Crappy Album Covers #163 — Lacking a Certain "Je ne sais quoi"

Album_Cover_Crap_200_musicforants_com In a failed attempt to “Out-4AD” the album designs of other groups signed to that label, The Mountain Goats approved this supposedly muted-but-proggy album design. 

You place a cartoony stock image of a boxer painting on top of a splattery concrete background that the Cocteau Twins probably rejected, then place the album and band name somewhere on the cover, and ya gotchyerself a 4AD album all your own. Easy as pie.

Their 2006 album “Get Lonely” was their 15th to be released, but their fifth album on 4AD. It reached #193 on Billboard’s Top 200 that year.

Album_Cover_Crap_202_uncoached_com There is little information on Rulli Rendo’s Orchestra and Chorus. But for those interested, he has a very current website. He has been over 40 years in the music business, and has lived most of his life in Mexico. He currently is residing in Peru, his native country.

Visits: 178

Crappy Album Covers #162 — Tribal Suckiness

Album_Cover_Crap_201_musicforants_com This 2007 album by M. I. A. called “Kala”. It may have hit Billboard’s Hot 200 at #13, but the album by London-born Mathangi Arulpragasam won some kind of informal tastelessness award from crappy album cover blogs across the ‘net. 

Could it have something to do with the color scheme? Or how ’bout the four — count ’em — four negative shots of Ms Arulpragasam with that whatchamacallit on her head? Or could it be the Inca-like design theme for a cover from someone whose ethnicity is actually Sri Lankan? All of the above, I think.

Album_Cover_Crap_317_inspiredology_com Tongues are wagging across the crappy album blogosphere, as to whether the band name is “Tool” or “Fool”? The choice of font for their 2006 #1-charting and Platinum-selling album makes this challenging. 

The name of this California-based band is actually “Tool”. Their Grammy-award winning CD also has this ambiguous triablesque design. The number “10,000” has a distinct name in Greek, which tranlates to “myriad”. I have no idea if it connects with the album in any way.

The contents may be great, but the cover is awful and if anything it ends up emphasising a lack of any connection to anything tribal. As with both albums, any attempt to connect with anything of a tribal nature using bad art simply defeats its own object.

Visits: 82

(Adult Content) Crappy Album Covers #159 — Another rule: Male nudity doesn’t work as well

Album_Cover_Crap_319_Yes Men and women both buy records. With this idea in mind, I have no idea why it is that female nudity sells even the crappiest records, while male nudity doesn’t. I am not a marketing psychologist, so I have no idea why that is. Yes’s 1977 album “Going for the One”, which sold certified Gold, depicts a naked man in front of L. A.’s Century Plaza Towers. The towers are surreal and distorted, and it has all of these dotted and solid lines that make little sense. Chalk one up for the overly self-indulgent side of prog rock. Despite the album cover’s tastelessness, the album’s contents are considered among Yes’s finest work, and marks the first of many times Rick Wakeman had returned to the group.

This recording has been reissued in 2003 by Rhino Records with a large number of added tracks.

Album_Cover_Crap_276_rateyourmusic_com This 1994 EP, released by Unrest on Teenbeat Records before the time they were signed to the 4AD label, also shows why male nudity is just, well, … limp.

Unrest has had dozens of releases of original work as well as compilations. They started in 1982 in Washington, DC.

 

Visits: 174

Crappy Album Covers #158 — Ladies of the low-rent district

Album_Cover_Crap_206_bad_hair_-_worstalbumcovers_org Harris Glenn Milstead (1945-1988) was a transvestite entertainer, whose live CD “Born to be Cheap” was issued posthumously in 1994. 

He died a week after the release of the movie Hairspray, which he acted in. He was going to audition for Fox’s Married with Children, but died of an enlarged heart before arriving. The people at Fox sent flowers, with a note wryly joking “If you didn’t want the job, all you had to say was ‘no'”. He counted Elton John and Whoopi Goldberg among his friends. They each sent a bouquet to the funeral.

There is a currently-released documentary called “I am Divine”, directed by Jeffery Scwhartz for Automat Pictures, which was released on July 30 of this year.

Album_Cover_Crap_209_-_wikipedia_org Intending to look loud and attention-getting, but ending up looking like a picked-through remaindered album at Wal-Mart, the reality is that this album never even made it to North America, except as an Import, since back in 1999, they no longer had a North American distributor. 

