last album as far as I can tell, their 2005 offering called “Hefty Fine”.

The album cover has the much-wanted “Explicit Lyrics-Parental Advisory” sticker on the cover. Translated, that means: Kiddies, this is a way cool record! That other stuff without the sticker is garbage! Buy this one!

The nude guy on the cover is part of a program thought up by executives at Geffen Records to attract girls to begin buying rap records. Nude chicks on rap albums had been a staple for too long, and it is unknown whether girls who bought this album pinned up this picture on their bedroom walls. Nevertheless, it did peak at #24, and they haven’t released another album since.

Album_Cover_Crap_210_-_static_guim_co_uk After Prince was dragged into the police station back in 1979 for wearing high heels that clashed with his leg warmers (oh yeah, this was the *fashion* police), a photo of his mug was taken so that you didn’t have to see him in a bikini brief. He copied it from their hard disk on to a floppy, photoshopped it, and it became the cover of his second album, self-titled.This is Prince just before the pinnacle of his career, while still under the watchful eye of Warner Brothers. After ending his association with WB, he began his love affair with himself releasing triple albums of his work, the latest effort being a triple package called “LOtUSFLOW3R” released just this year. Wikipedia has claimed that it peaked at #2 on the Top 200. It had peaked at #1 on both the Hip Hop and Independent charts, and is currently still charting. However, it is no longer on the Top 200.

Crappy Album Covers #126 — Four Guys on a Cover

Album_Cover_Crap_187_Flickr Here is the first of the cliche “Four guys on an album cover”. I first misread the title as “Jack not again”, but saw that the “n” had a tail like the way some people cursively write their lowercase p’s.

So, the album set in what is likely the early 70s, is “Jackpot Again”. I have little information on this unconvincing-looking Beatlesque foursome.

Album_Cover_Crap_183_Flickr … But the Delltones show them that they can look unconvincing no matter what the clothing.

The Delltones actually have five members in their 2009 lineup, with fellow Queenslanders Woody Finlayson, Danny Mayers, Merv Dick, Ian “Peewee” Wilson, and Owen Booth.

They have kept a following since 1958, and still perform in gigs in Australia. Peewee Wilson appears to be the only enduring member.

Crappy Album Covers #121 — Phallic Symbols III

Album_Cover_Crap_178_Flickr Whirlwind Heat formed 12 years ago in Grand Rapids, Michgan, and continue to make recordings of their own unique brand of alternative music.

For their 2006 offering, their second full-length album, they find that this young lady closes her eyes when she licks her wood. Or maybe she was told to. You never know with these photographers.

Album_Cover_Crap_175_Flickr This is another woman who likes to close her eyes. There is also something that appears to be smoke rising from the banana. Or steam.

I have no information on the group Bananas or their recording “Get it & Come” “Come & Get It”. It’s probably a rock album. Most rock albums have something to do with the sex act or with getting laid in general, don’t they?

Crappy album Covers #120 — Plastic Surgery Disasters

Album_Cover_Crap_177_Flickr Just before work ended, there was this explosion at the Red Rubber Coating factory, and this poor fella couldn’t escape in time.¬† This is Tripping Daisy’s 1995 offering, called “I Am An Elastic Firecracker.”

What seems a little more worrisome is the skin tone of the fellow underneath the read paint.

Album_Cover_Crap_176_Flickr This is the 1991 single from Aphex Twin, called Window Licker. Aphex Twin is the brainchild of Richard James, a Welsh artist who has been making records since 1991.

My experience with AT is that there is not much about them that is danceable, but this one has its moments. The video generally centers around the theme of picking up whores in some undisclosed location.

I couldn’t understand the first part of the video. It seems that for about the first 2-3 minutes the dilogue is it safe to buy viagra online yahoo answers cosnsisted of two coloured guys in a car repeating the word motherf***er over and over with a few extra words thrown in to make it sound like they were speaking English to each other. When the prostitutes were encountered, the words varied a little more, but the hoes saw through them, and didn’t believe that they had any money.

The tranny groove on this single comes from something that happens part way thru the video where the second customer, who is of the sort that drives a stretch limo with a bazillion windows (namely, our hero Richard), gets out of the car and starts some kind of a mating dance requiring a suggestive use of an umbrella. That’s when the prostitutes start growing beards, and looking like Richard. Creepy.

Crappy Album Covers #30 — RAP! ZAP! POW! BOOM!

With Just-Ice’s 1986 album “Back to the Old School”, we now see who the initial artistic influence was behind the designing of the album covers for the Putumayo collection. All a cover artist would need to do is remove the graffiti and a few of the logos, put smiles on everyone’s faces, and you now have the basic artistic elements for a sterilized, dumbed-down Putumayo album cover. Re-title it something like “Putumayo goes to The Bronx”, and the joke is perfect.

First released in 1986 and re-released in 2005, this CD has been the artistic force behind what is, in the album’s contents, a major influential work in the history of hip-hop music. It is said that by today’s standards, the music is a bit tame, but it wasn’t tame in its day. It’s just that, yeah, the cover could have used some work.

