Crappy Album Covers #283 – OMG! Rockers!

The only thing remarkable I found about this 1978 album cover is that Jim Hearn was probably one of the first guys in his native Northern California to wear Nike sneakers.

Back in the day, you can see that you can still dial a telephone, and for most televisions, changing the channel meant that you needed to go up to the television and flick through the stations manually.

I have seen this album sell on eBay in foreign buy tramadol online usa countries for around AUS$42 with shipping (that’s approx. CDN$38).

This 1980 offering by Jack Miller is not remembered by too many people, and some real digging had to be done even to find out the year of publication. I also know that he had been working as late as 2004 on various efforts. Don’t know what they are.

Rockers are rising, and guess what? They’re smokers! So, it’s OK, they’ll fall down pretty soon too.

Crappy Album Covers #282 – Mugs don’t work if that’s all you have

You are now witness to the reason why that just because a photo looks OK on a mantlepiece, it is not necessarily useful on an album cover. Especially if it is also void of a title. But I am keen to guess.

If I am not mistaken, this is Germany-born Jazz pianist John Berger. And since the name of the album is not on the photo, I will hazard a guess that it is the first album he recorded in 1966 when emigrating to New York on the ESP label. It is apparently not among his exemplary work.

Berger had a Ph. D in musicology, and had taught music alongside colleagues Jack DeJohnette, Sam Rivers, and Anthony Braxton.

Lately, he has lent his talents to studio work with The Cardigans, Natalie Marchant, and Jeff Buckley.

Don Ho sidekick Iva Kinimaka sings with his self-titled (and apparently self-drawn) 1972 album full of Hawaiian standards and a couple of stand-outs, such as “Country Feeling” and “Mockingbird Hill” (a 1951 song popularized by Patti Page). He is a frequent guest on the local Hawaiian talk show Nighttime with Andy Bumatai. A video appears below.

Here is Iva Kinimaka, featured on the Hawaiian talk show Nighttime with Andy Bumatai (March 3, 2008):

Crappy Album Covers #281 – Sergant Pepper Ripoffs

Top of the list is this copycat album “Their Satanic Majesty’s Request”, released in 1967, the same year as Sgt. Pepper.

The “everything but the kitchen sink” album design concept only works once, folks, then it wears off. I don’t mean once in a musician’s career, I mean once in the history of music. The music inside Satanic required them to deviate from their R&B roots just this once, then to never travel down this path again in subsequent albums.

The Stones know what their artistic strengths are, and they do it better than anybody, and haven’t lost a dollar doing it, either. It is best that they stick to what they know.

Peter Knight (1917-1985) was an English composer and conductor. His performances appeared on ITV’s “Spot The Tune”, and his was the orchestra that performed on The Carpenter’s “Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft.” He and his orchestra also lent their talents to backing up The Moody Blues on some of their albums.

Crappy Album Covers #280 – A Sampling of Redd Foxx Covers

Redd Foxx’s real name is John Elroy Sanford (1922-1991), closer to his stage name he used in the 70s sitcom Sanford & Son, co-starring Demond Wilson. He was teenage friends with Malcolm Little (you may know Malcolm Little as Malcolm X) while growing up in St. Louis, Missouri and after dropping out of high school in the early 1940s.

Malcolm X referred to Redd in his autobiography as “Chicago Red, the funniest dishwasher on Earth.” “Red” was in reference to his reddish hair and complexion, and the rest in reference to the fact that he held a number of odd jobs, including a plumber, while auditioning for a career in acting.

He found his way into stand-up comedy, and was likely to be the first black comic to play the Las Vegas Sunset Strip, and many of these stand-up acts made their way into albums such as these shown in this post.

By the standards of the 1950s to 1970s, his brand of humor was considered racy, but nothing on the scale of comedians in the decades since.

The “Foxx” part of his stage name came from baseball player Jimmie Foxx.

Redd Foxx has released 54 albums of his comedy, according to Wikipedia.