The Swedish duo Roxette, consisting of Per Gessle and Marie Fredriksson, enjoyed worldwide success in the decade from the mid 80s to the mid-90s, releasing about 8 albums during that period. “It Must Have Been Love” gave me one of my nicer memories of 80s music, and was re-used in the soundtrack to the film “Pretty Woman”.

Visits: 101

Crappy Album Covers #157 — Full-cover faces

Album_Cover_Crap_305_minnesta_public_radio_org Paul Simon’s 2006 album “Surprise” has a baby’s face with the requisite surprised expression. Probably surprise at having the top of its head cut off by the upper photo, which is a depiction of some kind of bluey-watery-reflection thingy. Who knows what that’s supposed to convey? Hydrocephalism? 

The album boasts participation from big talents such as Brian Eno and Herbie Hancock.

Album_Cover_Crap_277_rateyourmusic_com This 1981 album from former Genesis member Phil Collins was the first of a line of albums which alienated prog rock audiences and attracted more general audiences to his music. Thing is, these facial close-ups, at least for me, usually make everything about the album seem too melodramatic. 

In this album, we get the much-overplayed “In the Air Tonight”. In later years we would be inundated with a string of equally overplayed hits, including the irritatingly successful “Sussudio”.

All I can say about Sussudio is what I remember reading, I think in a National Lampoon comic (of the single-frame variety) back in the 80’s. It depicted an angry guy knocking on an apartment door with a loaded rifle in his hand. He yells: “Sussudio all day long! Sussudio all night long! You want Sussudio? I give you some goddamn Sussudio!”

That comic writer knows my pain.

Visits: 79

Crappy Album Covers #156 — Sounding Off

Album_Cover_Crap_252_blogspot_com Post-grunge group Caramel’s only album sports an angry cactus with bad teeth. There is a fable in this one, consisting of a “good” witch who cast some evildoer into the body of a cactus where the town lives happily ever after, but I am not sure that is what was intended.Allmusic.com places this self-titled album by Caramel at about 1998. That same year, a single called Lucy (not listed on the album) reached #35 on Billboard. The latter is more”rock” than “grunge”.
Album_Cover_Crap_241_-_bizarrerecords_com The way you are supposed to listen to “Sound Off…Softly” is to buy Gold Bond Ceiling Tile, cover your ceiling with it, and put this record on your turntable. While it is true that the composition of your ceilings and walls affect the acoustics and hence the sound of your stereo, I know of few tile manufacturers that would offer you a recording to play to prove their point.I am sure that Gold Bond won’t mind if you also covered your walls with ceiling tile. And your floors. Hell, make a whole goddamn soundproof studio out of nothing but Gold Bond Ceiling Tile. I’m sure the chicks will dig your pad.

Visits: 94

Crappy Album Covers #155 — Dylan in Concert

Album_Cover_Crap_290_thomstonemusic_com In May of 2007, Rolling Stone’s web-based tentacle asked readers what the 10 worst albums of all time were, which were recorded by the great artists. You are looking at the #1 album.

While “Down in the Groove”, Bob Dylan’s 28th album has been nearly universally reviled, the problems I have with it are in the artwork.

The accusation levelled at this album is that it contains, apart from a large number of collaborations, a number of cover songs. I could have told those reviewers that by looking at the album cover, a problem was iminent. Not only is this 1988 album the umpteenth album with a cover photo of Dylan in concert, it is at least the third one which sports a blurry photograph.

Album_Cover_Crap_318_Bob-Dylan This, by all accounts was the second, which was his second greatest hits album. His first greatest hits album originally had exactly the same photo. Now when the first album came out in 1967, the cover photo was considered good enough to be awarded a grammy. But then he uses exactly the same photo for volume 2, released in 1971 (the photo was later changed, to a different concert photo).

This second volume had a paucity of actual “hits”, and instead had many originals which garnered hits through other artists covering him. This album can be regarded as a compilation of older material in LP form, to make up for the early 70s, which were doldrum years for Dylan.

Visits: 161

Crappy Album Covers #153 — The International Language of Bad Taste IV

Album_Cover_Crap_237_-_bizarrerecords_com The name of this album by Norwegians Arnold Børud and his three kids does not survive translation into English very well. The English cliche “On The Go” is what we are supposed to be reading. 

