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Crappy Album Covers #308 — Sexually Preoccupied

This is another compilation from that seminal CAC factory, TOPS, where we have had so many of our album covers come from. This 1959 album features the vocal stylings of Cesar Romero and Mel Torme, among several other artists.

TOPS records sold mostly cheap cover versions of their records in drug stores, department stores, […]

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Crappy Album Covers #307 — So Rockin’ it Hurts

This is a 1958 compilation on the “Waldorf Music Hall” record label, and was part of a series of cover tunes done by “middle calibre” acts of the time. This album featured The Ink Spots and Vincent Lopez. Congo Mambo Mando & the Chili Peppers “On the Road With Rock and Roll”. Year unknown […]

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Crappy Album Covers #306 — Run Toward the Bore

Tamara Faye LaValley (1942-2007), known to us adoring admirers as The Zealot Formerly Known As Tammy Faye Baaker (and later the zealot known as Tammy Faye Messner) had no hope growing up. She was the eldest of eight kids in a family where both parents were Pentacostal preachers, so adherence to Christianity was de […]

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Crappy Album Covers #305 — Some guys know what to do with their trumpets, while …

Don “Jake” Jacoby (1920-1992) was a session musician for NBC and CBS, and also played solo at Carnegie Hall. He was also apparently for hire for building demolition contracts. Less risky than using dynamite, he would honk out a note that would cause a resonant reinforcement with the building, and down it comes! Ernie […]

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Crappy Album Covers #304 — A Man’s Man

Widely recognized in the “so bad it’s good” category of performing, they are still discussed in many Spanish-speaking blogs, not always in the most endearing of terms. The album Vamos a la playa (Spanish for “Go to the Beach”)  is also a staple in the Crappy Album Blogosphere.

Very little straight dope exists about […]

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Crappy Album Covers #303 — The Other Woman

I saw Judy in the distance, giving me the eye. I knew this was no ordianry attraction. But after our one-night stand, I went home to my wife Bobbi, explained to her that I had a sale to do out of town, and had to spend the night at a motel, and she didn’t […]

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Crappy Album Covers #302 — From Ghetto to Pulpit to Outer Space

Whether a ghetto gangleader or a fundamentalist preacher, isn’t Rick Ingle always the leader of something? Rick Ingle is still going strong, with his own website, and First Baptist Church in Denton, Texas. Yes. Lafayette Ronald Hubbard (1911-1986). Science fiction writer. Psychotherapist, practitioner of Dianetics. Founder of the Church of Scientology. And now, Jazz […]

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Crappy Album Covers #301 — Pope Banjoboy I

Tell me something: when you look at this album cover, do you think: “Dixieland”? It may be a depiction of someone’s acid-induced hallucination of Dixieland, but the contents of this 1959 LP consist mainly of Dixieland standards such as “Clementine” and “Oh Suzanna”. The Celestial Monochord offers a psychoanalysis of the album cover.

The […]

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Crappy Album Covers #300 — Fitness Revisited

If your kids are not jumping rope or playing ball, they will grow up to be one of those Internet chat room perverts, and this record isn’t going to help.

Note to parents: buy your kids an actual ball or jump rope instead of a record album which discusses it. On the other hand, […]

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Crappy Album Covers #299 — The Return of Self-help for the Helpless

One way to reinforce good behaviour in the young is to play them a record about manners. The cartoon drawings likely depict events and situations in the recording.

Am I the only one that sees striking resemblances between the kids on this album cover and Peanuts characters? This is something I have a problem […]

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Crappy Album Covers #298 — Do you like circuses?

Another promo from Texaco, you can see the guy has pulled over in his automobile, presumably, to put a tiger in his tank. But hey, isn’t that the slogan from Esso?

The LP has mostly Latin dance tunes, and has recently been re-released on CD. The “con Texaco saco Mas” was replaced simply by […]

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Crappy Album Covers #297 — For the kiddies

Oh, they heard of marketing in the 60s. Back then, kids went to the theatre to see Herbie the Love Bug, laugh at Buddy Hackett’s antics, then they were sold a record that tells a condensed or modified version of the same story. So, they get the kids twice. We all know Disney was […]

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Crappy Album Covers #296 — Music to sell widgets by

These are both promotional records, not sold to the public. They are presented here as artifacts.

Mr. Magoo, a cartoon character created in 1949, but was viewed in short cartoon TV animations well into the 1970s, is seen here shilling for lightbulbs.

For those of you who don’t understand the character, Magoo is a […]

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Crappy Album Covers #295 — A Fink Fixation

There have been many electrons spilled recently (I can’t say “much ink spilled”, this being the Internet) over a certain kind of woman who seem to always fall in love with jerks, then they meet a nice guy who they tell their problems to, they become friends, then she dates the jerk again, leaving […]

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Crappy album Covers #294 — Agents need love, too

Over at The Matrix, these four agents spend their time masquerading as a singing group when they’re not reporting back to The Man. But cyborgs have needs too.

Yes, like the rest of us, they need female companionship. They found to their disappointment that pencil-neckties, pocket protectors, and horn-rimmed glasses will only get you […]

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Crappy Album Covers #293 — Female American Indians on Vinyl

This 1967 album by Buffy Sainte-Marie is her fourth, and has one hit, “The Circle Game” in it, which waited around for three years before charting at #76 in 1970.

Not having a bad voice as an excuse (compared with Dylan, etc), it still seems that most of her hit songs, most notably “Until […]

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Crappy Album Covers #292 — The SJ Blind Dating Service IV

Hi, my name is Bill Haymes, I like singing and songwriting and the educational challenge of getting children to write “adult contemporary” songs. I like nature, camping, riding down dirt roads in a VW Microbus.

Looking for a woman who will tour with me, likes nature as much as I do, and is willing […]

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Crappy Album Covers #291 — The SJ Blind Dating Service III

Hi. I’m Richard du Bois, I was born in The Bronx, I won Mr. America in 1954, Mr. Universe in 1955, and Mr. USA in 1957. I boinked dated Mae West, but got dumped for another guy who had a bigger pistol in his pocket. I made this record at a speech of the […]

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Crappy Album Covers #290 — Armageddon and Doom Revisited

Not much information exists on Mr. Luke Hollandsworth and this absolutely prophetic album. It is obvious that it is butt-ugly, and probably handed out to parishoners after one of his sermons. I am not sure if The Baptist Standard is the same as this Baptist Standard, which now has a web edition. But Bobby […]

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Crappy Album Covers #279 — Disco Lotion

1977 was the height of the disco invasion. And I say “invasion” rather than “revolution”, because at least revolutions are welcome in some homes.

Rod McKuen’s Disco parody “Slide Easy In … Disco” has been described as a “gay porn version of Grease”. The hit single “Amor” never made it in North America, but […]

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