Crappy Album Covers #272 — Lone Ranger References

I’ve heard it all since my childhood… The Lone Drycleaner, and others. But here is “Metal Rap” from a group called Lone Rager, released no later than 1984.

This is metal, so while it goes against my no-metal policy, it is not a shocking cover as you can see … Just stupid.

A Lone Rager vid appears below.

And here is the Lone Arranger. This 1980 LP by Ernest Gusella must have been where Russell buy tramadol online overnight delivery Oliver got his ideas from (see video below).

The 10 tracks of experimental/Jazz music have titles such as “Body Art Disco”, and “Pissin’ in the Snow”. You might want to play this on your second date at the very earliest.

Here is Metal RAPsody by Lone Rager:

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Ta da!!! Here is Russell Oliver, the Lone Arranger:

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And here is an Air Farce satire on Russell Oliver:

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Crappy Album Covers #266 — My Hero!

This is a 1976 LP of a two-part episode of Dr. Who, called “Doctor Who and the Pescatons”.

Look! A fish with muscular arms and clawed hands! Are you scared? I’m scared. God, am I scared!

What else is in the picture? Castle with clock tower on the shoreline; fishy monster guy jumps out of the water with a swipe of its clawed hand, whilst Dr. Who (played by Tom Baker) and Sarah Jane Smith (played by Elisabeth Sladen) are running away … well, they don’t exactly look like they’re running … and the fishy monster thing is between them and dry land … and they don’t even look all that wet, … and the expression on their faces is less that of fear and terror and more like indigestion and boredom. I get it! The indigestion is from the fish sticks they ate earlier. The fishy monster thing is actually the mother of whatever fish went in those fish sticks! Now the pieces come together. It takes time, sometimes…

The next CAC contribution comes from a native of Antigua and Barbuda, whose name is Paul Richards. His stage name is King Obstinate, and the music is calypso. I now feel relieved, since he looks like he was going to give us one of them high-spirited Bible readings.

You have to be pretty obstinate to belong to a Commonwealth nation while wearing a French fleur-de-lys on your costume. From 1632 until its independence in 1981, it was a British colony, with a one-year interruption in 1666 when it became French. Was it really that big a deal in history?

King Obstinate:

Crappy Album Covers #265 — Marketeers of Unknown Elpees

On my blog, I think it has become obvious that when I say “marketeers”, it seems to always relate to depictions of nude or semi-nude women.

I am unclear as to how having a digital chastity, uh, panty, would illustrate the cover of an album entitled “Sophisticated Funk”. But actually, isn’t this in line with how women work anyway? That you have to push the right buttons to gain access? Yes, this is the eternal problem men have to deal with in picking up chicks, I believe.

Champaign, Illinois native Jack McDuff (born Eugene McDuffy) (1926-2001) was a jazz musician who released at least 53 albums between 1960 and 2001.

Modellers of thong panties have a long history on album covers, and are only becoming relatively widespread with rap and hip-hop these days. But as you can see, this indeed does go back some decades.

But I think decades ago, it was only done either by heavy metal bands or by record companies with nothing racy in their music, so in a brazen attempt to attract public attention, they make a racy record cover. The reason you passed this up in your adolescence is that the cover told you booooooor-ing!, even though there was a hard-working marketer on the cover.

Crappy Album Covers #264 — Album covers depicting filthy sex

Little to no information links Johnny Houston with this LP. Allmusic.com has two listings on him; but no mention of this actual recording, “Makin Bacon” (no apostrophe).
I also have no idea about this one. I think I would have noticed a microphone that big before I started to engage in “the act”.

And also, it doesn’t look like much of a matress. I guess they needed just enough of a mattress to make a “Bedspring Symphony”. Now the last piece of the puzzle: is “Erotica” the band name or the title? But then you have to work “Mash Me, Baby” into it, so … uhhh … And wouldn’t it work better if the woman said “Mash me, baby”? Just askin’.