The three kids are Thomas, Linda, and Ole Børud, forming the “Børud Gang” or Børud-gjengen. The group was later called “Arnold B. Family”.

Arnold was a former member of the Christian supergroup Frisk Luft (Fresh Air), releasing two LPs in the 1970s.

Album_Cover_Crap_249_bizarrerecords_com This is Poogy’s 1974 album “In A Pita”; another of Israel’s offering in the Crappy Album genre. Clearly, when they were invited to dinner, it was not to eat, but to be eaten. 

Other than mere translation, no information appears to exist on this seven-membered group.

Visits: 91

Crappy Album Covers #150 — When being cool is a bad thing

Album_Cover_Crap_262_gigwise_com Sebastien Tellier’s 2008 album “Sexuality” has got to be the most un-sexual of the nude albums I’ve seen. The colors are straight out of a Monty Python animation, which probably also explains the horse and rider. 

This is his third album. Tellier is a multi-instrumentalist from France who sings in English, French and Italian.

Album_Cover_Crap_236_-_bizarrerecords_com The Dutch group Bonnie St. Claire and Unit Gloria features lead singer Bonje Cornelia Swart, who goes by the stage name Bonnie St. Claire, singing mostly in English. They have had several top-40 hits in Europe. 

But sometimes, you get albums with titles like “The Rock Goes On”, which makes little sense.

This “Best-of” compilation could not have been released prior to 1972.

Visits: 99

Crappy Album Covers #149 — Women perpendicular and parallel

Album_Cover_Crap_261_gigwise_com Bob Geldof to deals with the three dominant sources of insecurity, satisfaction and anxiety for the human species in his 2002 album, “Sex, Age, and Death”. 

While this photo had to be part of the best photo shoot ever for the photographer, it reduces the theme of the album to a cliche. Many others probably thought the same, since there is no record of the album or its hit single, an anthem to “Pale White Girls”, charting.

Since then, he had met a fork in his career path, and has seemed to have chosen activism. Geldof was the former frontman for The Boomtown Rats, and has received many awards and honorary degrees. I don’t think this record cover influenced anyone’s decision to give him accolades, though.

Album_Cover_Crap_260_gigwise_com And you see, the band Louis XIV charted this album at #24 in 2005. Any elements from the album design made it possible? Both have nude/semi-nude women on the cover. That’s old-school. This woman is parallel to her photographer. Is that it? Naw… 

Hmm… Oh, yes! This one has a “Parental Advisory/Explicit Lyrics” sticker on it. That has to be the reason. Just having naked women on the album cover doesn’t cut it anymore, folks. Those warning stickers have made many a mediocre act skyrocket to fame and glory. Geldof ought to get with the program.

This album, called “The Best Little Secrets are Kept” has an otherwise un-original concept with the playlist once again written on the skin of the model posing nude for the album.

To be fair, there was the Hoover, Alabama Board of Education in the Southern US who stopped them from playing in Hoover, because the lyrics were too explicit. Leave it to school boards such as the Hoover, Alabama school board to provide the kind of publicity that could never have been bought at any price.

Visits: 104

Why I’ve Avoided Discussing Certain CACs

Crappy Album Covers have been a staple of this blog for over a year now.  I think I may have posted over 400 album covers in that time, and I have particularly, but not always, targeted the unintentionally bad ones.

There have been certain themes/artists/genres I have avoided:

Metal: I’ve said it before that many metal/punk/hard rock bands release sucky/disturbing covers on purpose, because they know their audience will buy the record/cd. Picking on metal or punk bands would be like shooting fish in a barrel. I have made exceptions (Pantera and Stryken, notably) when the album crosses the line of bad taste to unintentional bad taste.

Bob Dylan: I’ve noticed on some blogs, many commenters pick on Dylan’s albums as a source of bad album art. Face it, folks. Nobody buys Dylan for the album cover, so no one cares. However, in a future post, I make a point that there is a Dylan album art concept that is getting a bit repetitive: the blurry-photo-of-Dylan-in-concert idea. Oh, and yeah, there was also that Starbucks promo CD I discussed earlier.

Nobody buys Leonard Cohen for his album art, either. Or Joni Mitchell for hers, even when she draws the covers herself in crayon (Ladies of the Canyon, and Court and Spark, I believe are two examples) .

