I Can’t Get Behind “I Can’t Get Behind That”

I Can’t Get Behind That — William Shatner and Henry Rollins
Never charted anywhere

From the album “Has Been” (2004)

See/Hear it here, if you dare. You hear it, but you only can view muppets lip-syncing to the song. You can also get the mp3 and the rest of the album from EMusic. My understanding is that no muppets were hurt in the making of the video or the song. I don’t believe it, though.

What do you get when you place the former Captain of the Starship Enterprise in the same studio with a former frontman for the punk rock group Black Flag?

I don’t know, but whatever it is, I can’t get behind that!

We expect an embarrassing level of tackiness from the likes of Bill Shatner (anyone remember “Transformed Man”?), but no matter how much Henry Rollins and producer Ben Folds try to make this sound cool with manic music arrangements, the result is, well, a tax write-off for them both, because I am not sure of any other uses for it. Adrian Belew is on Guitar, Henry Rollins says in an interview. If anyone recalls, Belew made his name touring with Frank Zappa, then David Bowie, and afterward became a band member in the 1980s re-formation of King Crimson with Robert Fripp at the helm. But mostly you hear the manic percussion instruments, not much guitar. The percussion is something along the style of the Hawaii 5-0 theme.

I heartily agree with certain observations. For example, I believe also that there truly is no modern invention more futile than a leaf blower. And “futile” is an excellent word to describe leaf blowers.

As for some kind of overall rating, Shatner’s work must be rated with stars of a different galaxy, for I have none to offer.

I Can’t Get Behind That
William Shatner/Henry Rollins

BILL: Let’s go. Ready? From the top…
BILL: My favorite shows on TV have twelve minutes of advertising. I can’t get behind that kind of time!
ROLLINS: Eat quickly. Drive faster. Make more money now! I can’t get behind that.
BILL: My kids say: He said to me, and I’m like… and he’s like… and she’s like…
ROLLINS: It’s all… He’s all… She’s all…
BILL: I can’t get behind that kind of like, English!
BILL: That’ll be six to eight weeks before delivery.
ROLLINS: The rising oceans, the warming temperatures!
BILL: The dying polar bears–no, tigers–in fifty years!
ROLLINS: Rising poison in the air and water!
BILL: I can’t understand why the price of gas suddenly rises when oil goes up…
ROLLINS: …but takes months to go down long after oil falls!
BILL: I can’t get behind any of that!
BILL: I can’t get behind the Gods, who are more vengeful, angry, and dangerous if you don’t believe in them!
ROLLINS: Why can’t all these Gods just get along? I mean, they’re omnipotent and omnipresent, what’s the problem?
BILL: What’s the problem?
BILL: What about the men who say ‘Do as I do. Believe in what I say, for your own good, or I’ll kill you!’ I can’t get behind that!
ROLLINS: I can’t get behind that! Everybody knows everything about all of us!
BILL: That’s too much knowledge!
BOTH: I can’t get behind that!
BILL: Yeah! And what about student drivers using my streets to learn? If you learn to play the drums you got to go to a studio! Go to a parking lot, for God’s sake! Why are you jeopardizing my life? I can’t get behind a student driver!
ROLLINS: I can’t behind a driver who drives like a student driver! If you’re going to drive an urban assault vehicle then get off the phone and keep your eyes on the road!
ROLLINS: Lifetime guarantee?
BILL: Who’s lifetime? Not mine! I haven’t that much time left. Let’s make it yours. Everybody’s got a longer life than me!
BILL: The leaf blowers, is there anything more futile?
ROLLINS: Car alarms.
BILL: Clap off.
ROLLINS: Clap on.
BILL: Spam.
ROLLINS: Size matters.
BILL: No, it doesn’t!
ROLLINS: Yes, it does!
BILL: No, it doesn’t.
ROLLINS: Yes, it does!
BILL: No, it doesn’t!
ROLLINS: Yes, it does!
BILL: No, it doesn’t! No, it doesn’t!
ROLLINS: Yes, it does! Yes, it does!
BILL: My phone rings!
ROLLINS: Make millions in minutes!
BILL: It’s a computer!
ROLLINS: Lose inches in hours!
BILL: Leave me the Hell alone!
ROLLINS: Eat more! Spend less!
BILL: The Colonel is breakdancing! Give me a break!
ROLLINS: Credit terms raised!
BILL: I can’t get behind any of that!
BILL: I can’t get behind so-called singers that can’t carry a tune, get paid for talking, how easy is that? Well, maybe I could get behind that!
ROLLINS: Well, I can’t! If you have to fix it with a computer: quantized, pitch corrected, and overly inspected, then you can’t do it, and I can’t get behind that!
BILL: I–can’t–get behind–a fat ass!
ROLLINS: Yeah, Bill, can you turn around and do one more?
BILL: Always can do one more.
ROLLINS: Let’s hit it!

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