I think I can explain the portrait: guy and his wife go at it, but since the kids are in the living room (or so they believe), they do the act on the bed of their 10 year-old daughter (which explains why the bed is so small), only to find out that their 12 year-old son has hooked up a microphone underneath the bed and ran the wire to his room, where he has his headphones on and the reel-to-reel running, sitting in wide-eyed fascination as his first exposure to classical music is in the form of a symphony of the delicate bedsprings of a child’s bed creaking underneath two adult bodies.

Crappy Album Covers #263 — Answered and Un-answered questions

Timmie Rogers (? – 2007) had more class than Thaddaeus Monk. He wore a suit in his comedy performances, and also composed music for the likes of Nat King Cole and Sarah Vaughan. He had written for television’s Sanford and Son.The dream that was a comedy routine for black comedians in the 60s and 70s is now a reality. I would imagine that the irony would be lost on today’s generation.

Now for an un-answered question: “Should lesbians be allowed to play pro football?”, a 1973 LP comedy by New Yorker Joseph Roszawikz (1914-1982).

He was a talented comedian whose career extended to Vaudeville, whose resume includes movies include Love Bug, Hong Kong Phooey, and the series Love American Style.

WFMU’s Ralph Nesteroff seems to know more about the darker side of Ross than the general population. Discussed there are his 10-plus marriages, his abrasive demeanour, and his misogynistic treatment of the opposite sex. To hear his brand of comedy, he appears to come about his jokes honestly. He also has the ability to laugh at himself.

Here is a sample.

While the title is stated at the start of the routine, he never expands on it to my knowledge.

Crappy Album Covers #262 — My Babe Magnet

How to pick up chicks: Lesson 1: Tell her about your “wheels”, your “dream machine”, your “love bug”. The ladies often are attracted to a guy with a nice car, since it is a symbol of financial stability and a well-maintained car is a sign that you are conscientious, mature, and tend to take care of your belongings.This is the cover of the 1977 single, “A Real Mother For Ya” by Johnny “Guitar” Watson (1935-1996).  It’s a great funk album. E-Music calls it hip-hop (must have been a youngster that called it that). The title track can be heard below. Excellent tune. Click on the album cover to get the album from emusic.com.

He won a grammy in 1996, just before his death, and has left behind a musical style that had influenced the likes of Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughan. He died while performing a concert in Japan in May 1996, collapsing in the middle of a guitar solo.

“A Real Mother For Ya”:
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Surfer dudes The Lively Ones even have their own website. Jim Masoner, Tim Fitzpatrick, and Joel Willenbring still play the odd gig together in the SoCal area. The Lively Ones have been a 5-piece band since 1963, with two of the band members changing over the years. The link above tells all.

Crappy Album Covers #261 — Metal Annoyances

It’s one thing to steal a model of a skull from your high school biology lab, but it is quite another to go to auto shop at the other end of your high school, take a photo of a grinder, and then place the two images together in MS Paint. It has been discovered that the image is a fake album cover, and the mea culpas have come out.

Did you get it? Skull grind? Maybe Eric was being too subtle. Blogger Eric Meyer actually did this one in MS Paint while a student at the Universtiy of Minnesota when he should have been studying. Welcome to the CAC Blogosphere, Eric, where the other time wasters have been lurking!

No pertinent information exists on Wolf, or the artist (some guy named Arnold), except from blogs such as this one, who have already pointed out that the so-called “wolf” looks like a pointy-eared baboon with a trench coat, with vultures’ heads for fingers.

I cannot even speculate on the genre, year or country of origin.

Crappy Album Covers #260 — The End of the World

Get ready for the Armageddon Experience! Are you experienced?

Notice how tastefully they depict an impression of the end of the world. Notice the lettering, the flaming something-or-other that could just as well be oil soaked up on The Redneck Riviera, set in flame.

The United Nations Press?! You couldn’t possibly be talking about this press?

If you have an “endgame” scenario worth discussing, is it really necessary to disguise your message in the cloak of another publication?