Ode to Devastatin’ Dave by Strider

I give my all for my fans
across the entire nation
From my glasses to my pants
which cut my circulation.
My mullet and my ‘stache
are the marks of a white rapper
Who has to sell more
or my career goes down the crapper.

“Zip Zap Rap”
in the colours of my desk jet
CMYK
are the colours you obey! Sucka!

You know, if it were not for people like Devastatin’ Dave The Turntable Slave (who, by the way, looks like a dead ringer for Weird Al), there would be no fun in making these entries. Look at the color scheme. Yes, they really are the four basic inkjet colours: cyan, magenta, yellow and black. I would suppose that these must be the colours most recognised and feared by the peeps in his ‘hood!

Crappy Album Covers #29 — More Celebrities

This is a curious album, since Jimmy Carter is talked about, and does not appear on this 1977 album.

Preview Records is a company that keeps track of the history and lore of the song-poem industry. It is not known which company put this out, but it seems to be MSR Records of Hollywood (now defunct).

The song-poem industry is borne of all those tabloid ads you might have seen in the back pages among all those other word ads which Preview aptly refers to as “the human misery ghetto”. They are quite frank in their description of this industry. To quote spokesperson and historian Phil Milstein:

Song-poem music is a scam in which innocent people are deceived into paying to have a poem or song lyric they’ve written set to a tune and recorded. Although the song-poem company suggests in its promotional literature that it will support the finished recording, and that it therefore has a chance to become a smash hit, in reality once the record is completed and returned to the customer it is quickly forgotten about, in favor of the location and seduction of new victims.

Song-poem companies profit by doing volume business, and so must create a literal factory of music, with the songs being shuttled from melody-writing to fabrication on an assembly-line basis. It is the aesthetic clashes between the work of the amateur and often graceless lyricists and that of the professional studio personnel forced to work too hastily that sparks song-poem music’s unique pleasures. The genre has a long and colorful history, much of which is imparted throughout this website.

It turns out that in 1998, Jimmy Carter was in the studio of Boston’s NPR radio station WBUR-FM when the DJ played a song off of this album and piped the off-air feed into the studio Carter was sitting in. He reportedly liked the song, but said he had never heard it before.

Well, that is all the goofy “Democrat” covers I could find. If you have any suggestions, please send them along.

Now, to be fair, to be utterly fair and on the level … this John Wayne album cover doesn’t really qualify as crappy. Look at the depiction: Confederate-era hat, American flag, cowboy clothes. This is not crappy, because this is exactly what we expect to see from John Wayne.

It is with the same attitude that I refuse to spotlight almost all heavy metal album covers. There are just some albums that we expect will suck, and the fact that they suck is the very thing that makes people buy them.

I would rather that the tastelessness be un-intended, and the artists be serious and earnest. That, my friends, is a formula for disaster.

This disaster is a case in point.

In recent years (that is, some time since the 90s), I recall Kreskin offering a reward of 10,000 dollars to anyone who can prove the existence of a subconscious. The subconscious, it is thought, should be revealed by hypnosis. Kreskin swore up and down that all that was utter hogwash. Yet, here is a depiction of Kreskin supposedly putting the person in front of him under a hypnotic trance. And what does hypnosis have to do with ESP?

Known to his parents as George Joseph Kresge, Jr., The Amazing Kreskin  maintains his own blog and sells DVDs and other stuff. The website seems to keep the kitch factor to a minimum, to his credit.

Crappy Album Covers #28 — Bad Ideas

Here, the glam rock group Nelson provides the musical answer to the riddle “why do dogs lick themselves?”

Members Matthew and Gunnar, the twin sons of Ricky Nelson — who, in turn was the son of Ozzy and Harriet Nelson, have the distinction of belonging to a family that has had #1 hits in each of these three successive generations. This seems important enough to mention in the Guiness Book of Records, since they are the only family to have accomplished this.

This second album, “Because they Can”, released in 1995, five years after their first album, did not produce a #1 hit, and Geffen stopped promoting them.

Erotic Terrorism is the 1998 album produced by the British hip-hop group Fun-Da-Mental.

They have released seven albums since their inception in 1995. This album is their third, and the latest was “All Is War”, released in 2006.

I may be a little slow on the uptake here, but I can’t for the life of me figure out how depictions of violence and anger can serve the cause of peace. These can you buy generic viagra over the counter, where, what is product name people are purportedly against violence. Their website even has a “dollar ticker” representing the cost of the Iraq war. But it is just my word against a whole hip-hop/gangsta rap culture. To me, it just looks like immature and hypocritical grandstanding. Sorry, I simply don’t get it.

As for the terrorist angle, guns are now considered a relic of the 20th century. Nowadays if you are not a suicide bomber, all you need is an exacto blade and maybe other sharp office equipment, board a plane and hijack it! I saw that on TV back in 2001.

On a lighter note, there is no information on Foster Edwards, his orchestra, or his album which dates around 1966.

But it must have been a low-budget affair, since the band members worked for peanuts (now, you knew that one was coming).

They would even wear Beatle wigs to appear trendy to mid-60s fashions.