Crappy Album Covers #184 — The International Language of Bad Taste V

Album_Cover_Crap_336 In the multilingual universe that is the international CAC-o-sphere, we see three guys with pasty complexions and one chick sporting skin tones of a living being.

Honestly — do we have to see the pasty complexions twice — once again in their reflections?

A direct translation of the title might be uninformative, but “Look To Paris”/”I Want You” seem to come out in Google.

Album_Cover_Crap_390 Cattus. That’s “Cat” in latin. Actually, that’s “Feline” in Latin. From Perez Prado and His Orchestra, from before the days of stereo.

Sorry. I succumbed to the lolcat craze. Enjoy.

Crappy Album Covers #183 — Chixdiggit!

Album_Cover_Crap_335 What is the problem with this picture? It would seem as though, despite all of the efforts of these four lads to entice the two swimsuit-clad young ladies to join them (hell, what lady wouldn’t be impressed four guys wanting to form a human pyramid?), there is a major logistical problem: There are only two ladies for four guys. Maybe they should be called “The Four Perps”. Or: “The Four Pervs”.

The Four Preps had been performing for the better part of 30 years, beginning in the 1950s. The original lineup consisted of Bruce Belland, Ed Cobb (1938-1999), Marv Ingram, and Glen Larson. In the 12 years between 1954 and 1966, they reached the Billboard Hot 100 13 times.  Belland wrote the song “Tainted Love” for singer Gloria Jones, which Soft Cell turned into a worldwide smash hit in 1982.  Glen Larson became a big-time TV producer in the 1970s.

Album_Cover_Crap_389 Chicks dig guys with guitars. Les Paul (1915-2009), supremo guitarist that he is, would score with the chicks all the time. And just to make sure that chicks fall prostrate at his feet each time he picks up that guitar of his here he is depicted as having 6 guitars and 12 hands to play them with. This is the album cover equivalent of gang rape.

Not enough can be said about Lester William Polsfuss, since without him rock and roll wouldn’t exist, and most of country music would still consist of fiddles, banjoes, and accordions. Every time you see a group of four musicians, at least one or two of them will be sporting a Les Paul invention — the electric guitar. He also contributed chording sequences, fretting techniques, riffs and licks that many rock and country musicians are still thankful to him for. He also has his own permanent place in The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio.

So, Chicks? What’s not to dig?

Crappy Album Covers #182 — Something Missing

Album_Cover_Crap_330 Former trucker Vance Edwards should know better than to pose in front of a trailer without the requisite truck. And I, along with many other bloggers in the CAC-o-sphere question the use of unintelligible yellow patches on eithr red or blue clothes. The electric guitars and keyboards that could not possibly be plugged into anything has been a staple of many CAC makers, to the point where I am now convinced that it is some kind of low-brow literary technique. The chick on the drums brings a kind of feminist Keren Carperteresque overtone to the cover, while keeping the group locked into its focus as CAC makers of the first order.

Then, like hours on the clock, there are these graphics arranged in a pattern similar to the bottom graphic in this post. Except that they are trucks, not sex positions. While buy tramadol cash on delivery Truckin’ came out in 1973, it is hard to know which idea came first.

Not much else is known about Vance or his band.

Album_Cover_Crap_332 Another circular graphic of another band, this time with an actual clock watermarked on to the photo. We have two bouffont-encrusted ladies playing electric guitar — one of them showing off a subconscious desire to play like Ace Frehley (or pick your heavy metal fave) by sporting a dual-necked guitar. Both ckicks are in their cut-below-the-knee Century 21 Real Estate suits and red turtlenecks, matching Ricky Ricardo’s (?) dinner jacket.

Not much else is known about the Calvary-Aires; though much speculation and prognostication pervades the CAC blogosphere, which I will not repeat here. The Calvary Aires had warned me that it is against the Scriptures to prognosticate. Not sure they knew what the word meant.

Crappy Album Covers #181 — Plainness, overdone

Album_Cover_Crap_338 Currently selling on E-Bay for about 15 bucks, Bobbi Jean White’s album “Higher Ground!” shows Ms White sporting the bouffont she was well-known for.White had been singing gospel since she was a child in Georgia. She had recorded dozens of albums either solo or with other groups, then became a radio announcer beginning for a Gospel radio station in the 1970s. This career extended into the early 90s.She had lost her hearing 12 years ago, and got it back this year through surgery, hearing again at age 79.
Album_Cover_Crap_337 P. J. Orion and the Magnate$’ self-titled LP is diaplayed here, with its litany of cliches, including (1) with the band posing with electrical instruments that could not possibly be plugged into anything; (2) wearing shades; (3) railroad motif; (4) prairie background with requisite blue sky.This was rumored to have been released in the 1960s, while the guys in the photo were attending prep school.

