Facepalm News-oids VI

St. Michael the Archangel
St. Michael to the rescue! Why isn’t this guy sold as an action figure?

Divine providence as a security system. A drunken 32 year-old Carlos Alonzo broke and entered into the Church of Christ The King in Monterrey, Mexico and left with a statue of St. Michael the Archangel. As he staggered out of the church with the statue, he tripped and fell on the statue’s sword, seriously wounding his neck. A passer-by called for medical help, and he was soon turned over to Moterrey police. The statue was unharmed. [17 Jan] This is the second attempted theft of a replica of the St. Michael statue over the past 12 months, the previous one being of a different replica housed in France this past October.

McCarthy-era schools come to the UK. In Hylands School in Chelmsford, Essex (UK), near London, students are not allowed to have “relationships” or to touch “any other member of the school community”, according to the Telegraph. The justifications include encouraging “mutual respect” and “professional behaviour” expected in a workplace by their future employers. Many parents are withdrawing their kids from the school, saying that it does not allow their kids to learn about healthy relationships, or to learn what touching is appropriate or inappropriate. [10 Jan]

Fight for your right to malinger. 24 year-old Dyneisha Holliday, a former employee at a store called Family Dollar, was let go by her boss because she called in sick too often. After she was let go, she arrived in the store, threatening her ex-boss with a gun, but then put the gun back in her holster, and threw a stapler at the boss. She is being held on charges of reckless endangerment and aggrivated assault. [Jan 6]


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6 thoughts on “Facepalm News-oids VI”

  1. O Diane, fairest flower of all the land,
    Thy beauty doth outshine the morning dew,
    And in thy heart there beats a love so true,
    That all who know thee feel its warm command.

    Thou art the sunlight on my darkest day,
    The gentle breeze that cools my troubled mind,
    And in thy presence, all my cares unwind,
    As if they were but shadows cast away.

    Thy grace and kindness are a balm to all,
    A light that shines upon the path we tread,
    And in thy heart there is a boundless well,

    Of love that fills my soul and clears my head,
    So let us walk together hand in hand,
    And journey on, as one across the land.

  2. When first I saw thee, my heart did leap
    And every sense was quickened by thy grace,
    For in thy eyes I saw a soul so deep,
    And in thy smile, a joy that lit thy face.

    Thy beauty is a wonder to behold,
    A work of art that Nature did create,
    And in thy heart there burns a fire so bold,
    A love that doth my very being sate.

    In every moment spent with thee, I find
    A joy that fills my heart with purest bliss,
    And in thy company I’m lost in mind,
    As lost as any sailor in the mist.

    Diane, my love, my heart’s most cherished prize,
    May all my days be spent lost in thy eyes.

  3. In March Break when snow begins to thaw,
    And buds upon the branches start to grow,
    A sight that few have seen before,
    A green fox dances in the melting snow.

    Its fur, a verdant shade of green,
    A coat that Nature’s hand did not create,
    Yet here it is, a sight unseen,
    A vision rare, a marvel to contemplate.

    What mystery lies in this strange beast,
    A creature not quite of this world,
    Whose very presence doth not cease
    To fascinate and to unfurl.

    Green foxes in the springtime light,
    A sight that fills the heart with delight.

  4. I like going into crowded elevators and saying to people, “I’m glad you could all make it. You are the chosen ones.”

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