Most “lounge lizard” acts and Gospel acts are the same way. For the most part, you tend to get a picture of the artist, the album title, and at least a partial track listing. The whole intent is predictability, and a total avoidance of any artistic risk-taking. Lounge acts start crossing the line, however, when they become too grandiose, or too “nerdy”, or show a total lack of thought in the photo/artwork.

This is at least a partial rendition of my thought processes when making these CAC entries.

Visits: 152

Crappy Album Covers #131 — Are you happy?

Album_Cover_Crap_157_showandtelmusic_com Get ready for a feeling of bliss that is beyond belief … The Young Believers are going to impose cheer and goodwill whether you like it or not. Rise and shine! Up with the crows! The happiness you have demanded all your life is now mandatory.
Album_Cover_Crap_158_showandtelmusic_com And after you have complied with the minimum requirements for happiness, you get to consume special pills and fly into a perfect utopia where the food is great, the sex is better, and the best thing about this epic voyage is that you don’t even have to leave the room.

Visits: 68

Crappy album Covers #130 — More Do-It-Yourself Covers

Album_Cover_Crap_166_showandtelmusic_com_Greatest_Picks A recurring rule of CACs is that if you don’t want to make your album cover crappy is occasionally in the attempt to overvalue the art of their children and make their art. The motorhome (bus?) looks like a hot dog on wheels.No information on “Sounds of VIctory” (or is the band name “Jesus Freak?) that I could find.
Album_Cover_Crap_165_showandtelmusic_com_Greatest_Picks You certainly can’t possibly get more late ’60s than this design. These ladies were from The Vassar College Glee Club in Rhode Island.They sing “America”, “White Rabbit”, and other 60s contemporary (at the time) hits from folk and acid rock genres.

The G-Stringers have been in existence since at least 1965, and various incarnations of them have performed at Carnegie Hall.

Visits: 69

Crappy Album Covers #126 — Four Guys on a Cover

Album_Cover_Crap_187_Flickr Here is the first of the cliche “Four guys on an album cover”. I first misread the title as “Jack not again”, but saw that the “n” had a tail like the way some people cursively write their lowercase p’s. 

So, the album set in what is likely the early 70s, is “Jackpot Again”. I have little information on this unconvincing-looking Beatlesque foursome.

Album_Cover_Crap_183_Flickr … But the Delltones show them that they can look unconvincing no matter what the clothing. 

The Delltones actually have five members in their 2009 lineup, with fellow Queenslanders Woody Finlayson, Danny Mayers, Merv Dick, Ian “Peewee” Wilson, and Owen Booth.

They have kept a following since 1958, and still perform in gigs in Australia. Peewee Wilson appears to be the only enduring member.

Visits: 122

Crappy Album Covers #125 — More Accordions!

Album_Cover_Crap_179_Flickr Yes, the accordion is, apart from bagpipes, the instrument everyone loves to hate. Today we have a double bill. First, the duo Doug Setterberg and Stan Sorenson have this album called “Yust Try to Sing Along In Swedish”. 

Sorenson and Setterberg might be Swedish by ethnicity, but all sources I have place these two in Seattle, Washington some time in the 1960s.  Otherwise, I suspect the title wouldn’t be in english.

Album_Cover_Crap_172_Flickr After Setterberg and Sorenson left the stage, this 400-pound gorilla came on stage, picked up the accordion, and started playing. 

The members of the audience either didn’t notice, or noticed an improvement. “Hey, keep the Gorilla on stage! He sounds like Brian Eno, ” exclaimed one audience member.

“They Said It Couldn’t be Done”, if played at low volume, will likely qualify as the first ambient record, and certainly the first non-electric one. A sort of “PDQ Bach” for the polka crowd.

This was a 1959 release by Dominic Frontiere and his Mighty Accordion Band. Frontiere has gone on to compose well-known television themes, such as The Flying Nun, starring Sally Field; and the 70s crime show Vega$, starring Robert Urich.

Visits: 85

Crappy Album Covers #112 — “By his stripes we were healed”

album_cover_crap_137_maxim_com The title of ths blog, “By his stripes we were healed”, is the last line of verse 53:5 in the book of Isaiah.

This tells me that Stryper has come to save us from, uhh …, what? Whtever it is, they had to bring out the guns and armoured vehicles for it. Something tells me that the anwer to our interpersonal conflicts should not involve the use of military vehicles.

album_cover_crap_154_showandtelmusic_com Clever title, Isabel. I actually like it very much. It says that I choose God for something I like, not for something other people are coercing me to like. You have to respect that.