Crappy Album Covers #180 — The standards and the classics

Album_Cover_Crap_331 Elva Miller (1907-1997) made her claim to fame with purposefully bad Ethel Merman imitations where she sung songs from the Great American Songbook out of tune, along with many other kinds of well-known songs.When Mrs. Miller “Does her Thing”, I think the message here is that it is time to run  and hide. You never know what’s in those brownies.
Album_Cover_Crap_324_gyorgy

“Hey! Youse guys want to hear some o’ dat long-hair classical music or what? Well, don’t let some schmuck wearing a tux tell you what classical music is; let me tell you. Now, uh, I think my music teacher  told me dat once you hear The Nutcracker, all of the classical music sounds like that. Trouble is, though, my music teacher ran off with my money before I had all my lessons. Dat’s why I dress like a bum. My brudder here got through his lessons, but got killed in an accident with a cabbage truck. We cryogenically froze him in dis position, and so once in a while I take the fiddle from his hand, and fool around with it a bit. Frig it, he’s dead anyway — and I put it back after a while.”

No information exists about Markos and Nadas Gyorgy that I am aware of.

Here is Miss Elva Miller, singing “These Boots Are Made for Walking”. Rather than sounding like Merman, I think that in this song at least, she sounds more like Miss Piggy on the Muppet Show. This is off of her “Greatest Hits” LP:

Crappy Album Covers #179 — Strange Cowboys

Album_Cover_Crap_327_Gercei_Camargo No idea who this cowboy wannabe is, but Gercei Camargo’s idea of being a cowboy — and a singing one at that — is to wear something strange over his nether region (looks like a kilt with a cushion) and frilly pants over his cowboy boots.
Album_Cover_Crap_333 Sharon McNight’s “Another Side Of” was likely released after 1989. Many blogs I have seen referred to the shirtless cowboy who looks like he is about to spew chunks; and the two dogs next to Sharon who blend into the carpet too well. I can add that her black dress makes her white as a ghost. And doesn’t the set seem a little tilted?

Sharon is (or has been) a Tony award-winning actress on Broadway, and is still performing between New York and her native San Francisco.

Crappy Album Covers #178 — Why they have trouble getting laid

Album_Cover_Crap_325_in_concert_sherbet Red candy stripes on men’s suits was one of those fleeting styles for maybe a month or two in 1975, before someone, somewhere said ‘wtf’, and the style became passe, if it ever was de rigeur.Maybe he really does want to work as a volunteer candy striper at a hospital. I still think he will be in trouble from the head nurse when she tells him to button his shirt.

That being said, Sherbet was one of the biggest rock bands in Australia in the 1970s, led by (I believe) Daryl Braithwaite and Clive Shakespeare. They have released around 19 Australian top 40 hits in their tenure, with 3 of them reaching #1.

Album_Cover_Crap_326_Jaws Let’s face it. He looks simple, trustworthy (or at least eager to please, in a Gollum kind of a way). The title translates from Portuguese to “Stingray’s Disgusting”, and probably better translated to “Filthy big stingrays” or some such. The subtitle becomes “Animating your party”.

At another CAC blog (on Flickr, I believe), a caption read “he’s your boyfriend”. It depends on what you want him for, I suppose.

(Adult Content) Crappy Album Covers #159 — Another rule: Male nudity doesn't work as well

Album_Cover_Crap_319_Yes Men and women both buy records. With this idea in mind, I have no idea why it is that female nudity sells even the crappiest records, while male nudity doesn’t. I am not a marketing psychologist, so I have no idea why that is.Yes’s 1977 album “Going for the One”, which sold certified Gold, depicts a naked man in front of L. A.’s Century Plaza Towers. The towers are surreal and distorted, and it has all of these dotted and solid lines that make little sense. Chalk one up for the overly self-indulgent side of prog rock. Despite the album cover’s tastelessness, the album’s contents are considered among Yes’s finest work, and marks the first of many times Rick Wakeman had returned to the group.

This recording has been reissued in 2003 by Rhino Records with a large number of added tracks.