Crappy Album Covers #259 — Recordings of Enigmatic Individuals

Lee Harvey Oswald is one of many that lived during the days of the Kennedy assassination. That is, one of many Lee Harvey Oswalds. So at any rate, who the heck knows if this is the real Oswald? Of course, one of these Oswalds were killed days after the assassination by Jack Ruby. The Oswald, whom they refer to as the “lone nut”. I suspect that this is the Oswald the album claims to deal with.

It is hard to say if this LP made it as a “hit” record, even a short 3 years after the assassination in Dealy Plaza in Dallas.

Civil Rights activist. Co-founder of the Black Panthers. Author of the book “Barbecueing with Bobby”. Spokesperson for Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream. This is the enigma that is Bobby Seale.

This LP likely deals with the 1968 Democratic convention in Chicago. You see, Lyndon Johnson announced that he had enough of trying to fit into JFK’s shoes, and would not seek a second term. That meant that the democrats had to hold a convention to see who would lead. It was slim pickin’s, what with brother RFK assassinated also.

So what unity did the Democrats have after the Tet Offensive and the assassination of Rev. Martin Luther King? Not much. You got Hubert Humphrey, Eugene McCarthy, George McGovern, and Edwin Muskie. None of these people were a match for the opponent, Richard Nixon, who led a united Republican party to win the Presidential election.

The 1968 Democratic Convention in Chicago was held in what has been described as a Potemkin-style setting, in a building with bulletproofed walls, and chain-linked fences topped by concertina wire surrounding the perimeter. Demonstrators, ranging from moderate to radical, who had a myriad of special causes, but with Tet and Martin Luther King fresh in their minds, had what was intended as a peaceful demonstration, but which ended up as being violent. It has been widely accepted that the Chicago Police and the Illinois National guard were the instigators, and even journalists were getting beaten up. Among the roughed-up journalists were Dan Rather, and Mike Wallace.

Among the arrested, tried and jailed were members of what became known as The Chicago Eight, a loosely-connected bunch whose most prominent members included Bobby Seale, Abbie Hoffman, and Jerry Rubin. The latter two were founders of the “Yippie” (YIP=Youth International Party) movement. Bobby Seale was not charged, although he was sentenced to 5 years for contempt of court, due to an outburst he had toward the presiding judge Julius Hoffman. The outburst was due to Seale being denied the attorney he wanted, and being denied the opportunity to represent himself. Seale was ordered bound, gagged, and chained to a chair for the remainder of the proceedings. Hence, the record cover. Because of the contempt of court charge, his trial was never heard, and the Chicago Eight became the Chicago Seven. The four-year sentence for contempt of court was one of the longest in the history of American jurisprudence for that charge.

Crappy Album Covers #258 — Georgy Porgy Puddn’ ‘n’ Pie

This is the one-hit wonder  for drummer and bandleader Rob Kuban and his In-Men, called Look Out for The Cheater, which reached #12 in 1966.

This song even made it to the Rock-And-Roll Hall of Fame’s permanent exhibit of one-hit wonders.

Kuban wasn’t the lead singer on this tune, however. That job was left for Walter Scott (1943-1983) who, in the greatest of all ironies, was murdered by James WIlliams, with the collusion of Walter’s wife JoAnn. James and JoAnn were married in 1986. The marriage must have been short-lived, however, as she got 5 years in prison, while James likely received life imprisonment.

Dick Lucas likes to live on the edge, doesn’t he? He meets a nice lady, they go out for some time, he jilts her, they break up, then he misses her and asks for her to come back.

Most songs which explore the tangled nature of love would say things like “take a chance on me”. This one is even more edgier, with the albumtitle being “Would You Take Another Chance on Me?”

The chick who is standing away from him is clearly weighing her options.

Here are The In-Men, with their only top-40 hit.

Crappy Album Covers #257 — The Gay Life

Playwright and church minister Al Carmine’s (1936-2005) 1973 “Off-off-Broadway” play “Faggot”, was a play which managed to encompass all facets of gay life. The play was likely a celebration of the declassification of homosexuallity as a mental illness, being the first-ever gay musical, and likely the first-ever gay musical, period. Homosexuality was declassified as a mental illness by fiat, by the APA in 1973, the same where can i buy viagra online? year as the play.