No information exists on Isabel Baker that I could find, except that this blogger found an MP3 of her gospel singing.

This goes beyond categorizations of “Christian Rock.”  She sounds more like a cross between Lydia Lunch and Diamanda Galas. While these latter two don’t qualify as Christian  Rock, the resemblance between kinds of music was uncanny. I might even add Romeo Void.

By the end of that song sample, one would be led to think that she loves God just a bit more than is, uh, Christian. Where have we heard that one before?

Visits: 269

Crappy Album Covers #111 — People are Beautiful, man

album_cover_crap_152_showandtelmusic_com There was a certain social trend in the late 60s and early 70s that was my personal favourite: it was a social trend that celebrated life, the beauty inside every one of us, glorified love, nature, truth, and personal freedom.

And, so long as that became the gravy train which paid the bills, there were a number of artists lining up for a piece of the action. Some of them were sincere, and others not so sincere. I recall artists like Bruce Cockburn and John Denver singing this kind of music long after it was stylish or trendy.

I have not heard of this group, but I wonder how often they were told by hecklers to play on the freeway?

album_cover_crap_153_showandtelmusic_com This is an interesting cover. Often identified with the early 70s evengelical Christian movement, I could find no tangible information on what the letters BJRE stand for. Notice the black-and-white photos of guys placed all over a map of northern Europe in this 1974 album. East and West Germany are most prominent, so is Denmark, then we see pieces of Yugoslavia, Poland, The Netherlands.

With Germany placed in the middle of the cover, could it be that his exaltation of beauty is only reserved for the nations depicted? Curious.

As an extra added bonus, and to conclude this post just the right way, here is REM, featuring Kate Pierson of the B-52s with the 1991 hit “Shiny, Happy People”:

Visits: 144

Crappy Album Covers #110 — Minimalist design

album_cover_crap_150_showandtelmusic_com I am unsure of the origin of the name of the group. If they got rid of the outline of the head, and enlarged the photo, there wouldn’t have been so much empty space around the album. 

The last time I heard of a group name with the word “experience” in it was by a 60s guitarist who did A LOT of drugs. Maybe they should have stolen one of Jimi Hendrix’s titles: “Are You Experienced?”

Album_Cover_Crap_198_Flickr When you are aiming for a minimalist design, why have humans? And why do you need clothes? Or scenery? Or limbs? Or genitalia? 

Mi-Sex’s 1979 single “Computer Games” made it to #1 in Australia, and #5 in New Zealand. It was one of a string of hits for this New Zealand group that extended into 1983.

They were reported to have a hit in Canada, but checking our chart information, they do not appear to have charted in Canada.

Visits: 128

Crappy Album Covers #109 — Family photos do not make good record covers

album_cover_crap_148_showandtelmusic_com The photo for this record cover appears to have been originally intended for a family album. Obviously, Daniel Sheaffer is proud of his musical family.

There are many problems, however, with this picture even qualify as a family photo. There is an organ in the way; and in front of the organ is something looking like a pulpit. If they were photographed elsewhere with all that out of the way, you at least would have a family photo.

album_cover_crap_149_showandtelmusic_com Armand Lefebvre is here with an album called “Take Another Chance on Me”.

It appears that this album would be greatly improved if the puke yellow border was cut out, the title was erased, and the resulting portait with border framed and placed on a mantlepiece.

Visits: 125

Crappy Album Covers #108 — Sucking back in the day

album_cover_crap_145_cendella_com The early 1960s, before the days of The Beatles, were a kind of doldrum period where the safest way to record a hit was to record a cover version of something that was a hit before. Robert Louis Ridarelli, known as Bobby Rydell,  entered the industry at a young age — around 16, and throughout his career, recorded five top-10 hits, the rest being elsewhere in Billboard’s hot 100.

This album “All The Hits”, released in 1962, two years after he began his career, contains none of his own hits, but mostly contains the hits of other people. At least none of his top-10 hits are listed.

album_cover_crap_147_showandtelmusic_com Here are the Royals, with their album entitled “Music”. Well, it could be an attempt to copy  formula that has worked for Madonna, Carole King, and hundreds of other musicians. All of them released an album with a title consisting of the single word “music” and nothing else.

They look like an informal gathering of accountants. Guy with the glasses looks like Bun E. Carlos.

Visits: 74