Album_Cover_Crap_276_rateyourmusic_com This 1994 EP, released by Unrest on Teenbeat Records before the time they were signed to the 4AD label, also shows why male nudity is just, well, … limp.

Unrest has had dozens of releases of original work as well as compilations. They started in 1982 in Washington, DC.

Crappy Album Covers #158 — Ladies of the low-rent district

Album_Cover_Crap_206_bad_hair_-_worstalbumcovers_org Harris Glenn Milstead (1945-1988) was a transvestite entertainer, whose live CD “Born to be Cheap” was issued posthumously in 1994.

He died a week after the release of the movie Hairspray, which he acted in. He was going to audition for Fox’s Married with Children, but died of an enlarged heart before arriving. The people at Fox sent flowers, with a note wryly joking “If you didn’t want the job, all you had to say was ‘no'”. He counted Elton John and Whoopi Goldberg among his friends. They each sent a bouquet to the funeral.

There is a currently-released documentary called “I am Divine”, directed by Jeffery Scwhartz for Automat Pictures, which was released on July 30 of this year.

Album_Cover_Crap_209_-_wikipedia_org Intending to look loud and attention-getting, but ending up looking like a picked-through remaindered album at Wal-Mart, the reality is that this album never even made it to North America, except as an Import, since back in 1999, they no longer had a North American distributor.

The Swedish duo Roxette, consisting of Per Gessle and Marie Fredriksson, enjoyed worldwide success in the decade from the mid 80s to the mid-90s, releasing about 8 albums during that period. “It Must Have Been Love” gave me one of my nicer memories of 80s music, and was re-used in the soundtrack to the film “Pretty Woman”.

Crappy Album Covers #157 — Full-cover faces

Album_Cover_Crap_305_minnesta_public_radio_org Paul Simon’s 2006 album “Surprise” has a baby’s face with the requisite surprised expression. Probably surprise at having the top of its head cut off by the upper photo, which is a depiction of some kind of bluey-watery-reflection thingy. Who knows what that’s supposed to convey? Hydrocephalism?

The album boasts participation from big talents such as Brian Eno and Herbie Hancock.

Album_Cover_Crap_277_rateyourmusic_com This 1981 album from former Genesis member Phil Collins was the first of a line of albums which alienated prog rock audiences and attracted more general audiences to his music. Thing is, these facial close-ups, at least for me, usually make everything about the album seem too melodramatic.

In this album, we get the much-overplayed “In the Air Tonight”. In later years we would be inundated with a string of equally overplayed hits, including the irritatingly successful “Sussudio”.

All I can say about Sussudio is what I remember reading, I think in a National Lampoon comic (of the single-frame variety) back in the 80’s. It depicted an angry guy knocking on an apartment door with a loaded rifle in his hand. He yells: “Sussudio all day long! Sussudio all night long! You want Sussudio? I give you some goddamn Sussudio!”

That comic writer knows my pain.

Crappy Album Covers #156 — Sounding Off

Album_Cover_Crap_252_blogspot_com Post-grunge group Caramel’s only album sports an angry cactus with bad teeth. There is a fable in this one, consisting of a “good” witch who cast some evildoer into the body of a cactus where the town lives happily ever after, but I am not sure that is what was intended.

Allmusic.com places this self-titled album by Caramel at about 1998. That same year, a single called Lucy (not listed on the album) reached #35 on Billboard. The latter is more”rock” than “grunge”.

Album_Cover_Crap_241_-_bizarrerecords_com The way you are supposed to listen to “Sound Off…Softly” is to buy Gold Bond Ceiling tramadol buy online cheap Tile, cover your ceiling with it, and put this record on your turntable. While it is true that the composition of your ceilings and walls affect the acoustics and hence the sound of your stereo, I know of few tile manufacturers that would offer you a recording to play to prove their point.I am sure that Gold Bond won’t mind if you also covered your walls with ceiling tile. And your floors. Hell, make a whole goddamn soundproof studio out of nothing but Gold Bond Ceiling Tile. I’m sure the chicks will dig your pad.

Crappy Album Covers #154 — The good things in life

Album_Cover_Crap_240_-_bizarrerecords_com New Orleans Cajun comedian Justin Wilson has this apparently rare LP full of his cajun brand of comedy.

It is difficult to know if this is the same Justin Wilson who is both a chef and a comedian. Although it is likely that he is not Justin Wilson the stock car driver.