Historical gay characters featured in the play were Oscar Wilde, Gertrude Stein, Alice B. Toklas, and Catherine the Great.

George Kennedy’s 1967 spoken-word album “Homosexuality in The American Male” struggles with the “mental illness” paradigm of what we seem to accept today merely as a lifestyle choice.

A track can be heard here, courtesy of April Winchell:

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Crappy Album Covers #256 — Why some marketing efforts fail

This post shows that not all women are chosen to grace an album cover for their “prurient potential” “marketing” ability. I can’t possibly think that this album is serious. Must be a “metal parody” record of some kind, must be.

Shock jock and Arizonan native Dave Pratt have been recording goofy musical parodies for KUPD since he was 18. As you can see, he even displays his own logo. Twice. Is that really necessary?

What is it that makes this album crappy? La piece de la resistance of this record cover has to be the placement of the price tag for the record, which is no fault of the record cover designers. But it is pure genius. The icing on the cake. The only redeeming factor is that, clearly, the chick on this cover was not chosen for her salesmanship ability, thus winning accolades of those who prefer less commercialism. There is a single from this EP that also uses this same chick.

This is their first-ever album, an EP, really, released in 1995 by the band 12 Rounds. They have been releasing recordings sporadically as recently as 2009.

Crappy Album Covers #255 — Fascism’s Greatest Hits

A couple of posts ago, I gave a couple of CACs from what may be arguably called “the loony left”. To add balance, I thought I would remind you about the Loony Right.

These guys in the photo could well have the word “Ditto!” written on their heads.

I am the way to the city of woe.
I am the way to a foresaken people.
I am the way to eternal sorrow.
Sacred justice moved my architect.
I was raised here by divine omnipotence,
Primodial love and ultmmate intellect.
Only those elements time cannot wear
were made before me, and beyond time I stand.
Abandon all hope ye who enter here.

— Dante Alighieri, Inferno, Canto III
Inscription above the gate to Hell’s vestibule

Crappy Album Covers #254 — More Chix as Marketeers

I am not sure who decided to put “School’s Out” and “Tumbling Dice” alongside songs like “Song Sung Blue” and “Mary Had a Little Lamb”.

I would be very, very surprised if these songs were from the original artists.

Another token chick on the cover to act as the sales rep for this LP.

Not sure what country these are from (Netherlands? South Africa?), but we have another lovely saleslady here, with almost unrecogniseable songs (at least in North America). Supertramp’s “Give A Little Bit” seems to be there, but the other titles could be the titles of tons of tunes done by any number of artists.

The saleslady appears to be sitting in the deepest peat bog I’ve seen in a while. But hey, they say it’s good for your skin.

Crappy Album Covers #253 — Exploit me! Exploit me!

Coverbrowser.com (click on the graphic) has this “Squirt” LP all over its website.  Wouldn’t you? Here is an LP with little toy Mexican musicians, and a face of a pretty young lady next to the title “Squirt Does Its Thing”.

Now, before you get too heatedup over the pornographic possibilities of the photo and the title, “Squirt” is a lemon-flavoured soft drink that was popular in the late 1960s and early 1970s. This promotional LP is called a commercial “tie-in” with the product. Squirt is still popular in smaller markets, and currently owned by Dr Pepper/Snapple.

Sorry to deflate you. You can stop salivating now.

You can start salivating again. I hear that The Crazy Girls squirt, too.

Crappy Album Covers #252 — The Overthrow of the Proletariat

The Key record label, during the Red Scare, released a series of anti-Communist screeds such as this spoken-word LP. The Office Naps blog tells of other Key releases.

In really good condition, I have seen this LP listed for $78.00

And as for pro-Communist screeds, this one is in the form of song. This is an American release, but I know little else about it.

Trade unions closed the gap between rich and poor to a great extent. Today, this would be called “extreme left”. In its day, it was just “the left”.