Other games that suck (for other articles):
- Based on bullshit ads: Cash Frenzy, Lotsa Slots, Blackjack/21
- Games that you crave to lose just to see how the main character reacts: Fishdom, Homescapes, Gardenscapes
- Games that give you the creeps
- There is a game where you are a main character, an adult female, who sees an orphaned child, and you take her home. She is grateful. But then when you choose a bed you give her a rickety bunkbed. Then you design her walls is this Salem-style spooky wallpaper. That little girl is forming an opinion of you right now, and bawls her eyes out, and wants nothing to do with you. The ad ends, and the mother smiles with her paint roller. The viewer knows now that the stepmother has no soul. Sick, creepy shit.
- Then there are a number of games based on a husband cheating on their wife, and their wife, choosing between divorce or a threesome, chooses divorce. She takes her worldly belongings — looks like it all fits in a single small suitcase — to her new home, a crappy, busted-out place that is badly in need of fixing. According to the demo, she takes a hammer to a leaking toilet, with obvious results. Demo ends. Can you help? Please download, and give them your money.
- There are a number of game adverts with disembodied female hands. I get it. That hand is in place of yours; moving objects around and making game moves. I don’t know. I just have a below-average interest in games that are demoed by zombies.
- Games like Wooden, Tile Connect, and their ilk also make false claims to know what your IQ is, and that by spelling “CAT” using tiles boosts your IQ by 5 points. Having tried games like these, I notice that you have to go through a lot of levels before the game gets mildly interesting, unless you are in Grade 6 and want to expand your vocabulary. I have tried the free versuions of some of these games, and they look absolutely nothing like in the advertising.
- Games that are promoted using testimonials. If they have to drag in a guy or a gal to tell you the game is fun, then it’s a safe bet that it isn’t worth it. If they tell you they are earning large amounts of money and that this can help them pay their debts, it is also a ripoff, and I just wonder how they are allowed to even make advertisements with these obviously false claims.
About a month ago, I was bored and had little use for this iPad I own. So, I downloaded a “free” game, Galaxy Attack, a Galaga-style game that isn’t bad, except for two things: 1) the ads are tasteless and barely legal, covering the gamut between false advertising to advertising games featuring gratuitous and utterly senseless violence; and 2) if you make an in-app purchase in an effort “disable ads”, it doesn’t actually disable the ads.
Also, the function of various stars, tickets, badges, things that look like puzzle pieces is vague, and there are too many different kinds of these gimmyhoos to keep track of. Researching online or asking gamers in the chat room supported by the game often don’t yield answers. Oh, and most of those cost money. It is very easy to spend money on this game and spend more than you planned. And then the spending begets more spending until one day you have to just uninstall it. Over a month, you can spend over $300 on ship upgrades. What happens a lot is that after you lose a battle, a dialogue is shoved in front of you asking you to buy something that would improve your playing. It is an impulse buying decision I normally resist, and what they expect you to fork out on impulse is often something north of $50.00 at one go. I was in need of “drone tickets” one time to upgrade a drone, for example, and over a day and a half, I was dogged by this dialogue to spend $30 to buy 50 drone tickets because they were on sale.
Things of “value” in this game certainly are drone tickets; but so are crystals, coins, and those “stones” associated with each of the ten ships that can’t seem to be bought at any price. That appears to be because they want you to purchase the ships outright, and so the jewels are only obtained on rare occasions, and can be for any one of the ten ships. Since you need about 75 or 80 of one of these jewels to upgrade or obtain any one of the ships, getting them for free can be a waiting game. The most powerful ship, called “Legendary”, cost $139.
So, every time I see an opponent on a player-to-player playing mode with a ship more souped up than mine, or a more powerful one, I now entertain one of two possibilities: 1) this guy/gal spent a lot of money buying his/her way into a powerful ship; or 2) this guy/gal plays way too much Galaxy Attack and should get a life. If you insist on playing this game, don’t ever entertain the ambition that you want to be the top player. This is because the top player is either very poor by now, or unemployed and still living with their mother. Just don’t get too ambitious and revel in being your own humble, mediocre self.