Album_Cover_Crap_248_bizarrerecords_com Native of St. Louis, Missouri John Roland Redd (1921-1988), a Latino known by many monacres including Korla Pandit, was not attempting to be convincing when he wanted himself photographed in a turban for an album called “Latin Holiday”.

Beginning his career in 1938, he is said to pre-date Liberace in that Redd played keyboard in a similar musical repertoire and has been around since the invention of television.

Publicists at the time had fabricated a story about him being born in New Delhi to a father who was a Brahman priest and mother who was a French opera singer.

Crappy Album Covers #153 — The International Language of Bad Taste IV

Album_Cover_Crap_237_-_bizarrerecords_com The name of this album by Norwegians Arnold Børud and his three kids does not survive translation into English very well. The English cliche “On The Go” is what we are supposed to be reading.

The three kids are Thomas, Linda, and Ole Børud, forming the “Børud Gang” or Børud-gjengen. The group was later called “Arnold B. Family”.

Arnold was a former member of the Christian supergroup Frisk Luft (Fresh Air), releasing two LPs in the 1970s.

Album_Cover_Crap_249_bizarrerecords_com This is Poogy’s 1974 album “In A Pita”; another of Israel’s offering in the Crappy Album genre. Clearly, when they were invited to dinner, it was not to eat, but to be eaten.

Other than mere translation, no information appears to exist on this seven-membered group.

Crappy Album Covers #150 — When being cool is a bad thing

Album_Cover_Crap_262_gigwise_com Sebastien Tellier’s 2008 album “Sexuality” has got to be the most un-sexual of the nude albums I’ve seen. The colors are straight out of a Monty Python animation, which probably also explains the horse and rider.

This is his third album. Tellier is a multi-instrumentalist from France who sings in English, French and Italian.

Album_Cover_Crap_236_-_bizarrerecords_com The Dutch group Bonnie St. Claire and Unit Gloria features lead singer Bonje Cornelia Swart, who goes by the stage name Bonnie St. Claire, singing mostly in English. They have had several top-40 hits in Europe.

But sometimes, you get albums with titles like “The Rock Goes On”, which makes little sense.

This “Best-of” compilation could not have been released prior to 1972.

Crappy Album Covers #149 — Women perpendicular and parallel

Album_Cover_Crap_261_gigwise_com Bob Geldof to deals with the three dominant sources of insecurity, satisfaction and anxiety for the human species in his 2002 album, “Sex, Age, and Death”.

While this photo had to be part of the best photo shoot ever for the photographer, it reduces the theme of the album to a cliche. Many others probably thought the same, since there is no record of the album or its hit single, an anthem to “Pale White Girls”, charting.

Since then, he had met a fork in his career path, and has seemed to have chosen activism. Geldof was the former frontman for The Boomtown Rats, and has received many awards and honorary degrees. I don’t think this record cover influenced anyone’s decision to give him accolades, though.

Album_Cover_Crap_260_gigwise_com And you see, the band Louis XIV charted this album at #24 in 2005. Any elements from the album design made it possible? Both have nude/semi-nude women on the cover. That’s old-school. This woman is parallel to her photographer. Is that it? Naw…

Hmm… Oh, yes! This one has a “Parental Advisory/Explicit Lyrics” sticker on it. That has to be the reason. Just having naked women on the album cover doesn’t cut it anymore, folks. Those warning stickers have made many a mediocre act skyrocket to fame and glory. Geldof ought to get with the program.

This album, called “The Best Little Secrets are Kept” has an otherwise un-original concept with the playlist once again written on the skin of the model posing nude for the album.

To be fair, there was the Hoover, Alabama Board of Education in the Southern US who stopped them from playing in Hoover, because the lyrics were too explicit. Leave it to school boards such as the Hoover, Alabama school board to provide the kind of publicity that could never have been bought at any price.

Crappy Album Covers #112 — "By his stripes we were healed"

album_cover_crap_137_maxim_com

The title of ths blog article is the last line of verse 53:5 in the book of Isaiah.

This tells me that Stryper has come to save us from, uhh …, what? Whtever it is, they had to bring out the guns and armoured vehicles for it. Something tells me that the anwer to our interpersonal conflicts should not involve the use of military vehicles.

album_cover_crap_154_showandtelmusic_com

Clever title, Isabel. I actually like it very much. It says that I choose God for something I like, not for something other people are coercing me to like. You have to respect that.

No information exists on Isabel Baker that I could find, except that this blogger found an MP3 of her gospel singing.

[audio:http://stridersjournal.net/other/Isabel_Baker_-_Jesus_I_Am_Loving_You.mp3]

This goes beyond categorizations of “Christian Rock.”  She sounds more like a cross between Lydia Lunch and Diamanda Galas. While these latter two don’t qualify as Christian  Rock, the resemblance between kinds of music was uncanny. I might even add Romeo Void.

By the end of that song sample, one would be led to think that she loves God just a bit more than is, uh, Christian. Where have we heard that one before?

Crappy Album Covers #111 — People are Beautiful, man

album_cover_crap_152_showandtelmusic_com

There was a certain social trend in the late 60s and early 70s that was my personal favourite: it was a social trend that celebrated life, the beauty inside every one of us, glorified love, nature, truth, and personal freedom.

And, so long as that became the gravy train which paid the bills, there were a number of artists lining up for a piece of the action. Some of them were sincere, and others not so sincere. I recall artists like Bruce Cockburn and John Denver singing this kind of music long after it was stylish or trendy.

I have not heard of this group, but I wonder how often they were told by hecklers to play on the freeway?

album_cover_crap_153_showandtelmusic_com

This is an interesting cover. Often identified with the early 70s evengelical Christian movement, I could find no tangible information on what the letters BJRE stand for. Notice the black-and-white photos of guys placed all over a map of northern Europe in this 1974 album. East and West Germany are most prominent, so is Denmark, then we see pieces of Yugoslavia, Poland, The Netherlands.

With Germany placed in the middle of the cover, could it be that his exaltation of beauty is only reserved for the nations depicted? Curious.

As an extra added bonus, and to conclude this post just the right way, here is REM, featuring Kate Pierson of the B-52s with the 1991 hit “Shiny, Happy People”:

Crappy Album Covers #110 — Minimalist design

album_cover_crap_150_showandtelmusic_com I am unsure of the origin of the name of the group. If they got rid of the outline of the head, and enlarged the photo, there wouldn’t have been so much empty space around the album.

The last time I heard of a group name with the word “experience” in it was by a 60s guitarist who did A LOT of drugs. Maybe they should have stolen one of Jimi Hendrix’s titles: “Are You Experienced?”

Album_Cover_Crap_198_Flickr When you are aiming for a minimalist design, why have humans? And why do you need clothes? Or scenery? Or limbs? Or genitalia?

Mi-Sex’s 1979 single “Computer Games” made it to #1 in Australia, and #5 in New Zealand. It was one of a string of hits for this New Zealand group that extended into 1983.

They were reported to have a hit in Canada, but checking our chart information, they do not appear to have charted in Canada.

Crappy Album Covers #109 — Family photos do not make good record covers

album_cover_crap_148_showandtelmusic_com The photo for this record cover appears to have been originally intended for a family album. Obviously, Daniel Sheaffer is proud of his musical family.

There are many problems, however, with this picture even qualify as a family photo. There is an organ in the way; and in front of the organ is something looking like a pulpit. If they were photographed buy tramadol with no prescription elsewhere with all that out of the way, you at least would have a family photo.

album_cover_crap_149_showandtelmusic_com Armand Lefebvre is here with an album called “Take Another Chance on Me”.

It appears that this album would be greatly improved if the puke yellow border was cut out, the title was erased, and the resulting portait with border framed and placed on a mantlepiece.

Crappy Album Covers #108 — Sucking back in the day

album_cover_crap_145_cendella_com The early 1960s, before the days of The Beatles, were a kind of doldrum period where the safest way to record a hit was to record a cover version of something that was a hit before. Robert Louis Ridarelli, known as Bobby Rydell,  entered the industry at a young age — around 16, and throughout his career, recorded five top-10 hits, the rest beig elsewhere in Billboard’s hot 100.

This album “All The Hits”, released in 1962, two years after he began his career, contains none of his own hits, but mostly buy online viagra contains the hits of other people. At least none of his top-10 hits are listed.

album_cover_crap_147_showandtelmusic_com Here are the Royals, with their album entitled “Music”. Well, it could be an attempt to copy  formula that has worked for Madonna, Carole King, and hundreds of other musicians. All of them released an album with a title consisting of the single word “music” and nothing else.

They look like an informal gathering of accountants. Guy with the glasses looks like Bun E. Carlos.